Life is really wearing me down, and maybe you can relate

This will be a little long. I have so much on my mind that I need to get out.

Growing up, I've received neglect from my parents. My parents were big into sports and I never really got into them at a young age, so I feel like I was a real let down to them. They were always busy with my older sister or both my sisters' athletics. We've never had a personal connection. If they had anything to say to me, it was usually because I had done something wrong. I haven't had a personal connection with any of my family because they have always perceived me as different, or lesser. I always witnessed my parents and family fighting as well. This gave me a negative view on myself, trust issues, and just a negative attitude.

Lately, things have gotten incredibly sour. I quit my job because it was driving me mad and I hated being there. I'm jobless now. I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her months ago, after our relationship had taken a huge down slide. Things got better between us, but I had to tell her. She broke up with me after that, I told her constantly how sorry I was and explained everything to the sharpest detail. It helped a little. She still loves me, but we're working things out in a "friend period." She told me not to do whatever I want but she wants to work things out as friends. I know she holds some resentment towards me though.

Basically, right now I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Where to go from here. I can't think straight. I have little motivation. Heavy anxiety. I'm just so stressed man, I want to feel better.