Life long (catfish) addict

Softness · Sep 9, 2022

Hello Fapstrounauts (lol), I was introduced to pornography while in early middle school and it quickly became a comforting addiction for me. I played a lot of online games and I always chose to play female characters. I remember going along with an alternate persona and it was in high school that I first went as far as creating a social media and using another persons pictures to further add credibility to this character. At the time I didn't see anything wrong with this. All at the same time my pornography addiction was only becoming stronger and the material I was consuming was becoming more depraved and degrading. Near the end of high school I created an extremely degrading account with my Ex's photos with the goal to receive "tributes."
In 2016 I married my wife who've I been with now more than a decade. The problem is that since middle school I have been consuming pornography and it has been a completely unchecked addiction that has spiraled out of control and has led me to places I never thought I would find myself. I began to primarily use my wife's identity online and cat fished as her for several years.
At the beginning of this year I woke up to FBI at my door with a search warrant which was caused by my online activity. In a way it was the best thing that has happened to me. I was forced to reveal this dark addiction and am now taking every step I can to find recovery. I have joined groups and have found an amazing accountability group.
I have also been going to on-going therapy and I have found that I have some very serious gender identity confusion. Still, a part of me wonders if these are genuine and authentic feelings I have or if I've flooded my brain with too much hypno/sissy porn.

I hope that this forum can also help and be a tool in my toolbox to help me maintain this difficult path of recovery.

Dr.J_76ers · Sep 18, 2022

Hey just wanted to let you know that you've likely done the latter. Impersonating a female character is EXTREMELY COMMON - I mean you know that. You just took it farther than most, I'm guessing in parallel to watching sissy porn.

Right now I don't think you shouldn't be assessing your gender, the porn you're watching tends to increase the size of the neural pathways related to sissy porn and gender-bending to a level that they wouldn't have reached otherwise - and muddle your sense of identity. As you make this recovery, those pathways will decrease in size until they are essentially similar to their state when you were at the onset of puberty.

If you're like me, you might have had some AGP tendencies during that stage of life. But once you make this journey, it'll become a minority of your sexuality, to the point where if you don't want to think about it, you won't have to. Oh, and sex with your wife will probably become a lot more awesome.

flyswat · Sep 19, 2022

Welcome. I've learned a lot on these forums and am beginning to get a clearer, but by no means complete understanding of my PMO addiction, triggers, and causes. One of the most helpful I've realized is l just how jacked up my brain is due to the mega dopamine hits I've been taking from PMO over the past 50 years. My first goal is to re-boot.

I'm not in a place to be giving advice, but based on what I've learned here, you let your brain recover before making any major decisions.

1amth3l1ght · Sep 20, 2022

Softness said: ↑

Hello Fapstrounauts (lol), I was introduced to pornography while in early middle school and it quickly became a comforting addiction for me. I played a lot of online games and I always chose to play female characters. I remember going along with an alternate persona and it was in high school that I first went as far as creating a social media and using another persons pictures to further add credibility to this character. At the time I didn't see anything wrong with this. All at the same time my pornography addiction was only becoming stronger and the material I was consuming was becoming more depraved and degrading. Near the end of high school I created an extremely degrading account with my Ex's photos with the goal to receive "tributes."
In 2016 I married my wife who've I been with now more than a decade. The problem is that since middle school I have been consuming pornography and it has been a completely unchecked addiction that has spiraled out of control and has led me to places I never thought I would find myself. I began to primarily use my wife's identity online and cat fished as her for several years.
At the beginning of this year I woke up to FBI at my door with a search warrant which was caused by my online activity. In a way it was the best thing that has happened to me. I was forced to reveal this dark addiction and am now taking every step I can to find recovery. I have joined groups and have found an amazing accountability group.
I have also been going to on-going therapy and I have found that I have some very serious gender identity confusion. Still, a part of me wonders if these are genuine and authentic feelings I have or if I've flooded my brain with too much hypno/sissy porn.

I hope that this forum can also help and be a tool in my toolbox to help me maintain this difficult path of recovery.
Click to expand...

Welcome and good on you for starting to make major changes!

it must have been hard having the FBI knocking on your door, but fortunately, as you said, it created that opportunity for change.
When we hit rock bottom, we are forced to change our ways and that is always the best motivator.

As regards your fetishes, I would recommend that you see where this journey of quitting PMO takes you first before you decide on your gender identity.
As a married man, I never watched that type of porn but when I suddenly started to, I realised that I am doing that because I needed more shocking and strange porn to satisfy that dopamine rush that I so desperately wanted. The normal heterosexual porn did not do it for me anymore and that's when I knew it was time to stop.

Good luck on your journey, quitting this will change your life completely!

DevilMayFry · Sep 20, 2022

Wow, so glad you're here on your journey. I am happy to see you're making the right moves for the benefit of your life. I wish you well. See you around

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Life long (catfish) addict

Softness New Fapstronaut

Dr.J_76ers Fapstronaut

flyswat Fapstronaut

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