Life Long Porn Addict looking for much needed help and partners to go through a full reboot

Hello everyone,


My Name is Arthur, I'm 23 Years Old. I'm french.


Today I'm writing a quick overview of who I am and the challenges I'm facing with porn and beyond. Trust me, I'm not proud of anything I'm sharing in this post, but I'm trying to see this as a new start but more so to connect with people that have/had similar issues/experiences.


Porn has been in my life basically since the beginning of my puberty which sucks because it has formatted my brain and sexual preferences in a really bad way.

I first started to watch mainstream video porn for the first few years. At 15-16 Years old, I started to engage in deviant sexual behaviors. In high school, I started taking voyeur pictures of girls around me in my class. This led to a lot of shame, isolation, and at certain times, humiliation as I've been caught once.


During that time, I also started to slowly shift into the very dark world of "not so mainstream porn". For safety and moral reasons, I'm letting this part grey for now as I do not yet know if I should share this.
But note that this deviant and unfortunate turn in consumed content is still very present in my life and has gotten a lot worse and more casual. It has led to incredible levels of shame, anxiety, relationships broken down, etc.

This deviant aspect of my porn addiction is now a challenge in and out of itself.


I've been suffering from depression over the past 3 years. I'm currently seeing a psychologist and a doctor for medication, which helps me. However, that mother f***** does not go away for good and keeps coming back at me (depression).
I'm starting to speculate that this may be due to porn itself which could actually make sense.


Today, I have the privilege of having a wonderful girlfriend, but due to porn, our relationship is far from shiny. We both love each other. However, love does not solve porn.

She is aware of my porn addiction (not the deviant part even though I suspect she might know deep down) and is as a person, very supportive with me. However, where there is love there is also emotional involvement. So she does her absolute best to support and listen, but she's suffering really hard every single day. Today she just told me that this can't keep going for ages, that it feels like our relationship is a threesome (me, her, and porn), and that she just can't take it any longer.

To be honest, the biggest reason that led me to write this post and become a member here is to ease her pain.

I feel pain and damage every day due to my porn addiction and what surrounds it.

However, I've already tried quitting porn after cheating on my ex a few years back and failed. I've also been into that shit for so much time and at such a young age that it is really hard to change it and to project myself in the future as a healed person.

Basically, I'm not feeling confident at all.

Voila.

Here is a big chunk of my story and what I'm going through.

I know there's someone amazing inside me, someone that has so much to accomplish, so much good to do in the world, but for now, it seems like porn is one of the big components keeping that potential locked.

Hoping to engage with wonderful people and have meaningful changes and relationships here,

I wish you all a very nice day

Arthur


PS : If you wish to contact me in private I'd be happy to share with you, you can contact me on my discord : Arthur | HEXABRO#3534

 

well I try to keep it as a reminder and not just feel sorry for myself but to actually try to use it as fuel but man it's hard. Especially because you know there's no true "milestone" or "true" end to this problem right away. You've been through this as well bro ?

 

We can get through this brother. Let's build up control of our mind and body. We're not slave it's just a muscle that needs a good workout.