Lifelong battle with OCD, anxiety and mild depression

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deleted Account, Jul 21, 2017.

  1. Powerous

    Powerous Fapstronaut

    I have had OCD since childhood which correlates with my porn use at age 8 I was exposed to porn.
    Every time I watched porn and ejaculated the OCD gets worse, it's like a ritual. constant thoughts of pmo, intrusive, urges, then I relapse and give in, then I have a shower to try and clean myself 100%, then I pray I will never do it again. The repititive fearful thoughts literally paralyse me to the point that I can't do anything without a fear of something going bad, it feels like hell.

    My mind just never stops overthinking and being so fearful and defensive especially when I am on a bad streak. I have been battling this addiction for 8 years.

    Does the OCD vanish if you quit PMO especially 90+ days???
     
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  2. So I relapsed this weekend and I feel so beta and average. Fkn hate this shit. Fck porn adn fck ejaculating. No more.
     
    Powerous and Road2Recovery like this.

  3. From my experience the anxiety reduces greatly and OCD becomes just random thoughts every once in a while, without spikes. I would say not just quit PMO, but reduce the frequency of ejaculations altogether. I know exactly what you mean, my mind is the same too. As soon as I start ejaculating on a regular basis, the anxiety creeps back in and my mind starts overthinking.

    After a LONG period of semen retention, you have periods of just pure bliss, nothing compares to it.
     
    silenteagle and Powerous like this.
  4. Powerous

    Powerous Fapstronaut

    thats true
     
  5. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    Stand right back up and fight! You got this.
     
  6. One pattern I noticed after every relapse: first 2 days after the anxiety creeps back in. After that for a week anxiety is sky high, I'm always in fight-or-flight. After about 2 weeks since relapsing, I calm down and start feeling powerful and aggressive. As time goes by and I do not ejaculate, my aggressiveness/assertiveness/determination increase.

    I am currently during the anxiety week and it is SO ANNOYING, but it will remind me not to relapse again. 5 minutes of pleasure equal a week of torture. Is it worth it?
     
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  7. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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  8. nofepper

    nofepper Fapstronaut

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    same here
     
  9. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    This sounds like what I need to do then. I have severe social anxiety which is life long, also started M with mags at 5 years old and internet porn about 10 or 11. It seems that semen retention as well as abstaining from porn is the best way to reduce anxiety.
     
  10. Look at people that are aggresive, go-getters, making things happen. Do you think any of them are spilling their semen daily? Hell no.

    I even have a theory on aduthood and view of his own life. You know how people get older and say: the good old days, life's hard, etc etc.? It's the depression talking from spilling their semen daily/weekly in a relationship.

    Obviously it is not as simple as that and life can be hard for some, but my point is if you keep it in and don't spill it, you'll have more energy to face anything life throws at you and handle it.
     
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  11. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I think you're right in a way but it can also have the negative effect and cause depression. Not directly from losing semen but the loneliness that comes with it. If you have a gf that doesn't mind rarely having sex or you never cumming then it's okay but otherwise if you are doing semen retention and focusing on work and everything all the time then it can cause loneliness and depression. I think the constant lifetime of urges would be a nightmare to deal with as well because of the power of the sex drive.
     
    goodnice likes this.

  12. You are right. IF you do what you describe.

    HOWEVER, my gf is totally fine with me not ejaculating. Because I am humping her all day long. And even if I were single, I would chase as many chicks as I could and get laid left and right. You can do everything you want, except ejaculating. Why be lonely and focus on work/other stuff when you can do them all. There is no essential condition in you ejaculating, for any girl.

    YOU dictate what you do in your life, not others.
     
  13. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    That's true, I would assume that not working a lot and doing other things would cause a relapse though and congrats on semen retention with your gf. That must take some serious willpower. For me I think having to deal with the urges for so long would just be too difficult to deal with. Who knows though, I might think this way because of the addiction. Once I'm PMO free I might be able to live without ejaculating. Early days yet.
     
  14. I am not advocating seme retention for all your life, though. At least until you are restored and healthy again. After that you will see. To me, ejaculating from normal sex is the same as relapsing and bring back the annoying anxiety and overthinking, so I really have no choice, for now.
     
    djmotion likes this.
  15. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Oh yeah I get that, I'm trying to avoid PMO altogether until my reboot is over then was thinking of masturbation once a week until I have a gf or just do semen retention until I have a gf anyway which hopefully won't be too long lol
     
  16. Experiment and see what works for you my man. That's what I did and still finetuning it.
     
    djmotion likes this.
  17. I quit pmo in December 2015 and to this day, if I relapse I get unbearable anxiety and OCD spikes after a relapse. WTF? I would think I would have been healed by now and if I relapse it would just be a little anxiety after. It's been a week now and it's suffocating me, SUPER annoying.

    Anybody else that quit PMO a long time ago and has the same side effects after a relapse?
     
    goodnice likes this.
  18. snappedouttafap

    snappedouttafap Fapstronaut

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    So you avoid ejaculating during sex? Strange...
     
  19. Yep. I have tantric sex, sometimes I have a non-ejaculatory orgasm. Sometimes I just enjoy the sex itself without the ejaculation. I feel a lot better after sex when I do not ejaculate as opposed to ejaculating.
     
  20. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I've only managed a few 30 day streaks. But I noticed my anxiety flares up afterwards. What I also noticed, which may be more important, is that as I get into a streak I feel stressed if I do look at P. This is strongest when I first start looking at it. It is like my body is telling me not to do this. I should listen to this clear message!
     
    Indurian and goodnice like this.

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