lifelong fapper moving on...finally

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by VHunterD, Jan 12, 2021.

  1. VHunterD

    VHunterD Fapstronaut

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    I'm 43 and have been addicted to fapping since early teens when all I could get ahold of were department store swimsuit clothing catalogs.

    I know my self-esteem could be much better. I want to look people in the eyes and bring confidence to the table. I want better memory and focus and drive to succeed. I want to reach the end of my days knowing I truly lived!

    I want to feel optimistic about my future. These dark clouds of depression are a killer. I want to look in the mirror and respect the person I see. Porn takes all of that away. I can admit it.

    I am 1 week in. I started a meetup group yesterday for other recovering porn addicts like me. I feel the winds of change taking hold now. If you feel me, shout out below!
     
    Hustypeta, WantOutCR, cd013 and 10 others like this.
  2. I relate++. 30 years of P. is difficult to overcome. Not impossible. However many times you've tried you can do it because today is today. Oh.. I've been addicted for going on 50 years. Still not easy but I'm finally getting the message that I/we don't need P. to get through life.
     
  3. bulldawg1970

    bulldawg1970 Fapstronaut

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    With you bro, I am 50, and even though many won't know what i am talking about, I started in my early teen years with the Sears & roebuck catalog in the women's intimates section. Since then been addicted to P now for almost my whole life, time to quit now, almost 2 weeks and going strong.
     
  4. Recovering_Addict

    Recovering_Addict Fapstronaut

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    I'm not at the same age as you guys (21), but I can definitely relate. I've been addicted/using pornography since about 13 from what I can remember. Used it quite intensely between 15-18, never realising it could've been an addiction. Been trying to fight off the addiction since about 18-19, and making a decision to give up the behaviors that have maintained it up this point.

    Something that's really helped me is just being absolutely bare-bone honest with myself. Admitting that I am addicted; that I have been bullshitting myself about trying to recover; that I actually want to recover. It hurts and it hurts a lot when the only way you can change your past is to give up or change the values that you have held on so adamantly and delusionally to in the past. It hurts really putting yourself in that uncomfortable place that challenges your values and beliefs. But, no pain, no gain.
     
  5. bulldawg1970

    bulldawg1970 Fapstronaut

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    that was deep recovering, embrace what you said, it will be your biggest weapon against this addiction, this time you got it man.
     
  6. Livechanges

    Livechanges Fapstronaut

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    With you bro last 17 years heavy addicted to p and other hyper seksuel things that course depression and bad life quality...
    Day 7 now hope we can get healed and reboot for a changes in life.. I know we can!!
     
  7. Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    Older than you but can relate. Similar start to P. Heavier use in the last 12 years or so until caught by wife. Making the change and commitment to no PMO. Marriage relationship needs it and is worth the fight. You've made a courageous start and may those winds of change sweep you to your goals and this community is very supportive.
     
  8. VHunterD

    VHunterD Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bulldawg, recovering, livechanges. Just having you guys chime in means I’m not alone. Definitely “challenging values and beliefs” is huge and a great point. At some point I hope to challenge my objectification of women. I am in so deep... when fapping I would say things like “show me what you are worth” when a girl goes naked in a porn. I have literally been repeating mantras to myself that devalue women as real people. So twisted around.

    Livechanges I am 7 days out too now bro. Let’s fight every day!
     
  9. Wildfires

    Wildfires Fapstronaut

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    I might not fit in as I'm just 25, but I just wanted to say it's really impressive that you guys still have energy to change your lives around.
    Remember the key is to build a better lifestyle at the same time as dealing with the addiction. I can only cheer on you guys.
     
  10. bulldawg1970

    bulldawg1970 Fapstronaut

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    Wildfires everyone fits in here, age is just a number bro
     
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  11. Recovering_Addict

    Recovering_Addict Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, unfortunately addiction knows no boundaries, whether that is age or whatever else.
     
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  12. Kyojuro Rengoku

    Kyojuro Rengoku Fapstronaut

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    One thing I understood from reading yours and other posts on this thread is that it doesn't matter when you want change but what matters is the fact that you want to change.it also makes me feel that pmo can stay in your life for a long time and eat up a lot of time if given chance.This is enough to prove that there is no time which is very early to start the journey of nofap.the earlier you leave it the better it is for you.anyways I think I am the youngest in this thread ie a 14 year old.anyways a good thread and great posts.
     
  13. Recovering_Addict

    Recovering_Addict Fapstronaut

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    @Help me out [email protected] You are so right about it eating up time. I actually keep track of the time I have spent directly on my relapses, i.e. time I have spent relapsing or having to address why I relapsed. And just them alone, not bearing in mind all the other stuff I do for my recovery, comes to at least 10hrs since just DECEMBER.

    Worst part of it all? My mind has sort of rationalization loop that tells it it's actually not a lot of time because the time spent on relapsing helps me to avoid losing out time through fighting urges. I can't stress just how retarded and mind-dumbing such a rationalization, even if I were to accept that the time I lose out by fighting urges is actually more than the time spent relapsing. But I'm fighting it.

    So yeah man. It's NEVER too early. And I am so so so happy that you have began on the journey this early because God knows where I would be know if I had realised I was addicted at such a young age and not spent my time fondling with pornography. Keep up the good fight, 6 days is a great streak!

    (I keep track of the time spent like shown below, if you're interested. Time on the y-axis is in minutes.)

    Time up to today.png
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  14. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    neat
     
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  15. Kyojuro Rengoku

    Kyojuro Rengoku Fapstronaut

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    Thank you buddy.also my previous streak was of 30 day and this time I am thinking of doing a 100 day of nofap.also recording the amount of time spent on relapsing and rationalising is a great way to show how time consuming Pmo is and it does motivate you I suppose.also on the lighter side itself it’s no use thinking about how good it would have been if u had realised earlier because what had happened is happened.It is itself great that you have at least realised.some ppl spend up their entire life without a realisation.anyways keep going buddy.
     
    Recovering_Addict likes this.
  16. VHunterD

    VHunterD Fapstronaut

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    I have been reading David Goggins' 'Can't Hurt Me' and I feel motivated today. 10 days
     
  17. VHunterD

    VHunterD Fapstronaut

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    Ehhh...got home from vacation and now I'm back to day 0. I can still do this!
     
  18. Recovering_Addict

    Recovering_Addict Fapstronaut

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    Haven't read the book, but love Goggins. One of the most inspirational stories out there.
     
  19. VHunterD

    VHunterD Fapstronaut

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    I am noticing an interesting pattern in my body where old pains (back pain 20 years) are lessening as my posture is improving. It's easier to get excited about crunches with Goggins looking over your shoulder :p
     
    Recovering_Addict likes this.
  20. VHunterD

    VHunterD Fapstronaut

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    So I read a blog somewhere recommending to quit porn first, but fap is ok - use my imagination. It seems like a good path forward.

    I feel more physical effects. Went out and played several games of 5v5 pickup bball in over a year. The back is improving by the day. The pain seems to be gone. I feel substantially more confident.
     

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