LinkedIN as porn Substitute?? Is this possible?

@JustADude A good nuanced post. I also strongly believe that most men simply are brought up like this, just as you say.

However, I don't agree that adult people behaving like shit deserve to be loved by their spouses. So one day he should be sleeping with prostitutes and the other day we should be frolicking on the beach? Unconditional love is something you get from your mother or your yellow Lab; from all others you have to earn it and deserve it.

If my "flaws" were cheating, paying male prostitutes and looking at dicks every time I went to the bathroom, I really hope my husband would love himself enough to leave me. And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be called a "lovable person with some unfortunate flaws" either, but more likely a "big whore".

... Or simply just deal with our issues first, before we scam others into committing to a life we won't be committed to anyway. That's also an idea.

 

For sure, some spouses might be too far gone, and maybe those marriages need to end.

But, I think, most of the time, even on nofap, most marriages affected by porn are still worth the effort. Most of the time, when our spouse hurts us, we only see the worst, we assume the worst, we forget about the good, we sabotage opportunities for reconciliation, and we don't recognize our own role in the problems at hand. AND, we get into cycles of negative thinking and negative behavior that only serves to encourage more negative behavior and more negative thinking.

I think this is unrealistic. We have a strong human drive to find a life mate. Most of us get married young and immature. I believe part of marriage is the struggle of growing as individuals within the marriage.

 

lol at incel you’re obviously retarded and are angry so you’re spurring a bunch of insults my way. I don’t even have a linked in. I’ve broken up with every girl I dated. Any other rude and ignorant comment you have?

 

WOW. You start right off the bat with calling Lilla retarded, and then IMMEDIATELY say that its because she insulted you. Gee, I can't possibly imagine why your relationships haven't worked out!!!

 

this is not constructive

 

Lol all this started because I expressed my concerns about OP’s suspicion. Then comes the hurt females to the rescue using whatever hate they can to make a point and here comes Joe the feminist punk who thinks he knows it all. I wonder what I’ll be called next, maybe a virgin? It would have made more sense to argue that LinkedIn is a place where hookups happen. OP has yet to even comment so this is beyond ridiculous to get upset over a post.

 

Okay, all insulting and sarcasm aside, you say that this all started because you expressed concerns about the OP's suspicion, but actually what you said was

You obviously don’t know anything about their marriage other than what she posted. If you don’t’ think what he’s doing is wrong, all you have to do is post that you personally don’t see anything wrong with it. But no, you were condescending telling her to stop being so concerned with it. And she never said he was having sex with all of them, but he does have an addiction to porn, and with no connection to them, either personally or professionally, he should be having absolutely nothing to do with any of them. And you again came off as insulting when you said all men do it, which is about as true as saying no one disagrees about politics anymore. It is BEYOND laughably wrong to say that all men do that. NO, NOT all men do it. Come on, man. You have to know better than to say that all men do that.

 

Ok now you’re using a little more sense. I agree my post was a little condescending and I don’t know their situation therefore I shouldn’t tell her what to do. The fact remains that if you have attractive girls on your LinkedIn, it doesn’t mean you are cheating. And almost everyone on LinkedIn adds people they don’t know so yes all men can have hot young girls their wives would disapprove of in their connections. Everybody still feels attraction despite being in a relationship. Commitment is really what matters.

 

@21yearsin I will add a couple things in order to help a little. As a Christian and as someone who has been suffering this fight for long time. In the book of genesis 20 the king abimelech took sarah. If we read carefully, we can see that sarah was a older woman of 90 year old. That mean for this flesh there is no limit. People tent and like to judge to feel superior to someone else, but concretely we are big sinners and also we have done and we can do bad things that we never thought that we will be able to do. Everything can become in a psub, I have live this reality for myself, in a bad day or a day out of control this things can happen. The question that you are making is wrong, LinkedIn is possible? in this addiction everything is possible, but the question should be linkedIn, what can you do?. Then instead of finding the guilty because you felt hurt, you will find solutions to help your husband. what it makes me disappointed is the advices that you have received here, it's make me really sad. Let's be more humbles. This platform is for support and help, not for judge or persecuting. At the end sarah forgave the abraham mistake. To someone can stand up will take time, to someone can open their eyes, it will take time also. If God is merciful, we also can be merciful and patience. If your husband is same boat like us, he needs to learn so many things in order to fight, be an overcomer is something that you can't do the next day. It's a process and like any other process will takes time. God bless you and be strong. I hope you can make a better like with your husband.

 

Just commenting for a reminder:

Click a user's name or avatar picture and a little box comes up. "ignore" is one of the options. It comes in handy for some threads like these.

And for the OP. Totally a possible Porn substitute, but admittedly about as weak of one as possible. Another user commented that some guys trying to drop porn don't really mean it if we go to Psubs. That's not true, guys can move to Psubs thinking it will help them drop porn. In a technical sense it actually could work but usually it keeps the visual reward dopamine circuits in his brain open and working and that will lead back to porn. P-subs never were enough for me except for a few months.

However, it's better to recognize the issue and take Psubs out along with the Porn. However, I would also note that for it to truly be a Psub, he'd have to be using it like Porn (typically ending with MOing to the images)....otherwise it could be.....something in between, closer to ogling that anything else I suppose. Still maybe not ok, but (as discussed in this thread) people have different standards for different activities.

I also agree that if you think he's been lying, with his history, he probably has. Honesty has to be a part of a successful abstinence effort. It's possible he's turned the corner and you are too skeptical, but it's unlikely.

 

Oh creepy. All men don’t do it. I have many male friends who don’t.
That being said, I am the SO, not the addict. When I see a man in a suit, that is my “porn”. No, I don’t do anything with the vision of the man in a suit. I simply melt a bit and move on.
So he may have a certain thing about professional women?

 

This is porn substitution IMO too. It's like a smoker quitting cigarette for a couple puffs of vaping a day. Yes he stopped the most destructive part, but he would not be able/ready to stop the last remnant of his addiction.

The last step is often one of the hardest, because dopamine wise you go from "something" to nothing.

Personally, although I haven't used porn for 41 days I still catch myself click to look at profile pictures on social media without a good reason sometimes. Then I tell myself what happened and close it. It's my brain that wants a hit of that sweet dopamine.

 

Personally, I have used social media in exactly the same way as described by the OP.

First of all, as a new kind of stimuli at times when porn simply wasn´t enough anymore. And then also at times, when I was trying to stop, as a substitute. Just looking at the pics was often enough, for the habit. But that was IMHO basically just like just lying to myself.