Living in harmony with sexuality/spirituality in modern times. Books, resources, ideas, help?

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Nice Man, Jun 11, 2020.

  1. Nice Man

    Nice Man New Fapstronaut

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    Hello! I have only just discovered NoFap a couple of days ago, and have realised that I may have a mild porn addiction, and that it may be quite significantly contributing to my day to day problems in life.

    I'm 25 years old, and I have a girlfriend whom I love and respect very much, and has taught me much about myself through a constant self-reflection that is present in our relationship.

    I've had relationships in the past where sex happens almost everyday, and after about a week or less I can kind of relax knowing that I've had heaps of sex, and that must mean that the relationship is going well, because my friends are doing it the same way etc. and I suppose I have used it as one way of gauging whether a relationship is successful or not.

    In recent times, me and my current partner have been having a lot less sex, sometimes happening maybe once or twice a month. I am almost ALWAYS keen to have sex, but she doesn't want to do it so that we can both just close our eyes and "get off". She desires a more loving approach. Most of the time, (because the sex has been less frequent), I approach her with a kind of depraved animalistic energy, which has always seemed normal to me and as it is often depicted that way through pornography. This has seen me become extremely frustrated and angry, to the point where we might just end up spending the whole day snarling at each other, because some crazy part of me is not getting the gratification from her that is has been TRAINED TO NEED. This has had me turning to porn, not every day, but often for hours at a time, needing to get off as a way of making myself feel better. Like the snake eating its own tail, it has become a bit of a destructive loop.

    SO, I haven't been able to ignore the fact that something else might be going on beneath the surface, and I've realised that, I have felt this way for a long time. Ever since I was a young teenager, before I had even had sex, I would fantasise about having it all the time. Then came the introduction to porn via a short video that a boy in my year in high school was showing and sending everyone on his tiny Nokia screen. How incredibly exciting AND DESTRUCTIVE IT ALL WAS!

    My partner and I want to explore ways to have a healthier relationship with sex. I am aware that higher states of awareness can be achieved through the act of true lovemaking. We have talked about going to tantra workshops, and I did start reading a book called "Sexual Secrets for Men", but I found it quite repetitive, and targeted at an older generation. I feel as though there is a lot missing for people of my generation who have had to go through the most damaging era of pornography, a time when absolutely almost any type of porn can be accessed with a few taps of the thumb.

    I'm wondering if anyone knows of any good books, practices, gurus, or even just advice on the subject of finding deeper connection and fulfilment through loving sexual practices with a partner. Thanks!
     
    978twentytwo likes this.
  2. Hello Nice Man.

    Welcome to our community. It is nice to have you here! :)

    I read a good book about relationship and love a while ago called "Love Sense" by Sue Johnson. This mainly focuses on the relationship aspect but not mainly on sexuality. Since you also mentioned a few issues this could be a great way to reflect on the relationship in general.

    Another author that could be interessting for you is Diana Richardson. She is a leading expert in tantric practices and the founder of the concept of 'Slow Sex' if I am not mistaken. I sadly never read a book from her but found several interessting informations about it online. Slow Sex helped me enourmously to get over my ED so I am sure there will be great information for you too. I think you just gave me the impulse to get a book from her right now..

    I hope this will help you a little in your search! :)
     
    Nice Man likes this.
  3. IzzyIt’sMe

    IzzyIt’sMe Fapstronaut

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    I recommend the books from Mantak Chia, they’re right up the alley you’re looking for.
     
    Nice Man likes this.
  4. Nice Man

    Nice Man New Fapstronaut

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    Hey Tavla,

    Thanks for your thoughtful reply! I've never posted on any kind of forum before, so it's nice to know that the internet isn't just full of trolls!

    Slow sex sounds pretty on point, will check Diana out.

    Ps. I read your story and appreciate the sharing and the detail. It's crazy just how little people talk about this stuff in real life considering how drastically it is affecting our lives. I wish you well in your journey :)
     
  5. Nice Man

    Nice Man New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Izzy! Much appreciated :)
     

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