Living in my girlfriend's parents home in a different country

FerneyLovon · Mar 30, 2017

I moved countries 1.5 years ago to be with my partner of 3 years(we met studying abroad). 7 months ago I started having issues with my work visa and we had to let go of our apartment due to the instability of my status. So... we moved in with her parents since then.

Three months ago, I lost my work status and lost my job. I also can't go back to my country and work because of the way our PR application is set up. We need to stay living together or else everything goes down the drain.

I've been struggling with PMO for most of the past 10 years and have been trying to quick for almost 4. I'm ashamed to say that I have even indulged ("indulged" being an understatement) while living in my partner's parents house.

So, I am unemployed(and can't work for the foreseeable future), have relatively little savings(enough to last me a few months of bills, student loan payments, etc.), and am alone in their home a lot(she and her parents all work office jobs). My partner and I are rarely ever intimate because I do not feel comfortable doing that in her parent's home (as ironic as that is) and I haven't brought myself to bring up my addiction to her. I've told her before and she was nothing but supportive... still, it's hard to disappoint her.

Has anyone here been in any similar situations? I feel like I am putting myself into a dark corner with all of these restrictions (I left my country with fam & friends, no job, little money, no means of transportation) and that no one has screwed themselves quite like I have.

I know this is a long shot but... it would be nice to have company in this dark corner.

i_wanna_get_better1 · Mar 30, 2017

Welcome to the forum. Looks like you have a lot of problems that won't go away overnight. You need to sort things out into things you can't address and are out of your control and things that are within your control and you are able to control. Despite all the things going on around us, we can stop PMO. No matter what stresses or challenges we face, we can always turn to other things to make ourselves feel better.

It's interesting that once you start to get control of this problem then the rest of your problems don't seem as bleak. Nothing infects our life like shame and guilt. A few moments of indulgence can lead to hours/days of shame, regret, and embarrassment. Also the energy spent hiding the behavior and concealing is astronomical and exhausting.

Identify your triggers - physical, emotional, and environmental. Avoid the ones you can avoid, remove the ones you can remove, address the ones you can address, and learn to cope with the ones that remain. Form an Abstinence Plan where you decide ahead of time how you are going to act when you feel like looking at porn. Build a toolbag of distractions and new coping skills. Research your addiction at www.yourbrainonporn.com. Journal. Find an Accountability Partner. Go all in on your recovery and life will not seem as bleak as it does today.

Carbon Icon · Mar 31, 2017

Also, you may need to live with her parents for your application, but you don't have to stay there alone all day. Get out of the house. Go do something positive with your time.

It may seem like you are stuck at the moment but consider that it could be an opportunity. You can deal with your addiction without having the added stress of having to hold down a job and pay bills. You have a ton of free time. Use it. Get in shape, pursue a hobby, educate yourself on something your interested in. And most of all, quite PMO. Things will get better in time.

FerneyLovon · Apr 1, 2017

i_wanna_get_better1 said: ↑

Welcome to the forum. Looks like you have a lot of problems that won't go away overnight. You need to sort things out into things you can't address and are out of your control and things that are within your control and you are able to control. Despite all the things going on around us, we can stop PMO. No matter what stresses or challenges we face, we can always turn to other things to make ourselves feel better.

It's interesting that once you start to get control of this problem then the rest of your problems don't seem as bleak. Nothing infects our life like shame and guilt. A few moments of indulgence can lead to hours/days of shame, regret, and embarrassment. Also the energy spent hiding the behavior and concealing is astronomical and exhausting.

Identify your triggers - physical, emotional, and environmental. Avoid the ones you can avoid, remove the ones you can remove, address the ones you can address, and learn to cope with the ones that remain. Form an Abstinence Plan where you decide ahead of time how you are going to act when you feel like looking at porn. Build a toolbag of distractions and new coping skills. Research your addiction at www.yourbrainonporn.com. Journal. Find an Accountability Partner. Go all in on your recovery and life will not seem as bleak as it does today.
Click to expand...

Yes, I have been noticing my triggers and how easy it is to fall back on PMO simply due to routine. I have been trying to rewire myself to do something else instead of continuing with the "ritual"

Carbon Icon said: ↑

but you don't have to stay there alone all day. Get out of the house. Go do something positive with your time.
Click to expand...

You're right. I keep telling myself that I have no reason to leave and I have nothing to do...but in reality, I can get out of the house. Its pretty cold in her country but whatever man. I need to keep busy

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Living in my girlfriend's parents home in a different country

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