Living in Parent's Home

LateSpring

LateSpring

Fapstronaut
22 years old. Male. Lives at home with parents. No girlfriend ever. Virgin.

So I'm trying to start this nofap journey again after disregarding it as hopeless before. I always say to myself "Why not, you have nothing, no one loves you, just make yourself feel good." In the end loneliness and depression is always the reason why I turn to pmo. I've been depressed since I was thirteen (maybe it started with puberty). Yet, its getting worse, since May I felt the worst I have ever felt in my life. Really low. Thought I knew how to handle the isolation and depression but now I find myself writing mock suicide letters and fantasizing about how my death will affect people I know. Honestly, the only tears shed will be by my family and that is because it is expected. I want to place no emphasis on this suicide thing because like I said I've dealt with things like this before and I haven't keeled over yet. One question I have though is how can I escape my parents rule and also my own anxiety? (Details below)

More detailed personality and living conditions (apologies for the awkward style)
I'm 22 years old. I'm currently going to college in my second year after dropping out before when I was 19. I was never asked if I wanted to go to college it was just a given that I would go to higher education and follow in my older brother's footsteps. I hated it. After flunking out I experienced one year of isolation staying inside my parent's home and hardly ever going outside. In this year I improved myself intellectually but my social skills were lessened from the little they were before and I became more hardened to the world and all people around me. Again, it was compulsory that I attend school after my year off. I did my first year well enough but this year I have little motivation having made no friends or feel like I'm pursuing a course that I think can help me achieve my goal of becoming a screenwriter(hard for me to say). I have no money or car(never learned to drive) or anything but my breath. My parents control everything including the meager allowance I'm given every week not even enough for food. Of course I've considered running away but what will I do then? How pathetic for a 22 year old to be talking about running away. I feel like a little boy in a man's body. There really is no one to blame but myself. I harbor the most resentment against myself. I push people away as a result. I see people as self serving and fake. I find girls attractive but recently I've been looking at "various p" that I get no pleasure from but its the only thing that can get me off now and that's why I think it is time to stop before there is no return. I cannot talk to women. If you talk to me you would think I'm the nicest person you meet but inside I hold so much hatred for everything... Enough for now
 
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I completely can relate to your situation. A dark place it certainly is. I'm 25 and I live with my folks, hopefully not for long.

Ill share with you my story:
I started out with nothing, zero expectations or purpose. Since I was young I was automatically suggested that I become either a doctor or an engineer (no excuses). My older brother went into medicine and then worked hard to get to the USA. In the meantime, I felt I was compared unfavorably to him and constantly put down by my father. So I decided after graduation to join medicine as well to make my father and mother proud. Didn't happen to impress them.

So here I am. A 25 year old graduate with a MD degree and little to no confidence in my field. But there is a huge difference between that 18 year old and me. I know realize that during that time I was verbally abused, put down and constantly compared (unfavorably) to my older brother. This triggered a sort of hard shell around people and made it difficult to open up to people. I feel like a fraud as a doctor and that I am a failure.

So I woke up one day and decided to work on it. I'm re-reading all that I did in my previous years as a sort of foundation. I no longer compare myself to my brother and I stand up to the abuse whenever it may happen although not always. I have noticed that most of these critical thoughts I cannot control and I must work to change my beliefs about myself and worth. I hope this helps you see that everything you talk about can be changed but it needs time. A lot of it. Be patient and be compassionate towards yourself.

LateSpring said:
I harbor the most resentment against myself
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Good. get angry but not at yourself but at others for letting you reach such a state at 18. Then accept responsibility for your current state and move on. Get a driving license. Get a part time job. Socialize online if you cant find people around you. Work on yourself. If you falter and fall that's part of life but learn from these mistakes. Don't put yourself down any further because no one can pick you up except yourself.

I wish you the very best. Stay clean
 
Yes a very dark place and thank you for sharing your story it gives me some hope that I can raise out of this place as you've gone through a similar situation. I thing about my living condition is that my parents give me just enough to survive so I feel slightly comfortable, see no need and do no action.
badeae1 said:
Get a part time job.
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I really have to look into that, then when I get enough money I can pay for driving lessons myself. It will also be good practice when I'm on my own to have some real world responsibility in this manner. Right now I'm writing this Day two of my nofap journey the most I've ever gone is a week. I'm getting ready for school my parents just gave me the weekly allowance. My mother delivering it like some gift I should be proud of. My father wants me to beg him for it. I don't. Acting like he doesn't remember or that I'm a burden(maybe I am) My mother does the asking now. Trying to look on the positive side right guys. I'm going out today and will use it has a chance to at least talk to a person and build up my mind being used to this action over successive weeks so that's the goal today. Thank you for reading and replying.
 
Stay strong. Many people have moments of weakness and at times its hard to convince yourself of the right thing but it has to be done. You will get through all of it, pmo or driving licenses or even your father. Everything will be okay. You are already okay the way you are. Accepting yourself no matter what is the core of improvement. Be gentle with yourself and never ever put yourself down, remind yourself that that voice is your parent not you. So when that voice comes up tell it to fuck off and continue on with your journey.

Stay clean
 
First, you have to understand that you are lucky to be 22 and your parents allow you to stay with them, you said it yourself that your parents would cry if you died. They care about you and are even paying you weekly, do you not have a college loan or a job centre which pays you for unemployment or something like that.

Your situation sounds very complex, my favorite method whenever I'm beginning self improvement is to start from the beginning, remove all of your habits out of your life then implement the following:
  • Don't drink
  • Don't smoke
  • Don't do drugs
  • Don't fap
  • Don't watch dumb entertainment
  • Don't play videogames
Your main priority should be studying in order to pass college to a high standard. All of your free time should be put into working on yourself from now on, studying your subjects, reading self improvement books.

'this year I have little motivation having made no friends'
I know you are lonely and want friends but I wouldn't bother pursing friends or a girlfriend until you have your life in check, you should be focusing entirely on yourself. You're lack of motivation isn't due to having no friends, it's due to having no goals, set a goal to move out of home then work towards your goal. Here's something that helps me, if you want something enough then you will achieve it, and it's true, you can't just want to move out, you have to wake up early and study, you have to study 16 hours a day, you have to skip meals, you have to sacrifice sleep, until you are willing to do that you probably won't achieve most of your goals.

You are putting no much emphasis on friends, even in the opening sentence you stated you haven't got a girlfriend and you are a virgin. I don't have any friends at university, or ever had a girlfriend or had sex, doesn't matter, that isn't the cause of your depression, it is the symptom.

Also driving lessons? You're priority has to be passing college and moving out then building a life for yourself. Stick to buses for now.

I know you also mentioned being given a 'meager allowance' doesn't it make you upset feeling like a burden, for me that would be enough to work my ass off and do them proud to show them their investment was not in vain. Use that money and spend it intelligently, if you don't have enough money for food tell them, 'hey i don't have enough money for food' they don't want you to starve to death lol, they probably thought they were giving you enough money, or maybe you are buying the wrong foods.

What about your brother? Do you speak with him, ask him for advice if you get on with him, it's a win win, if he gives you advice nice, if he doesn't give you advice then you can get pissed off and study harder to get better grades than he did to show how you don't need him.



LateSpring said:
fantasizing about how my death will affect people I know
Click to expand...

I've found myself doing this in the past, it's out of a need for social validation and less so about actually wanting to end your own life. Something I learnt a while back which has stuck to me for a while imitates this:
‘Once you die, you are surrounded by an instant aura of respect, people will remember their criticisms of you and be filled with regret and guilt. They are missing a presence that will never return, but you don’t have to wait until you die to achieve this. By completely withdrawing for a while, you create a kind of death before death, achieving the same benefits. And when you come back, it will be as if you had come back from the dead – an air of resurrection will cling to you and people will be relieved at your return.’
Click to expand...
I wasn't much interested in suicide, I was more interested in being noticed by others, therefore this quote really resonated with me and solved that problem.
 
success091 said:
‘Once you die, you are surrounded by an instant aura of respect, people will remember their criticisms of you and be filled with regret and guilt. They are missing a presence that will never return, but you don’t have to wait until you die to achieve this. By completely withdrawing for a while, you create a kind of death before death, achieving the same benefits. And when you come back, it will be as if you had come back from the dead – an air of resurrection will cling to you and people will be relieved at your return.’
Click to expand...

That really hit me.
 
LateSpring said:
22 years old. Male. Lives at home with parents. No girlfriend ever. Virgin.

So I'm trying to start this NoFap journey again after disregarding it as hopeless before. I always say to myself "Why not, you have nothing, no one loves you, just make yourself feel good." In the end loneliness and depression is always the reason why I turn to pmo. I've been depressed since I was thirteen (maybe it started with puberty). Yet, its getting worse, since May I felt the worst I have ever felt in my life. Really low. Thought I knew how to handle the isolation and depression but now I find myself writing mock suicide letters and fantasizing about how my death will affect people I know. Honestly, the only tears shed will be by my family and that is because it is expected. I want to place no emphasis on this suicide thing because like I said I've dealt with things like this before and I haven't keeled over yet. One question I have though is how can I escape my parents rule and also my own anxiety? (Details below)

More detailed personality and living conditions (apologies for the awkward style)
I'm 22 years old. I'm currently going to college in my second year after dropping out before when I was 19. I was never asked if I wanted to go to college it was just a given that I would go to higher education and follow in my older brother's footsteps. I hated it. After flunking out I experienced one year of isolation staying inside my parent's home and hardly ever going outside. In this year I improved myself intellectually but my social skills were lessened from the little they were before and I became more hardened to the world and all people around me. Again, it was compulsory that I attend school after my year off. I did my first year well enough but this year I have little motivation having made no friends or feel like I'm pursuing a course that I think can help me achieve my goal of becoming a screenwriter(hard for me to say). I have no money or car(never learned to drive) or anything but my breath. My parents control everything including the meager allowance I'm given every week not even enough for food. Of course I've considered running away but what will I do then? How pathetic for a 22 year old to be talking about running away. I feel like a little boy in a man's body. There really is no one to blame but myself. I harbor the most resentment against myself. I push people away as a result. I see people as self serving and fake. I find girls attractive but recently I've been looking at "various p" that I get no pleasure from but its the only thing that can get me off now and that's why I think it is time to stop before there is no return. I cannot talk to women. If you talk to me you would think I'm the nicest person you meet but inside I hold so much hatred for everything... Enough for now
Click to expand...

Try not to be too hard on yourself, I'm 26 years old and am in a similar situation. I've also been depressed for a long time in my life, probably about 15 years. Just over a year ago I went through a family tragedy (my father is now diagnosed with dementia). Ever since then, I've overcome alcoholism, pot addiction, and video game addiction. I've since changed my diet and taken up the guitar. I am going back to school next year, while reading/studying in the meantime, along with a bit of exercise. And now that I've been on no-PMO for 3 months and counting, I've noticed a huge boost in confidence and find it much easier to talk to people. I would have to agree with success091, the best place to start is to give up every single destructive habit and go from there.

Regarding women, just being friendly with people helps. Something that has helped me is to just start random conversations with people when I go out, regardless of gender. Just try talking to women as anyone else and maybe throw in a genuine compliment if you notice something nice about them (ie. "Oh, I noticed you cut your hair, It looks nice." Etc.). It has also helped me to reconnect with people from my past so I could start socializing again. I hope this provides you with some help, cheers!
 
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That's cute. 29 and living with my mom here. I don't feel bad though. Maybe the culture difference has a lot to do with it, but I know I'm not ready to go living all by myself.
 
Green_Tea said:
no-PMO for 3 months and counting,
Click to expand...

That's great the most I've ever gone is a week since thirteen.

Green_Tea said:
Regarding women, just being friendly with people helps. Something that has helped me is to just start random conversations with people when I go out, regardless of gender.
Click to expand...

And I've considered this but I always back out. No doubt I'm going to keep on trying to get used to it. For example, I used to be anxious just carrying food with a brand in my hand, I was afraid, sweaty and nervous about what people might think but the more I walked around with it in my hand day after day the less anxious I became and didn't even notice or care. So yes I need to apply that same concept from that stupid example. Doing things that make me anxious until I'm not anymore.
 
LateSpring said:
That's great the most I've ever gone is a week since thirteen.



And I've considered this but I always back out. No doubt I'm going to keep on trying to get used to it. For example, I used to be anxious just carrying food with a brand in my hand, I was afraid, sweaty and nervous about what people might think but the more I walked around with it in my hand day after day the less anxious I became and didn't even notice or care. So yes I need to apply that same concept from that stupid example. Doing things that make me anxious until I'm not anymore.
Click to expand...

Yeah, as the saying goes, practice makes perfect. I started by just simply saying hello to people while going for a walk. Don't be discouraged, you can do it, just persist and persevere. It's going to be challenging to overcome the things that are troubling you; however, I guarantee that nobody is judging you as much as you may think they are.

I sincerely wish you well. All the best!
 
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success091 said:
First, you have to understand that you are lucky to be 22 and your parents allow you to stay with them, you said it yourself that your parents would cry if you died. They care about you and are even paying you weekly, do you not have a college loan or a job centre which pays you for unemployment or something like that.

Your situation sounds very complex, my favorite method whenever I'm beginning self improvement is to start from the beginning, remove all of your habits out of your life then implement the following:
  • Don't drink
  • Don't smoke
  • Don't do drugs
  • Don't fap
  • Don't watch dumb entertainment
  • Don't play videogames
Your main priority should be studying in order to pass college to a high standard. All of your free time should be put into working on yourself from now on, studying your subjects, reading self improvement books.

'this year I have little motivation having made no friends'
I know you are lonely and want friends but I wouldn't bother pursing friends or a girlfriend until you have your life in check, you should be focusing entirely on yourself. You're lack of motivation isn't due to having no friends, it's due to having no goals, set a goal to move out of home then work towards your goal. Here's something that helps me, if you want something enough then you will achieve it, and it's true, you can't just want to move out, you have to wake up early and study, you have to study 16 hours a day, you have to skip meals, you have to sacrifice sleep, until you are willing to do that you probably won't achieve most of your goals.

You are putting no much emphasis on friends, even in the opening sentence you stated you haven't got a girlfriend and you are a virgin. I don't have any friends at university, or ever had a girlfriend or had sex, doesn't matter, that isn't the cause of your depression, it is the symptom.

Also driving lessons? You're priority has to be passing college and moving out then building a life for yourself. Stick to buses for now.

I know you also mentioned being given a 'meager allowance' doesn't it make you upset feeling like a burden, for me that would be enough to work my ass off and do them proud to show them their investment was not in vain. Use that money and spend it intelligently, if you don't have enough money for food tell them, 'hey i don't have enough money for food' they don't want you to starve to death lol, they probably thought they were giving you enough money, or maybe you are buying the wrong foods.

What about your brother? Do you speak with him, ask him for advice if you get on with him, it's a win win, if he gives you advice nice, if he doesn't give you advice then you can get pissed off and study harder to get better grades than he did to show how you don't need him.





I've found myself doing this in the past, it's out of a need for social validation and less so about actually wanting to end your own life. Something I learnt a while back which has stuck to me for a while imitates this:

I wasn't much interested in suicide, I was more interested in being noticed by others, therefore this quote really resonated with me and solved that problem.
Click to expand...
Simply beautiful.
 
badeae1 said:
I completely can relate to your situation. A dark place it certainly is. I'm 25 and I live with my folks, hopefully not for long.

Ill share with you my story:
I started out with nothing, zero expectations or purpose. Since I was young I was automatically suggested that I become either a doctor or an engineer (no excuses). My older brother went into medicine and then worked hard to get to the USA. In the meantime, I felt I was compared unfavorably to him and constantly put down by my father. So I decided after graduation to join medicine as well to make my father and mother proud. Didn't happen to impress them.

So here I am. A 25 year old graduate with a MD degree and little to no confidence in my field. But there is a huge difference between that 18 year old and me. I know realize that during that time I was verbally abused, put down and constantly compared (unfavorably) to my older brother. This triggered a sort of hard shell around people and made it difficult to open up to people. I feel like a fraud as a doctor and that I am a failure.

So I woke up one day and decided to work on it. I'm re-reading all that I did in my previous years as a sort of foundation. I no longer compare myself to my brother and I stand up to the abuse whenever it may happen although not always. I have noticed that most of these critical thoughts I cannot control and I must work to change my beliefs about myself and worth. I hope this helps you see that everything you talk about can be changed but it needs time. A lot of it. Be patient and be compassionate towards yourself.


Good. get angry but not at yourself but at others for letting you reach such a state at 18. Then accept responsibility for your current state and move on. Get a driving license. Get a part time job. Socialize online if you cant find people around you. Work on yourself. If you falter and fall that's part of life but learn from these mistakes. Don't put yourself down any further because no one can pick you up except yourself.

I wish you the very best. Stay clean
Click to expand...

are you me? i'm literally in the same boat right now, just a few years behind. in the fifth year of a seven year program...feel like a complete fraud due to various reasons. have struggled with self-esteem issues for as long as i can remember.
 
Hello, well I'm just 15 but I think I'm coming down with depression also I have axeinty because of pmo:( And was wondering if you can give me some tips, cuz I always feel lonely I can't get a girl (religion), and if it wasn't because of that I'll still won't get one cuz I have self doubt and am a bit "husky", and I don't think I'm attractive. But I was wondering if you can give me some tips for social skills and to focus on education and other tips because I no offense don't want to be in your situation and still watch pmo when I'm 22 also I know how it's like living in siblings shadow aswell
 
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