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living with the loneliness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Potato_22, Mar 29, 2018.

  1. Potato_22

    Potato_22 Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone i just wanna tell my history to you, ok I'm 20 when I was a kid I was a extrovert kid those kids who wanna play with everyone that is friend of all and everyone love but everything change when I was 10-11 i started to watch porn at that age, at the begin porn wasn't the problem it started when i lost my two best friends at the first year of the secondary school because they putted us in different rooms then they made new friends and I thought "well I'm a extroverted I should do the same" but I couldn't I don't remember why I forgot to mention that I was a really good student till that year well so my personality change a lot I became a shy/lazy person and I closed myself into a bubble, my grades dropped down a lot because i wanted to do nothing just stayed in my room with my computer playing video games then my addiction of watching porn rose and my loneliness grew up too; everytime that i started a friendship with someone I felt something inside me telling me "you don't deserve it, get away, you always have been alone, you don't need anybody" then I stopped to talk to him/her without any reason and i walked away of them, same history with girls; likewise for my personality people started to bullied me and I had eating disorders then I closed more the bubble where I was, so imagine mix those things with PMO. I lost the ability to speak with people everytime I talk with someone the nerveous and the insecurity arise and then the discomfort make me said weird, personal things or just they see my discomfort then they walk away.

    I started to feel comfortable with the loneliness I'm in a point where I don't feel nothing, just a internal void I finished high school almost 4 years ago and I'm not studying anything I'm at the same point closed in my room.

    I created my account here a couple months ago with the hope of overcome this vice because i feel like this is making me worse, I did the first 2 challenge 7-14 days without PMO but those negative thoughts emerged again and i've lost my way again, everytime I relapse I feel bad but not like in the past I just feel a eternal internal void, I've decided to share this just to see what you guys have to say I don't know what to do I don't what I don't know what will be of my; sorry for my broken english this is'nt my native language I'm from venezuela.

    I'm on a point where i can't even stay more than 5 days without PMO every lascivious thing make me back again and relapse
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2018
  2. Bip13

    Bip13 Fapstronaut

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    The story of yours sounds pretty true and honest and I can easily relate it with my life, well most of it. PMO is an easy pleasure thereby is an easy addiction. We all know the affects it has in our living. So keep trying bro. Many people have done some remarkable progress on this. And so can we no doubt if we really want to. Nowadays I keep my room open and bright. Try to get engaged in other stuffs and stay away from so called harmful sites and channels. And I'm making up my mind to hate P and M as much as I can possibly. I'm sure you are going to need to get outta this shit someday somehow man. So why not to make it earlier. All the best!
     
  3. jeremiah960

    jeremiah960 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for telling your story, very honest! You are accepted here. I find things that make me happy, healthy things like photography...get's me out of the house doing something interesting. I'll write again....:)
     
    Potato_22 likes this.
  4. jeremiah960

    jeremiah960 Fapstronaut

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    Have a great day...stay positive..! Happy Friday!
     
  5. Potato_22

    Potato_22 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for those good vibes I hope you have a good weekend too
     
    jeremiah960 likes this.
  6. john27

    john27 Fapstronaut

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    You're not alone. I've been alone for a long time as well. Struggling with bad anxiety when it comes to doing anything outside of my apartment, coupled with easy escape into the internet.
    I was a very outgoing and popular guy when I was younger, but over the years I have pushed absolutely everyone away. It's amazing how life can change.
     
    Deleted Account and Lonewolfpt like this.
  7. jeremiah960

    jeremiah960 Fapstronaut

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    3 days...is a good start. One week is coming up soon! Keep Going! I did a short hike this morning. Good to get out and catch some sun! ( and a couple photos )
     
    Potato_22 likes this.
  8. Potato_22

    Potato_22 Fapstronaut

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    I started to go to the gym 1 week ago, I hope that's gonna help me with my self-esteem I live in small town so here isn't too much things that you can do
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. I am glad you are here, understanding where and how you want to be, and what you need to do to get there. Going to the gym seems to be almost mandatory during a reboot (I've avoided it as part of the experiment, but it's looking like I'll have to simply to do something with the excess energy. I know you're lonely now, but you're also young. You've got a lifetime ahead of you, a lifetime without PMO, a lifetime of living boldly instead of just sitting in your room.

    Also, you're in freakin' Venezuela! You can't throw a rock out of a window without hitting beauty pageant contestant. Sure, the economy stinks, but the women...

    Seriously though, this about being an awesome Potato_22. Go out there and make him.
     
    Potato_22 likes this.

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