Lone Live

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Mr.Reaper, Jan 7, 2020.

  1. Mr.Reaper

    Mr.Reaper Fapstronaut

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    Hi there everyone. Quick question for you.
    Is there a possibility and is it safe to live entire life without any sorts of sexual activity? Without girls, PMO and other stuff?
    I just... dont believe anyone can have a crush on me at this point. All the girls that i tried to hit, are either calling me "a good friend, and its better to stay that way", or just straid making fun of me and my situation. And i dont understand why this is happening, since i neither egoistic, not stupid (at least i thing i am). I just... dosent have luck i guess. And since i decided to drop PMO completely, i become interested for advises on how to live without any sexual activity.
    Note. In contrast of many similar posts, i am not actualy depressed. Since i truly belive that i have enough inner strength to live life as it is and to acept any outcomes the fate decided to drop on me. So, thank all of you, for your responds. It would be interesting to hear you thought on that.
    Note 2. Sorry about mistakes in english. I am not live in a english speaking country.
    Have a good day.
     
    Empty Red Cloud likes this.
  2. 0ffset_

    0ffset_ Fapstronaut

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    I mean I had the same problem I thought it’s all about having a girlfriend and lose virginity but there is so much more to live try finding new hobbies or be more productive find your goal your passion it isn’t all about the girls, and if they want to be friends good hang out some more you can make friends for live!
     
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  3. Mr.Reaper

    Mr.Reaper Fapstronaut

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    I thinking similar way, but thats kinda difficult. As a men, we still, despite our efforts, will always subconsciously rank ourselfs by the amount of respects we attein from others as well as attraction from woman. Thats pretty much biologic. But i get your point, and i am trying to focus more on my life goals. It just hurt a little when i seing how my friends and other people that i known was able to find a partner without even second of hardworking. They just doing it. That feels a little unfair, you known. But i trying my best to ignoring that kind of stuff, and moving on. Hoping that one day i will be able to let it go completely. And actualy, it do get better, as time go on, as my streak is growing and as i focusing on more importand stuff. May be it will go away eventually, in time. What you thing?
    And btw. Thanks for respond. I hope your having a great day.)
     
  4. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    For me living without girlfriend,pmo and any sexual activity is normal and i feel better than ever.
     
  5. whiteflag70

    whiteflag70 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    glad that you are "trying to focus more on my life goals". i think that should be the way. I believe if we get our life in order (our goals, focus, priorities, taking care of ourself internal and external), then things will naturally flow better and in a positive way. If you can, try not to compare with others because different flowers bloom at different times. Continue the journey because YOU are the goal. I myself am at 49yo and i can tell you when i was 20-30s i was doing good, money and women but now im f*cked up. Lost basically everything and have to start over. I got addicted to weed and porn to handle my emotional baggage and lost focus and basically f*cked everything up. Success too soon, some would say. But if i can get back (at least half) of my level of confidence and i think i am more mature and experienced now, then my journey is not yet lost.

    Focus more on life goals (effort and patience), time comes when people can feel the confidence and see that you are grounded, you yourself can feel the inner confidence, then the goodies will come. Then you must be aware when you get laid not to catch hiv/std or get trapped by her pregnancy when she dont give a damn about you and you end up taking care of the kid and being her $money$ bank while she parties every night with chad & tyrone.

    p/s - im no expert but maybe you are too nice guy. Might want to check out matt, this youtube guru at 33 secrets, redpill if you are being friend-zoned all the time.
     
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  6. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Very good advice, totally agree.
    Wanted to add - try not to compare yourself with others too much, compare with yourself 1-10 years/months ago, are you improving quality of your life (in all the aspects, not just financially)? Also the image what we see from people and what they try to show us (like Instagram page) is not the reality, you don’t know what is happening in your friends couples when they are alone, etc. There are a lot of married people who just dream to be single again, that’s sad, so be thankful for your current situation (find positive stuff in it) and use it for your own good.
     
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  7. Mr.Reaper

    Mr.Reaper Fapstronaut

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    Thanks men, those word actualy have weight to me. It makes me thing about some stuff for a little.
    I thing the key is to have a proper dream and appreciate the actual present moment. To appreciate small stuff in the life. Most of the time i, and other people around, ignoring those while too much either regretting the past, or fearing about the future. Meanwhile happines is only and only at the present moment. Long story short, i thing that the actual deal is to focus on your dream and acknowledging the beaty of the present moment. But the thing about what i desire... is a little complicated. The thing is, i do not disire to just have a girl, or get laid. I want something much bigger then that. I want an a kin soul. You see, aside from two actual true friends and my sister, i am pretty lonely. In society, everyone just dosent give a crap about me, and i actualy fine with that. Never was a fan of huge companies anyway. But the soul desires to express itself to someone. To trust someone compleatly and being sure that you action and words will be taken seriously and with respect. That you won't be criticized. for instance, its pretty hard focusing on my dream, when even i, in dark times, dosent fully belive that i can do it. Add the fact that even my closest dosent belive in that either, results a pretty tough inner fight.
    As for you exact advise. I never understand that term of being "too nice guy". Isnt that the biggest value of human person, to be kind and understanding? If to have a girlfriend i would need to wear a mask of a "alpha cool dude", and act as someone else but not myself, i rather stay alone. At least i would be proude of myself for dont betraying who i really is.
    Perhaps i just naive, or too much romantic type person. Either way, i allways were, and will be beliving in something much bigger, then just simple "want".
     
    whiteflag70 likes this.
  8. ClenchedFist

    ClenchedFist Fapstronaut

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    When I was your age, with no money, no close friends, no girlfriend, and PMOing and playing videogames all night long, I used to lament why nobody wanted me for who I was and felt burning rage, jealousy, hatred even, for my peers who seemingly had everything (and most importantly, relationships).
    Then I sat my arse down and noticed that not all of those fellas were handsome or had cars or money or even trouble-free families, so I figured, instead of hating them for their success, why not take a close look at what they actually did right so I could learn a thing or two from them. And it worked.

    Relationships are by nature dirty and risky. You may get hurt and you may cause hurt, but if you check out of the game now you'll never learn how to handle one and you'll never know things about yourself you can't learn any other way.

    And just because you're in a bad place now, that doesn't mean you'll stay there for the rest of your life. Don't be your current self, but don't be someone else either. Be better.
     
  9. Marshall 5

    Marshall 5 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Mr. Reaper. I would suggest reading Robert Glover's book "No More Mr. Nice Guy". That way you'll understand what is meant by "nice guy" in this context, and how it can be a problem. It's not about becoming a jerk. You can still be a kind guy, a good guy, a guy with integrity! Who knows, you might end up disagreeing with the book anyway, but at least this will be clearer. A "nice guy" in Glover's use of the term has a lot of issues with needing external approval. It works against him in so many ways.
     
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  10. Mr.Reaper

    Mr.Reaper Fapstronaut

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    Really good comment. Its basiclly my deal. With th eception being that i dont feeling rage, jealoust or hatred. I just asking "Why? What is wrong with me?", and thinking that its kind of a unfair. Can you better explain what you actualy learn? it would be interesting to hear. The thing is. I never escaping socializing. I have no social anxiety. Acually, sometimes i even having a strength to talk with compleatly random peroson, if i have right attitude. Its more like, the others just seems refusing to anwser my atempts. By going of the rule of tring being better, i dealt with my modesty, and low confidence. So i tring to find, what exacly do i need, to make actual connections to people.
    As for the bad place statment, i too do hope when i get to the University in the next year (hoply) after my end with college, i will be able to attract more people. Mosly becouse i would have more free time then in that college (again, i hope). And becouse there would me more adult people, and that means, more interesting people.

    As for the "No more Mr.Nice Guy". I heared a loot about that book. Its even become interesting what are written in there. Can someone give me quak summorize of some tips? To at least have some expactations on what am i dealing with.
     
    Empty Red Cloud likes this.
  11. whiteflag70

    whiteflag70 Fapstronaut

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    Mr. Reaper, i think its great that you are looking for a deep connection with someone. I aint no expert on dating n relationship, just about the "nice guy" thing, maybe you'd care to google "dan bacon, nice guys" and see what he says. I dont know if you'd agree (some people think PUIs like him are total bs) but it think some of what he says makes sense and could give you a different point of view. Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2020
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  12. 0ffset_

    0ffset_ Fapstronaut

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    Ok, what whiteflag70 says is true I recommend using the push and pull method on girls (also guys) like saying something bad and 2 sec later saying something like I’m just joking. If you use it on girls it kinda flirting but they don’t really notice if they also like you they can do some test on you like saying “your ugly” “your never going to get a girlfriend” they are just testing your confidence don’t get nervous or mad or insecure or you failed the test they can also just go cold for some reason..
     
  13. muhagg

    muhagg Fapstronaut

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    You really need a change of your mentality.By your posts it seems that you see yourself as a victim.Listen everyone gets made fun of everyone gets ignored its not just you.You are stuck in friendzone and then you blame it on the luck/fate.It is not about luck or fate its about what you decide to do.Everyone has problems but some people decide to face them while others run/hide.
     
  14. Mr.Reaper

    Mr.Reaper Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, you kinda miss my mentality. I much more of a guy, that analyzes the situation, and tries to find the best way to solve it. I dont blame fate. I dont blame others for dont liking me, since you cant be liked by everyone in this life. I dont blame people for being better then me in that. Becouse everyone is the better in something of their own. I dont blame poeple at all. All people are great in they own way. What i try to get here, is additional view on the subject, in other to see what diraction i need to take, or what i can actually can do. If my best efforts would not be enought, then let it be as it need to happend. In a nutshell. My mentality is: "I do my best, but also be preapered for the worst untcome."
    So overall. Tring to find what i can do here.
     
  15. Mr.Reaper

    Mr.Reaper Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Whiteflag for tring helping me.) I will check that and give my response on dan bacon later.
    The thing about "Nice Guy" tho, is that when i tring to look "cool", or try act like "alpha", it ending up being relly factitious. Its just screams that it dosent me. Aspecialy for those that known me at least for a little bit. Besides, i alwais were wonder. Even if i would be able to find someone using that method. What will happen, if i drop my mask and stop acking "cool"?
    Dont known about whole "test your cofidence thing". That could be useful. Thanks pal.)
     
  16. I'm 42 years old and I've had a few girlfriends over the years. About 10 years ago I just went MGTOW MONKMODE and it's been the best decision in my life.

    Those friends you envy with partners might look happy but really they have no freedom. They argue with girls about stupid petty things you don't have to worry about. They spend money they don't want to. And in a few years they'll be divorced ex-husbands/boyfriends paying child support to woman who never really loved them anyway.

    You don't see how lucky you are. Practice meditation and find inner peace.
     
  17. muhagg

    muhagg Fapstronaut

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    So you are telling him to be a celibate.Relationships are risky but yeah if you don't want a girl thats your choice
     
    Empty Red Cloud likes this.
  18. He might be celibate by choice or against his desire be celibate due to rejection.

    Or at this time in his life sex may not be the most important thing. Inner growth /self improvement may be a better investment that chasing potang.
     
  19. muhagg

    muhagg Fapstronaut

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    But if you read the OPs post you can clearly see that he wants sex but can't.He is not a celibate by choice
     
  20. whiteflag70

    whiteflag70 Fapstronaut

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    Mr Reaper,
    Just be aware that there are pros and cons. ive meet some nice women before but the last one that i had sex with about 3-4 years ago was a crazy witchin, scheming "sweet as apple pie" man-user who could portray the sweetest personality a girl could have. I call her the she-devil and the sex was really good (maybe cause she had a crazy side) but thankfully i ended it cause she was nothing but trouble. If i had got her pregnant, it would be like going to jail for maybe 15-20 years. My life would be like 10x more f**ked than now and I can imagine the hell. I guess after that, i felt sex for fun wasn't really worth it or it could have been the porn use finally catching up to me. Before that, i was in a relationship with the most loyal and supportive woman that i had known. If i didn't have unsettled emotional issue and got into addictions which screwed things up, i would have spent my life with her gladly.

    And its true what emptyredcloud said that we dont really know what is going on behind closed doors. Ive had friends that i thought were happilly married and suddenly divorcing cause the marriage was shit. Though i've also seen a good friend who took his career to a new level cause he had a real good woman who managed to elevate his mentality up. Some of my married friends say that i should be having fun every night but i have done the "party/f**king" thing and it's boring after awhile and the thought of coming home to an empty house makes me a bit sad sometimes. I miss the heartful welcome that i used to get though being single has given my a new perspective and it was a required journey on my growth path as i lacked certain core things in my emotional system.

    I'm not totally against relationships as you can tell but Inner growth /self improvement should be our focus whether youre rich or poor, single or married. However, it doesnt mean you cant have a hobby or do something social to meet girls along the way but note that if you end up with a petty/shallow woman or a man-user (plus kids in such a situation), maybe even God can't help you.

    And im not saying a person got to be 'cool' or act alpha but i feel each one of us can develop an inner confidence (thru the development of our character/personality/eq). and the confidence is genuine, like being grounded & steady for real, so no mask to wear. imho wearing a mask is not such a good idea. If youre wearing a mask then youre not developing the 'real' you. But if you already have the core confidence, then adding a lil bit of 'salt n pepper' to elevate yourself is another matter. Ignoring the "ignorant confidence of youth", if we are honest we would know for ourselves if we are steady or insecure with things in life. People said i was confident but it was fake (i didnt know at the time cause i was ignorant and it was false bravado) and i got smashed later in life/by life cause my core character had no substance.

    And girls will test you. From what ive heard, its part of their subconscious survival mechanism. Take it as a compliment, if they are interested, they will test you. the 'shit' test.

    p/s - excuse me for the long post. i find relationship stuff interesting.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2020
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