I have been 2 days home alone. It has felt like a week already. I feel very lonely, I need his presence. I'm very afraid how I will survive with this anxiety the whole summer. I told him I feel unsafe. Because of my fears. What he's doing on his phone, on laptop, what he sees on TV and stuff like that. I live with a constant fear of that he will replace me mentally, like watching other girls (in that way) and forgetting me. Today I've read posts on Partner Hope and gained better understanding on my feelings. I also listened a podcast about abusive relationships and victim blaming, it was strengthening. I wanted to talk about how I feel if he objectified other women. He got a little bit frustrated at first, as he always do because apparently I don't know any good way to start a conversation like this. I hang up on him (we were talking on phone) because I was getting too upset. I took a little timeout and called back and he had also calmed down and we could discuss about it and he listened what I wanted to say. If he was at home, that thing could've escalated to an ugly fight. So this time the conversation went actually pretty well! Last night didn't go very well. I woke up middle of the night, and I was very upset. All the thoughts swirling in my head, what he has done and said, what he might be doing, is he fantasizing of others, all my bad dreams where he watched P.... I'm now laying in bed and writing this, not feeling very tired yet so I'm gonna continue listening to a podcast and hopefully I will get better sleep tonight.