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Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Liina, Apr 12, 2019.
Thank you all.
My bf bought me a beautiful watch for a bday present. It was beautiful because he really knew my style. It was leather wristband, I didnt have one of those yet, and the leather is very dark green and the watch is light beige with gold details like the pointers. He said he loves how dark green suits me and he thought what kind of clothes I have. It was so sweet. I really like that he had thought it so well.
We went out for a late lunch in afternoon, and I really had to do my best to not be too triggered all the time. The city center was full of people going to a festival, the festival attracted especially young people, so we had to walk past young, about 16-22 year old girls, dressed very revealing and tight clothes. I thought it was veeeeeryyy bad weekend to have a bday. And I get very triggered usually by young girls. My ex liked teens and said to me I was going to be too old after I turn 25 (when he said that he was 23 and I was 21). And, my bf is younger than me, he could still date 18-20 year olds. When I said it sometimes I feel very old for him because of that, and I sometimes have some issues with my age, he said he would feel like a pedophile to date so young girl. When we started dating (we were friends already before) he said he was very attracted to me because I was mature and he always thought he wanted someone older because his female friends at his age were so childish. So maybe I have to believe not all the men want only early 20's girls. That is difficult to believe though. I remember it when I wrote it here before that my mom told me she couldn't find anyone to date because those single men at her age was looking for 20-30 year olds.
Well anyway, back to my bday. I wanted to go to a specific restaurant and there was only a window table available. That felt nightmarish to me because then he could look out of the window all the time when those groups of young girls were passing by. It's so crazy, even choosing a table in a restaurant is a big deal. But, he wasn't looking out of the window. He was very focused on me and we had really nice lunch. We had never tried that kind of food before and he was bad at eating with chopsticks so he was following how I did it, we had discussion going all the time and had fun. After that we went to a coctail bar, I just wanted to try one coctail because I never drink them, but I ended up drinking 2 and he had 3 and we drink very rarely so both of us felt very tipsy and it was actually fun, because I felt more free from worrying and we laughed together.
That day reminded me how difficult it is to live normal life, just to have good time like normal couples. I have lot of work to do with BT. But it also showed me that it is possible to be "normal" one day. And that I'm learning to control my thoughts.
My bf told me yesterday he's feeling that we have gotten more close again. He apologized that he wasn't supporting me 100%. I understand it has been hard for him. But he's very sorry and wants to be better.
Attraction has so many aspects, not only age, facial appearance, body, wittiness etc.. definitely not all men are looking for early 20 something girls... Many may be, but it definitely seems your bf is not among them.... as he says, even more than age, other qualities such as maturity, kindness, selflessness, the ability to love someone truly, the ability to nurture a relationship etc are more important, and you may have many of these qualities that many younger people lack... So try to be confident in your own skin.... You know your good qualities, and they are your assets.... No need to compare yourself with anyone..... Your boyfriend seems dedicated to you... Just focus on your relationship.... Other girls don't belong in your relationship together so try to feel secure....