loneliness with autism

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by HopeThisWorks111, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. I'm a 17 year old straight guy, and I am lonely, but I have moderate autism. I'm on day 28 of reboot, and so far the reboot has not improved my social interactions with girls at all although I feel I am more social, and I definitely put a lot more effort and attention into social interactions now. I'm smart, and pretty good looking, but I lack common sense, and have no social skills to speak of whatsoever, and no matter how hard I try to learn them I can't pick up the finer details. Therefore I miss body language cues and find it hard or impossible to pick up on people's emotions, and find it hard to understand why people don't understand my own. I have weird posture(s) and I move like a robot, very jerkily, and sometimes stare for lengths of time that are considered strange. Additionally, I get bullied(I know what real bullying is like, this is the real deal, don't condescend) on a regular basis not only by my family but by kids at school, or just plain ignored, because I can't get social cues. I also get bullied by women who dislike me because I find it hard to empathize(because I can't understand their emotions) with others, because they see me as less than human or unworthy because empathy is a basic trait of humanity, and women care greatly about humanity and empathy. I'm practically one step up above a living robot. I am very kindhearted, and always being social, but no one responds to my gestures of friendship or kindness. :( Therefore I spend all my time studying mathematics and physics because it's the only thing that doesn't lie to me and isn't deceptive, the only thing that gives me peace. :( I want a girlfriend, someone I can talk to, but it's practically an impossible task. Please advise! I need help!
     
  2. JamesMC89

    JamesMC89 Fapstronaut

    24
    27
    13
    First I will say congratulations on your streak. You're almost to 30 and you're beating me, lol. I've struggled a lot in the past year with PMO and I will say it's nothing to take lightly. It's a dark hole that you don't want to go down.

    I have worked as a therapist for a few years with students on the autism spectrum (high and low functioning, no 2 are the same), so I may be able to understand your story somewhat. You say that you struggle with social skills, cues, and bodily movements, but it's great that you're aware of these things. Don't worry so much, you will get better at these things through adulthood, so it won't happen over night. I'm interested to know what your hobbies are, and at your age what are your plans for after high school. I know everyone has probably asked you that 100 times and will ask 1,000 times more, but it is important. It is important to have an identity, a sense of livelihood, and passions in your life. After that you can focus on your social skills, behaviors, etc, and then maybe down the road you'll meet someone. At the very least you can try dating apps just for the experience. You have nothing to lose.
     
    Citadelle and HopeThisWorks111 like this.
  3. Thank you. :) My hobbies are math and physics. That's about it. My therapist says I should be more balanced, but I don't really see anything else at the moment that doesn't involve independent studies.
     
  4. JamesMC89

    JamesMC89 Fapstronaut

    24
    27
    13
    Interesting. From what I've read on your profile, you are keeping in shape or should be at least physically fit. Do you play any sports. I did a lot when I was in school. Do you plan on going to college. You will find a lot more social/study groups if you go to college for math/physics or something else. Do you play any video games? I won't advocate for playing them that much, but they can provide a social bridge in some cases.
     
  5. I used to do wrestling, but it was pretty brutal, so I stopped. I do plan on going to college. I don't really play any video games except casual online ones, and I try to stay away from them, as I get addicted pretty easily.
     
    Citadelle likes this.
  6. JamesMC89

    JamesMC89 Fapstronaut

    24
    27
    13
    Well that's good that you don't waste time on video games I guess. I guess my best advice is try studying comedy. It's something I was never good at when I was your age, but managed to develop my own style/sense of humor. I tend to have a very dry/ironic style, but that's me I guess. I could recommend some dating/pick-up advice, but there's a lot of bad advice/useless junk out there, so it's hard to tell.
     
  7. I don't know what it's like to be autistic or much about autism in general, so I'm reluctant to give any advice on how you should approach life. Maybe do some study on the theory around psychology, human interactions, body language etc so you can at least understand abstractly what people are doing and why? If you like mathematics you might at least be able to relate to the sciences involved in human behaviour. We are machines after all. All our mechanisms follow natural laws.

    This is just a suggestion though. Maybe run it past your therapist.

    Regarding the bullying though. That says more about the bully than it does about you. I know it's easy to say, but they're not worth any of your brain cycles.
     
    Citadelle likes this.

Share This Page