loneliness

Definitely, I think we all use porn to feel desired or comfort ourselves. From things I've read and my experience, creating genuine, and unconditionally loving relationships is a huge part of recovery. One of my biggest triggers is stress or fear of failure so when I am stressed it really helps to reach out to someone that knows me and loves me. This really keeps me from relapsing. Reaching out can be scary but it's worth it.

 

PMO was the friend that made us all happy everyday but it required us to devote to it day and night. PMO made us lonely even though we have/had friends. PMO was the highlight of our day but no more no more PMO. Let's win this battle with our brain. Every day we win is one step to a better us. So let's keep it clean.

 

The reason I started porn was because of loneliness. The first year I became homeschooled I found porn and I've been PMOing ever since and I even had friends back then! Now I have no friends because I realized most of the people I had been hanging out with weren't great people and all the good friends I had my brother basically stole... so I guess they weren't as good as I thought... and now that I actually want to start making friends again the PMO induced anxiety makes it really difficult...

 

I'm lonely too. People say you have to learn to love yourself to attract friends, but it is not enough to enjoy your own company. This is my first attempt at NoFap, so if a miracle was ever possible, it will come from this challenge, in the form of good, meaningful relationships with people. Stay clean, have faith.

 

Loneliness was a key factor in my PMO useage as well, and I admit, I didn't find a solution. Instead of talking to strangers, my best bet would be to join some kind of a group or something.
Like I went to kung fu lessons, and gained many friends there. Or join a chess club. Or learn to play some sports. Possibly where there are boys and girls as well. It's much easier to start a conversation with the opposite sex if you already have something in common, and the rejection chance is much lower than in a random encounter on the streets.

Yes, probably you'll have to find time and money to do this, but it help tremendously, and who knows? Maybe you'll find a gf or bf in that group.
I met my current gf in a christian camp for example.

 

I've noticed that as I abstain from Fap, my fantasies change. A lot of the purely erotic, pornographic fantasy drops off right away (not all), and what replaces it are more actually romantic fantasies. These two states correlate with different chemical systems in the brain as well. I am wondering what happens if I just keep going? Will those romantic fantasies also give way to something else? Like more of a longing for a more spiritual thing? I really don't know. But I suspect that some kind of loneliness is at the core and the behaviors have protected me from that. I was talking to a guy yesterday who has finally quit drinking after 30 years. He discovered that he had a huge amount of shame underneath it all, left over from being bullied as a kid. He really had never made the connection until 80 days of sobriety for the first time in his life. Anyway, I wonder sometimes if the clear longing and desire I feel so much of the time is ultimately a longing for something spiritual or deeply emotional rather than sexual.

 

Probably, yes. Despite what sometimes people promote, we are spiritual beings with spiritual needs. If all that would matter would be fucking, prostitutes and porn stars would be the happiest people of Earth...and we know this is not the case.

 

That is really cool. I remember before I was PMO'ing I would have those more romantic fantasy. I hope to get back there one day.

 

I try to keep myself busy so I don't feel lonely. It's not really an emotion that has much value... although I do like to observe the emotions around loneliness(sadness, anger, ect..) and work with those.
I feel like the internet age in America we have lost something in social connection.
If you go to a different country it can be a lot easier to meet people.
However that isn't a reason not to try to meet people, if you make yourself accessable by putting yourself in the right place at the right time people are a lot easier to meet.

 

Dont worry bros. I was alone for 5years and my ex-girlfriend filled it. 6months without her i found my real first friend. he is 10years older than me. He is Sparring brother , We have the same weightlifting routine and we workout together. We have non-alc beer at the gymbar after workout and we talk about everything. I know back in time where i said i dont need friends. Now i feel so much better with a good friend. Just hang in there. Talk to people. I went to play pool alone for 6months everything i was doing alone. it takes patience... now i know why its a virtue