Lonely at night home alone

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by HarryTrevor, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. HarryTrevor

    HarryTrevor Fapstronaut

    Anyone else have this? I am usually pretty fine during the day, but at night I am alone in my house, in front of the computer, working, reading or entertaining myself. The later into night it gets the more lonely I feel. During the day I feel alright, maybe because the Sun is out and I can go in my yard and work with my hands, or go to town and do something, but night just tends to be triggering and lonely.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Chappie77

    Chappie77 Fapstronaut

    Yeah felt it last night and a little tonight.
    I'm new to this NoFap method.
    I have sexual dysfunction caused by PMO.

    NoFap started a lot better than I thought it would.
    I'm so conditioned to arousal with porn simply avoiding porn has meant I have not had any urges or erections.
    I'm now six days in.

    I have been avoiding women for a long time.
    Having been upset, frustrated and embarrassed by sexual dysfunction in the past.
    I haven't had a relationship for 15 years.

    This week gave me hope for the future.
    I was happy with my progress.
    Really happy that I was doing something about changing my life for the better.
    Yesterday I even got chatting to an attractive woman.
    Wasn't salacious or anything but I did try my charm and wit on her and she seemed to respond positively.
    It felt good.
    I haven't done anything like that in years.
    But now I'm kinda thinking it was a mistake and I need to concentrate on abstinence.
    I was avoiding women and using PMO as a substitute.
    I had resigned myself to that lifestyle.
    But now my direction is changed.
    I felt last night an overwhelming emotion to have a companion, a soulmate, a partner.

    Dating, rejection and relationships are hard.
    You can invest a lot into them and get hurt as a return.
    PMO is easy. It always pays off with a hit.
    But my biggest urge right now is to have a normal loving relationship between a man and a woman.
    It's kinda scary leaving your comfort blanket and putting yourself out there for potential rejection or embarrassment.

    Sorry for the rambling post. Just wanted to vent a little.
    Keep your eye on the goal and keep hope in your heart
    Enwar, moulox and Breadman like this.
  3. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

  4. Dadaras

    Dadaras Fapstronaut

    I feel your pain, I live alone and I’m struggling aswel plus I am a devoted Christian but God is healing me slowly slowly, we must keep fighting, don’t give up
    Enwar and HarryTrevor like this.
  5. Newuser101

    Newuser101 Fapstronaut

    Wow, that's a strong decision you made to change. I was in similar to your situation for 8 years. Also, almost didn't try to approach a woman. Nofap for more than 100 days helped to overcome it. Now I can approach women on the streets and their number. Good luck with your journey!

    harris37 likes this.
  6. harris37

    harris37 Fapstronaut

    Yeah I definately have this especially on weekends but try keep myself busy, make new friends, see family, go to the gym, read a good self help book, one I started last night was The power of now by Ekkhart Tolle. Also working the 12 steps of Na... this teaches you to be happy as you are and rid you of any shortcomings and defects. Makes you feel less alone
    Newuser101 and HarryTrevor like this.
  7. Totally understand what ur saying. I travel a lot so imagine an empty hotel room all alone. Now the loneliness kicks in and so does the PMO.
    I just joined today but completely understand.
    Hope ur having a decent day.
  8. Avenging Marmoset

    Avenging Marmoset Fapstronaut

    Congrats on the change! Keep in mind you would still be fighting and having to deal with urges and this addiction even if you had, um, "company", and being in a relationship would probably not help or harm either way. So you're not worse off as a porn addict because you're single. Spend you free time doing anything to stay busy. I'm 49 and i like to put on my really good headphones, get some tunes going and work on a jigsaw puzzle or one of the more advanced Lego sets. It almost ends up being a meditation. Same with computer chess. I recommend though setting up a real chess board in front of you representing the game being played on the computer. I also re-read as an adult all the classics they rammed down my throat as a kid in high school. It's amazing how different of a perspective you have on those works as an adult. Even if you can't bring yourself to do something productive, at the very least, pop open a beer (just one) and zone out to a movie. Watch AFI's top 20 movies of all time, in order, make a thing of it. It's better than porn, right? Or hang out on one of the forums here and give back to the community by constructively responding to posts. There may be someone halfway around the world about to use, asking for help in the middle of (their) night and maybe you're the one who saved them from doing so bc it was you who happened to be up at the time and told them to not ruin their streak. You do have a responsibility to give back to this community. Do ANYTHING but porn!

    Fwiw, sunday nights are always a drag for me. I just try to have something planned for sunday. A nice dinner for myself, movie, etc. Don't wing it just bc you're single.
  9. Great ideas!
    Funny I have to admit after going to LEGOland about a year ago I too purchased some big complicated sets. They’re a blast to build!
    I’m 46 and having a childhood retro moment playing with legos again.

    I think your suggests r spot on. Need to keep busy and plan in advance.

  10. Enwar

    Enwar Fapstronaut

    God bless you, brother, and all those who try to quit pornography.
  11. Ji83j

    Ji83j Fapstronaut

    This is like me in the winter too, in the summer I can go outside and enjoy the warmth and sun, but in the winter it gets dark at 5pm and it’s bone chilling freezing outside. I guess it’s seasonal depression which is common.
    Enwar likes this.
  12. Ferns

    Ferns Fapstronaut

    I experience loneliness af during nights which is my most vulnerable time. I used to fill this with PMO but now that i removed it, my body and mind is trying to replace that gap that’s made. I constantly think of wanting a girlfriend so bad lol
  13. Avenging Marmoset

    Avenging Marmoset Fapstronaut


    Good for you, glad it helped. Really, pmo would not be anywhere as long lived or satisfying as those other things. Those activities have a takeaway. pmo does not, and you'd be right back to being bored in a few minutes, and you'd only you'd be drained, ashamed, and having flushed any streak you had going.
    Deleted Account and Enwar like this.
  14. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    I get it man, after work you’re usually expected to go relax with at least some company but it’s tough when you don’t have that. Our minds aren’t distracted by much after work and at least at work we’re surrounded by co workers.

    I say try finding an online community or people to text. Could help.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. So true Kman.
    Thank u for the message and support!

    Kman20 likes this.
  16. Chappie77

    Chappie77 Fapstronaut

    I'm teetering on the edge.
    I've had a tough few days.

    Saturday I had strong urges, thoughts of sex and porn would keep flashing in my mind, some of which I allowed to linger, I couldn't escape from them, distractions seemed empty and meaningless.

    Sunday morning I woke up with an erection (first since I started), I don't think I had a sex dream, I let it go, but intrusive thoughts persisted.

    Monday my testicles felt heavy, strong urges to PMO, further intrusive thoughts.

    This morning I was looking online and I was drawn to a females social media, I started to look at pictures of her with her friends and I started to get an erection, I kept looking for around two minutes before I stopped myself.

    I'm not feeling very confident about being able to attract a woman. I'm discounting myself as being a normal, anyway attractive, desirable sexual being. Somewhere deep in my brain there is a voice telling me to PMO, I'll be happier. I feel like a marathon runner who has never trained and is now hitting that wall at the quarter stage.
    I'll keep on running though, writing this down has helped, I'll do better to stay away from danger, I'm kinda kicking myself now for allowing my thoughts to escalate into behavior.
    Enwar and Deleted Account like this.
  17. Chappie77

    Chappie77 Fapstronaut

    Just to let everyone know I'm feeling a lot better now after visiting this site.
    It caused me to do a little browsing, and I watched a video that really helped.
    I'm sure many of you are familiar with it, but I found it very enlightening for a newbie.
    I can now see that a wild fluctuation in confidence can be an expected withdrawal symptom

    Last edited: Sep 10, 2019
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. KiryuKazuma

    KiryuKazuma Fapstronaut

    I am on the weekends always Lonely, but i like it in some way. Sure on a Friday or Saturday i like to go out with some good friends but i also like to spend time at home playing a game or watching something on Netflix and walking in the Night with my Dog. After Years of never having a real Relationship i get used too it, but sure i also wished i could enjoy the time with someone i love. But its okay to be alone, sometimes you need the time for yourself thats why i never like to do something on a sunday i want to be at home all day doin' nothing prdoductive and that's totally okay!

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