Lonely life of Femdom at 35 years old.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Ray S, Jan 24, 2022.

  1. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    First off I think I really need a girlfriend.


    My story has similarities as other guys on this forum that have developed a taste for Femdom.

    Starting with a playboy magazine, then porn pictures and when puberty came along tighter with high speed internet porn, I found my addiction.


    Prostitution is legal in the Netherlands where I live and I visited prostitutes from a young age.

    Even my prostitution visits have developed into kink prostitutes and Dominatrixes.

    There’s a large market for kink prostitution and I am girls and I am active on twitter and prostitution forums.


    With a pay rise from work two years ago my visits have gone up.


    What I conclude so far:

    Does it kill boredom? Yes.

    Does it please sexually? Yes.

    Is there excitement? Yes.


    But already 2 years have passed and now what?

    I haven’t dated any girls just to have fun.

    Let alone have the opportunity to develop an intimate relationship with a woman.


    I am getting older and older and I am scared if I will ever find a decent woman that I find attractive and have nice intercourse.


    Due to corona dating in bars was not possibly, they now are reopened and I am desperate to date women.


    Really really desparate….


    Any tips advice?
     
    Fantareality, Nugget9 and Beekind like this.
  2. Dude, you want a decent woman, yet you don't seem like a decent man. You don't need a woman. A woman isn't going to solve your problems. You need to put your shit together.

    Work on yourself, become a decent man, and then decent women will come to you.
     
  3. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    I know what angle you come from.

    But I am caring, hard working, family man, friendly to people.
    A lot about me is decent!
    I need a woman to have sex with, period.
    It helps me lot to have a woman around.
     
    Peaceful magic 21 and Beekind like this.
  4. I am not sure what exactly is the question here…

    how to quit or how to or where to meet women…

    I feel you are desperate yes, and lonely I guess too.
    I think you know that hookers no longer give you satisfaction.
    I hope you find your way!
    Best of luck!
     
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  5. Graysongert

    Graysongert Fapstronaut

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    As someone who has done both. Dated many women in a healthy, beutiful way, and also unfortunately am stuck in this femdom shit, mostly virtually, but visited dom's etcc and its bleeding into real life now also.

    Some of the best dates i've ever been on, were such beautiful heart felt moments. But i was young, naive, and didn't have all this dark shit i've now been exposed to for the last 5-6(going on 12) years. It's a shame really.
    I wish i could be that person i was 5 years ago.

    Not sure if that helps you, but if you have any specific questions let me know.
     
  6. Porn addiction, femdom fetish (not only watching porn, but actively looking to do it in real life), regular on prostitutes... And that is only what you yourself have told us.

    "A lot about me is decent"-Well, there are women who you consider not decent enough for you. What makes you think that "a lot about me" should be decent enough for those you consider decent women?
    Look at the facts: if you are "decent enough", why aren´t you attracting "decent woman"? It is not because there aren´t decent woman anymore. It is because you still aren´t the decent man you can be. Abandon that entitled attitude soon, because it is doing you no good.

    You say you are hard working? Great.
    You say you are caring? Great.
    You say say you are friendly to people? Fine, i guess?
    But a family man? I don´t think so. I can´t imagine a family man being so consumed by porn, spending so much money on prostitutes. Specially on your femdom fetish.

    Listen pal, im not trying to bring you down. Im not saying that you will never become a man, nor that you won´t find a decent woman to marry.
    I´m saying that right now, you are not husband material.
    But you can become one. In the future. I don´t know if near or distant, but in the future.

    But first you have to accept that there is a problem. And it has to do with you. It´s not lacking a girlfriend. And it´s not lacking sex, period (if it were, why don´t you go to a prostitute as you´ve done before?).
    Loneliness is not the problem neither, it´s the symptom. And by having a girlfriend, you will solve nothing.

    If you want to bring happiness to your future wife, you have to work on you. Decent enough is not enough for the woman you want to love, marry and spend the rest of your life with.
     
  7. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    I understand people on this forum are educate on porn and prostitution consumption.
    Am I drawn to these sexual activities? Yes.
    Does it cause problems at times? Yes.

    But do I have to constantly burden myself with this big big label that I have a 'problem'?
    No, I dont think so.

    I think women have problems as well.

    Its not like the movies where its all romantic and fulfilling.
     
  8. trylifeagain

    trylifeagain Fapstronaut

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    I've been in your spot. And, yes, it's been not so easy to stay away from it. Pros will make you sort of forget how much time has gone by without a date.

    So, do you have a problem or not?

    Why does it matter if women have problems as well, by the way? Did you post to tell us this?

    Please be aware: they may not be saying it to you, but if there are people around you, they are probably wondering why you haven't been on a date in two years or have no girlfriend. Doing those things or having one doesn't make you a winner, but it's a sign of a decent, normal, well-adjusted person. Maybe they can't put their finger on the exact reason, but someone knows that something is up. Don't fool yourself.
     
  9. AlexFightsAlex

    AlexFightsAlex Fapstronaut

    This
     
  10. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    I know people think something is up.
    Mostly people think I am gay.
    But it's not only due to femdom porn.
    I'm also autistic and corona was not helpful into getting a date.

    Besides I see uneducated and non adjusted people dating and reproducing all the time.

    I do not want to deny femdom is a problem, but I have more problems.

    On the other hand, women have problems as well, so I am not going to abstain myself from dating.

    Not really motivating from people on this forum being harsh about being a total package in order to date.

    I think most guys struggle with fetishism, so don't know why these people are so strict about who you have got to be before you can meet a proper women.
     
  11. trylifeagain

    trylifeagain Fapstronaut

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    If you're indeed autistic (I used to be an educator and there were a lot of self-diagnosed autists, and there's more to come), that will certainly make it difficult for you to make sense of what you perceive as a tight of "strictness." I think you are missing that in a sense others' responses will mirror a lot of what you are bringing to the table or the situation. While I'm not trying to body shame anyone, being in shape, having one's hair cut and beard trimmed properly, and wearing an outfit the looks like you are with the times and have a sense of fashion--among other non-tangibles--will change the way women are responding to you, and it will show something more like a sense of decentness. But because we only have what you have written here, and many of us have been in a similar spot, we all know that we were walking around delusionally entitled to attention, to not paying for sex or for our sexual needs, forgetting that we didn't really bring much to the table, or didn't give an impression that we bring much to the table.--Indeed, it isn't really motivating. I think you sort of got called out and haven't explained yourself in your entirety. Some of your statements remind others of someone who isn't ready to turn a corner, look at themselves in the mirror, and take responsibility.
     
    toziko likes this.
  12. so don't know why these people are so strict about who you have got to be before you can meet a proper women.

    I think they trying to make a point. If you wish thing change you need to change a thing or two in your life.
    So go out and change something in the routine. I think we believe you need to change the pattern of visiting pros and just be with yourself for a while before you start looking for woman.
    Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we are right.
    No reason not to give it a try. You have nothing to lose.
     
  13. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    The strictness I am trying to refer to focuses on the dating women part.

    I interpret some of the first comments as: you are not ready for a woman, because you don't sound like a decent man.
    I ques that is because I wrote in this thread I watch femdom porn and visited prostitutes.

    I find it very 'strict' to, because of the reason mentioned above, abstain from dating women and only date women if I am more of a complete package so to speak.

    I disagree with for a number of reasons.
    First of, I do not neglect myself completely.
    I am hard working, friendly and can maintain a conversation etc.

    Second, I watch femdom porn and visit prost because I have no other sexlife.
    Kicking habits and having no sexlife with a real women is not doable.

    I am highly sexual and it plays a large role.

    I just thought people could be more understanding about this issue.

    But like I said, I find the ball really played on the man here and not really supportive.
     
  14. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    You are a good man, but you need to claim your masculine heritage.
    You have renounced your masculinity for excitement and pleasure.
    You need to heal your self esteem. With a new self-esteem, you will attract the right woman.
    Good women are everywhere, waiting for you to heal and become the man you were meant to be.
    Enough femdom shit.
    This is for men who are lost and confused.
    A man with a healthy self-esteem will never ever accept humiliation and takes no shit from no one.
    I am here to help if you need it.
     
    Reborn66 likes this.
  15. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for you help.

    Still I would like to adres first, saying I am not claiming my masculinity and femdom is for confuse men is really hard language.

    Its needs more nuance in a way.

    All I need to do is experience women in a healthy way.
     
    Beekind likes this.
  16. YoungMedic

    YoungMedic Fapstronaut

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    The way I see it, you have one of two options.

    A. You put in the work to become the kind of man that women want to openly talk to and date.

    B. Stop posting about these issues if you are not willing to accept the advice people have to offer.

    Seriously dude if you want to find a high quality relationship you have to become a high quality man. To me, it sounds like you are impartial and a bit lazy to the idea of change. You say that you are here to figure out how to attract women worth dating? Stop visiting prostitutes to start. This alone is a low quality trait in a man. On top of that if you think you can just go out there and start dating you would be pretty damn wrong. If you do not take time to improve yourself, you will attract low quality women at best. And if you are so comfortable with your flaws, as well as pointing out the flaws of women why would you even post on this site?

    Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all people who join this forum, and I am a firm believer in people who need help should get help.
    I seriously think you need to take a humble step back, and admit where you need to move your life in order to meet your goals.
     
    Reborn66, Beekind and PrinceDaniel like this.
  17. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    If femdom is healthy as you claim, then why are you here posting your problem on this forum?
     
    Reborn66 and PrinceDaniel like this.
  18. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    You seem to not like the fact that people are telling you to forget about women for the time being. So, please tell us, why is it so important for you to have "...a woman to have sex with, period." This is your life, you are free to ignore us. What kind of response are you trying to elicit from us?
     
    Beekind likes this.
  19. lirider

    lirider Fapstronaut

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    I believe you can be decent and an addict...I also believe that porn and fueling the fire with prostitutes is prolonging your sex addiction and self loathing. I was SERIOUSLY addicted to porn for 20 years (high speed internet). Once I realized porn is "bad" and curbed my use I no longer "perv" on EVERY woman I see. I don't think about sex ALL the time. It is actually freeing. I do go back to looking at girls online but not 10 hours a day. Might I suggest a little curbing of your consumption and stop feeding your addiction. Start slow.
     
    Bob_the_Rebuilder likes this.
  20. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    I have read every comment.

    But I have no energy to reply on the content.

    Do you need to reboot? Most likely.
    Do I need to abstain from women? Perhaps.

    All I know a few years back, before corona, I had frequent dates with women.

    I just want to write this of my chest.

    I lost my flow in online dating, I feel.
    I am super nervous about my looks, finances and overal confidence.
    I also worry about even having a wife and let alone children.

    I am active on a forum that review prostitutes.
    I look at the BDSM section and men write their experiences of the women and if they are actively receiving clients.
    These men really make a hobby of this and but I don’t want to continue this path.

    I walk the red light district every two weeks and it hits my confidence and wallet.
    Believe me in the Netherlands (not Amsterdam) prostitutes have signs that say SM and Kinky Sex.

    I hear people having problems with porn, well try ignoring BDSM clubs and red light districts.

    Some men over here just dont give a shit , have girlfriens, wifes and a family and just go and do their business at these places and here I am eating myself because of this and letting my best years just go by.

    I am sad.
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2022

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