Long term consequences for acting out

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Yeah I never considered I was gay or anything and I was heavily on drugs and alcohol both times never even watched transwoman porn besides being on drugs. Even when I was doing it a part of me was extremely disgusted but the impulse to get a dopeamine rush unfortunately won over. I don’t know if anyone has seen that movie shame with Michael fassbender but that’s basically the kind of mentality I had except on coke cut with amphetamines as well. It’s like being possessed by a demon and waking up realizing you’ve been violated even if it was just receiving oral sex it makes my skin crawl just to think about it.
 
bjorkstadski222 said:
i have. I’ve come to terms with the things I’ve done. In hindsight they aren’t overly crazy or illegal, it was just shameful to me.

I’m a very carefree person for as long as I can remember though.
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This is awesome. Im learning to frogive myself and its so liberating. The way you guys phrased the situation in this thread really got through to me for some reason
 
Brokenwings27 said:
This is awesome. Im learning to frogive myself and its so liberating. The way you guys phrased the situation in this thread really got through to me for some reason
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That’s good. I mean, we’re our own harshest Critics.
And if you didn’t feel bad about it that would mean you’re a sociopath so good on you for coming on here.
You’ve already taken the 1st step.

Life is all about learning and growing from the past.
I can see when people are stuck in a cycle cause they don’t learn from their mistakes. They can’t figure out what’s wrong and always blame an external source when in reality we creates our own paths.
 
Well, you can't change the past and you should have thought about this before acting out.

Your entire life will definetly be affected by what you did, there's no way out from it. Only thing you can do is learn how to live with it.
 
phwrancesco said:
Well, you can't change the past and you should have thought about this before acting out.

Your entire life will definetly be affected by what you did, there's no way out from it. Only thing you can do is learn how to live with it.
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Bjorkstadski said he made a fully recovery and it doesnt effect him any more. I think if we give moments this much power we will always be crippled by them. If we slip up we should be able to brush it off.
 
phwrancesco said:
Well, you can't change the past and you should have thought about this before acting out.

Your entire life will definetly be affected by what you did, there's no way out from it. Only thing you can do is learn how to live with it.
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@brokenwing27 it will only affect the rest of your life if you let it.
I hope you can Come to terms with it. If you can accept that you were wrong you can move on.
We’re all human and make mistakes.
 
Mipomsix said:
has anyone else dealt with this type of heavy guilt and shame?
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Not that deep. But I've felt it deeply and for a very long time. Yes, therapy (really, talk about it) will erode all that stone with time. You can't erase the past that's vigorously asking for a release, because you are the release.
 
phwrancesco said:
Well, you can't change the past and you should have thought about this before acting out.

Your entire life will definetly be affected by what you did, there's no way out from it. Only thing you can do is learn how to live with it.
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Bit of a bleak outlook. I know that is the tough truth about I should’ve never done it but I’d like to think I can forgive myself and live a good life eventually. I didn’t hurt anyone but myself. I def would’ve preferred not having to learn the hard lessons and blemish myself but I refuse to live in misery and shame the rest of my life.
 
Mipomsix said:
Bit of a bleak outlook. I know that is the tough truth about I should’ve never done it but I’d like to think I can forgive myself and live a good life eventually. I didn’t hurt anyone but myself. I def would’ve preferred not having to learn the hard lessons and blemish myself but I refuse to live in misery and shame the rest of my life.
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I dont think that outlook is the right one to have. You can fully overcome this. You are the same person, and you are worthy.

Bury the hatchet. See it for what is it. Dont be too hard on yourself. We all fall under pressure and do weird stuff. You knowing this fact is enough to stand straight up and be strong enough to walk away. Never let your flaws of your past get the best of you. Youre not damage or blemished.
 
Mipomsix said:
Bit of a bleak outlook. I know that is the tough truth about I should’ve never done it but I’d like to think I can forgive myself and live a good life eventually. I didn’t hurt anyone but myself. I def would’ve preferred not having to learn the hard lessons and blemish myself but I refuse to live in misery and shame the rest of my life.
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Btw with all do respect that is not the tough truth. Its only partially true but misguised. If youre driving on the high way and a car forces you to merge into a different lane, you cant change the fact that happened, and itll never change, but in the end it has no effect, you still get to your destination, it may have slowed you down, it may have been left field, you may have raised your fist in anger, but all of that passes and you get back on track. See the bigger picture.

If this was really true everybody would be stuck in the mud and never overcome their situation. People choose to do that. Others choose to rise against all odds. Even if those odds you placed on yourself. What happened was a sign you werent on the right track, what did that show you? To change directions. Are you still stuck in the same direction or have you changed
 
Hey man, I can really relate to your story! Also about 3-4 years ago I was heavily into transwoman porn, I still battle with it though. But as a result of that I also acted out many times with transwomen, I also feel like it has scarred and I do still obsess about it from time to time. I have had a girlfriend since then and it did help me for a while but the shame and the guilt cam back. I just hope that in time we can heal from what we have done to ourselves. Stay strong mate!!
 
Appreciate it! I think the hardest part is realizing that this is not the kind of thing you’re attracted to and want in your life but not being able to take back your actions. For instance I would never tell anyone it’s cool or no big deal to mess with a transexual person. I find a lot of people who try to justify what I did by saying trans and cos women are the same and only straight guys like trans. I can’t agree as there is a huge difference.It’s something I’m even more adverse to now than before, but I also feel like a hypocrite and a failure having acted out myself. I have empathy for trans people and people who have acted out in any way but I feel like it was a huge misstep and as someone who is Heterosexual.
 
Mipomsix said:
Appreciate it! I think the hardest part is realizing that this is not the kind of thing you’re attracted to and want in your life but not being able to take back your actions. For instance I would never tell anyone it’s cool or no big deal to mess with a transexual person. I find a lot of people who try to justify what I did by saying trans and cos women are the same and only straight guys like trans. I can’t agree as there is a huge difference.It’s something I’m even more adverse to now than before, but I also feel like a hypocrite and a failure having acted out myself. I have empathy for trans people and people who have acted out in any way but I feel like it was a huge misstep and as someone who is Heterosexual.
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I know how you feel, one of my friends even told me that I should just accept myself when he clearly does not understand that the reason I acted out was a consequence of my addiction to porn. I think it's hard for people to understand this issue epically if they are not educated on the subject. And porn addiction is till a very new phenomena so you cannot expect people to understand with the lack of knowledge.
 
It’s nice to have someone on the same page. People either think it’s some repressed homosexuality or that it’s a natural Heterosexual response to a persons femininity. I can’t speak for everyone else but in my case it was honestly something unnatural that only gained appeal to me through drugs and porn. I would always choose a real woman over trans and that’s not coming from any place of hate or bigotry it’s just the truth.
 
Mipomsix said:
It’s nice to have someone on the same page. People either think it’s some repressed homosexuality or that it’s a natural Heterosexual response to a persons femininity. I can’t speak for everyone else but in my case it was honestly something unnatural that only gained appeal to me through drugs and porn. I would always choose a real woman over trans and that’s not coming from any place of hate or bigotry it’s just the truth.
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I do not believe it's repressed homosexuality at all, for some people it can be sure. But since it was a gradual progression over time trough addiction. That's not homosexuality that's habituation and a numbed pleasure response. If you felt like this in early childhood or before porn addiction it would be another discussion, but thats not the case here.
 
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