Long Term Singles

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by reddyyfreddyy, Oct 26, 2019.

  1. reddyyfreddyy

    reddyyfreddyy Fapstronaut

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    Shout out to all you lonely guys out there You are not alone. There are tons of us. I wonder how many guys on here are longterm singles?
     
  2. heidelberg

    heidelberg Fapstronaut

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    I don't know if I am for sure, but I feel like one. My lady confirmed our break up today (it has dragged on for a few weeks), so I'm swimming in grief. Even though it was a relationship with plenty of issues. It was far from perfect.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2019
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  3. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    Because of porn I've never been a relationship. Not because I prefer it more, but because I know what that can do to relationships and I really don't want to cause any woman that kind of pain. I know being alone isn't the right way, but I'm not sure what else to do.
     
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  4. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to that, been there myself.

    I’m finding that getting out there and forcing myself to interact with others helps give motivation to quit. I still struggle with PMO but am doing better than two years ago when I started.

    When I interact with others I can see that socializing is a good thing and I will not get better unless I quit porn fully. So I keep trying instead of throwing in the towel.

    Meetup.com has been a great resource for me in getting out more.
     
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  5. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    But the thing is I don't want to meet a perfectly decent woman and dropping the pmo bomb. Like I don't want to be dishonest or make her feel like trash.
     
  6. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    In order to become better men we need to learn how to socialize with everyone, men and women. Also we need to be patient when it comes to meeting a good woman.

    Improving ourselves takes time.

    We need to get out of the house with the goal of becoming better men, not the goal of meeting women. As we improve our character then we will become attractive to the right type of women. We will also learn through trial and error how to handle these awkward situations like talking about our past and our current issues. I’ve made some socializing mistakes and have learned from them. I’m 100% sure I’ll make others before I meet a good woman.

    Failure is part of growing. We learn from our mistakes. So just get out and start trying. Embrace failures as a good thing, you learn from them. Don’t let fear of rejection and failure stop you from trying.
     
  7. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    I understand the concept of embracing failure (though I will admit a part of me does fear it), but the thing I'm worried about is that specific failure of basically committing infidelity. I understand what it means to get into a committed relationship and I know they can fail. I will accept the relationships end if it comes to that, but what I don't want is it to end because I let my wiener do the thinking.
     
  8. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    That is something I’m concerned about to.

    One of my core values, even though I’ve left church and no longer consider myself religious, is no sex out of marriage. But I know from experience that’s easier said than done. It’s easy to say no right now when there’s zero opportunity.

    I hope I have the strength to say no when the opportunity comes and I know full well the woman might leave if I say no. I think the strength to stick with our core values comes over time as we keep making correct choices.

    We shall see. I’m so far removed from that point right now. It actually seems like an impossibility to meet someone but I’ll keep improving myself and keep meeting people.
     
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  9. ProdigalSon74

    ProdigalSon74 Fapstronaut

    Godspeed
     
  10. heidelberg

    heidelberg Fapstronaut

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    I’m 100% sure I’ll make others before I meet a good woman.

    What do you mean by this?
     
  11. browneyedguy

    browneyedguy Fapstronaut

    Long term single here but not lonely. I don't let that define who I am, and I have learned how to live a full life being unattached. There have been things and opportunities I have done that I otherwise would not have been able to do had I been attached to someone. Some days a relationship sounds great, others I don't even want to bother with the thought and am glad it has not yet happened. It just hasn't been meant to happen thus far in my life and I don't let that get me down. I hope everyone else can make peace with this part of their lives too and not feel lonely or hopeless.
     
  12. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    I meant I’ll make plenty of other social mistakes before meeting someone. I’ve scared several women off with my awkwardness. I’m learning.
     
  13. isaacgull

    isaacgull Fapstronaut

    Shoot. I thought I was the only one. Everybody hates me in real life...... I don't know why. Sometimes it makes me question whether any of this is really worth it. But I know that PMO doesn't make me happy so why stick to that? Abstaining from this just softens the blow of loneliness and depression.
     
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  14. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I have been single for my entire life (despite having had a few chances for serious relationships in the past) and honestly, it is nothing I mourn, hate, dislike or dread since I have become so grounded and confident in my own skin that a woman in my life is not going to make a huge difference since I have goals, purposes and great friends and family around me. My life rocks overall and I am glad that I have walked this way (focusing on self-improvement first and foremost) instead of seeing a woman as the savior to fill up a void or sense of loneliness in my life like I used to in the past since I was living in scarcity and had a scarcity-mindset that was crippling.
    Unfortunately, many men I know can never be single for a prolonged period of time and always need a woman to fill up a void in their lives and never take some time to self-improve and find other true sources of happiness in their lives. Thus, whenever that relationship crash, they act like emotional toddlers, just like the entire meaning of their lives and existence was based upon that special one. It is pathetic to watch and a solid proof that they haven't become men but are still boys in an adult man's body. It is a dangerous way to walk and so many men do it because it is simply the path of least resistance (in the short run) although the one that will ultimately cripple them in the long run.

    I see a serious relationship as the icing on the cake and not the cake itself. Hence, I never seek women's attention and would be just fine with an attractive woman walking away from me since she isn't the entire purpose and meaning with my life.
    Your family, friends, life goals and purposes should always be your priority over any woman in your life.
     
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  15. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    It has a lot to do with your self-image that can either cripple or rewards you depending on what it currently is. If you say to yourself that you're awkward, useless and nobody likes you, you will believe it yourself and that bad vibration is going to be felt by others which is the main reason as to why repel you. It might be harsh to hear that this is entirely self-caused but I know it for a fact since I have been there myself and know it from first-hand experience!!
    The day I started to think positively about life, others and especially myself, my life started to change for the better dramatically.
    So, if you instead start to focus on self-improvement, telling yourself that you're great, awesome and desirable as you progress (no matter how little at a time) towards becoming your best version, you will feel much better about yourself and people will be drawn to you like a magnet.
    It is only your own subconscious programming (which is affected by the thoughts you think) that creates the current situations, events and circumstances in your life.
     
  16. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    That all sounds awesome, but don't you feel like getting laid sometimes or no?
     
  17. isaacgull

    isaacgull Fapstronaut

    Maybe I just need to break this addiction before I make any friends lol
     
  18. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    I think a lot of guys conflate satisfaction and happiness with the sheer sexual excitement of being with a beautiful woman. The two things should not be conflated, but almost always are. Do I enjoy being in a sexual relationship with a beautiful woman, of course. However as I have gotten older I have come to learn to differentiate the positive aspects of such a relationship with its downsides, i.e. a beautiful woman is still a fallible person with many faults and shouldn't be the center of a guy's happiness. I think if a man can look at it with a take it or leave it mentality, he'll be better off. So if he's in this type of relationship, great. And if she ends up walking away, that's fine too when you can just move on and your whole world isn't destroyed.
     
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  19. AntaresLtd

    AntaresLtd Fapstronaut

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    Long time single guy here myself. Although I am a gay male it’s very difficult to find someone who’s interested in settling down and being with just one person in a male dominated dating pool. The old saying men think with their dicks still holds true (at least in my experiences) I can’t even have a 20min conversation with a guy on a dating app before his dick pic comes thru! Don’t get me wrong I like dick pics but I would like to get to know someone and not just see their dick and then the conversation ends.
     
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  20. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    I've been lonely for all the 25 years im on this earth! (GF wise, not family wise). i've been dating alot actually and nofap has pushed me more towards putting more time and effort in dating (i use tinder).while i was fapping and using tinder, i often lose the interest to put in the time and effort to get to know the girl and plan a date.
    but unfortunaely, because of my handicap i get rejected by the first date (the normal saying: we better just stay friends).

    So i feel ya!
     

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