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Long-Term Trust Strategies

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Ms. Dove, Aug 16, 2017.

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  1. Aug 16, 2017 #1
    Ms. Dove

    Ms. Dove New Fapstronaut

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    Here's a question I would like to pose to SOs of recovering PMO addicts or to anyone whose life has been affected by PMO addiction in some way:

    What strategies have you relied upon to rebuild trust over the long term?

    My partner is four months into his recovery from PM addiction. I feel the need to bring up the subject of PM abstinence with him on a regular basis as a means of "checking in," but I don't want to give the impression that I do not believe in his strength and his commitment to recovery. I also don't want to seem more like a manager than a supportive, loving partner. If I don't bring it up regularly, however, I feel paranoid, as it would likely be easier for him to simply not share his struggles or setbacks than to lie about being PM free when asked directly.

    Any strategies for fostering trust over the long-term recovery journey would be much appreciated!
     
    Ms. Dove, Aug 16, 2017
    Ms. Dove, Aug 16, 2017
    #1
  2. Aug 16, 2017 #2
    SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    Well he definitely needs to check in with you! Tell him so! It doesn't always have to be porn related, but you could use some assurance that he's managing his time well and the strategies he is using to recover. Talking openly aboout feelings is huge too. FANOS is great for this. Otherwise it's like being left in the dark all over again.
     
    SOSo, Aug 16, 2017
    SOSo, Aug 16, 2017
    #2
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  3. Aug 16, 2017 #3
    Ms. Dove

    Ms. Dove New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much! I will certainly check out FANOS. Building emotional intimacy is definitely an area in which my partner and I could improve. Are there any books or articles pertaining to rebuilding after porn addiction that you would recommend?
     
    Ms. Dove, Aug 16, 2017
    Ms. Dove, Aug 16, 2017
    #3
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  4. Aug 17, 2017 #4
    SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    Amazon has a fantastic selection of ebooks and paperbacks:
    Porn addiction books

    Also check out the sidebar on the left for more books related to the topic, and relationships.
    Great website:
    Your Brain on Porn

    My running master list of strategies, articles, tools/tips, and resources that I've come across so far:
     
    SOSo, Aug 17, 2017
    SOSo, Aug 17, 2017
    #4
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  5. Aug 17, 2017 #5
    Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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    Kenzi, Aug 17, 2017
    Kenzi, Aug 17, 2017
    #5
    kropo82, Queen_Of_Hearts_13, SOSo and 2 others like this.
  6. Aug 17, 2017 #6
    AllanTheCowboy

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    WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THE APOLOGY LANGUAGE TEST?!?! WHY?!?! WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT IT TWO YEARS AGO WHEN WE DID THE LOVE LANGUAGES TEST?!?!
     
    AllanTheCowboy, Aug 17, 2017
    AllanTheCowboy, Aug 17, 2017
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  7. Aug 17, 2017 #7
    Kenzi

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    It's definitely useful.
     
    Kenzi, Aug 17, 2017
    Kenzi, Aug 17, 2017
    #7
  8. Aug 17, 2017 #8
    AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    Sure would've been. I'm so angry with myself.
     
    AllanTheCowboy, Aug 17, 2017
    AllanTheCowboy, Aug 17, 2017
    #8
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  9. Aug 17, 2017 #9
    ItsNeverTooLate

    ItsNeverTooLate Fapstronaut

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    Think of all that you have done and the help you've given to others.

    Look to the future! Like you say in your signature, "Keep Hope!"
     
    ItsNeverTooLate, Aug 17, 2017
    ItsNeverTooLate, Aug 17, 2017
    #9
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  10. Aug 18, 2017 #10
    Hotpotts

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    What is the love languages test?
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2017
    Hotpotts, Aug 18, 2017
    Hotpotts, Aug 18, 2017
    #10
  11. Aug 18, 2017 #11
    AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    I know. I'm under a lot of spiritual attack this month. I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary on Tuesday, and The Other Guy(TM) HATES that. I'm okay. Thanks for the encouragement. I did need it.
     
    AllanTheCowboy, Aug 18, 2017
    AllanTheCowboy, Aug 18, 2017
    #11
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  12. Aug 18, 2017 #12
    SOSo

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    In the links I provided above, it is a test in which you can take it, send it to your partner, and your partner can then learn to effectively communicate with you in your "love language". It is quite nice.
    I was lucky to discover it the same day I took the Love Language one. Just hearing the words "Forgive me." out of my partner's mouth- gold.
     
    SOSo, Aug 18, 2017
    SOSo, Aug 18, 2017
    #12
  13. Aug 22, 2017 #13
    Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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    I need full responsibility, or else... Go away.
    When my SO said I'm a addict.
    I stayed.
    As long as he's trying, I'm staying.
    Our game changer for sure.
    Him trying is him taking responsibility.
    I wonder if he thought about the test now.... Hmmmmm..... I wonder if this helped him recover..... Hmmmmm.... The things we may never know....
     
    Kenzi, Aug 22, 2017
    Kenzi, Aug 22, 2017
    #13

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