Long time reader, first time poster

This may be an over-simplification .. but I think it's very difficult to stop PM'ing without hitting some sort of rough patch. People talk about hitting "rock bottom" -- and that often is the big trigger which forces a PA to stop and realize the demise that porn has brought him to. But I don't think I've heard of a story yet where merely intellectually, someone came to realization that porn is probably not good for them or good for their relationship .... so therefore, they just stop.

But, I bet it is possible / I bet it has happened. I think it's just extremely rare.

One thing you can consider doing is talking to your girlfriend about it .. bring it up as something you've been thinking about / a life-challenge to yourself that you want to attack and overcome. I don't know if communicating to your 7-year girlfriend will devastate her...if so, obviously that is a huge factor.

I'm glad you have been thinking about it and posted your thread. Keep reading and researching and learning/growing.

 

Bro,

I totally get where you are coming from - I have been married for nearly 10 years now; my wife and I dated for nearly 18 months prior to marriage. My story sounds very similar to yours - PMOing on nearly daily (sometimes multiples a day), mostly after she went to bed. Sometimes PMOing hours (or even minutes) after having sex. There are two things that I have found from my experiences that can help you:

1. Find yourself some help. If you are religious, turn inward to prayer, fasting and try to replace that void in your heart with your spiritual life. If that isn't for you, become more active in a place like this. Find yourself an accountability partner and work through your issues with that person. Find support and aid through the resources and people that populate this page. It will do more for you than you could possibly know. The fact that you are here (or have been stalking) indicates that you know you have an issue, that's a great first step. Now you have to use this place to move past step 1.

2. This one will be difficult - you need to form a strategy to tell her about it. I'm not saying blurt out your issue to her at the next available moment, but if you really do truly love her, you cannot continue to live in the shadows with her. The fact that you are doing the majority of this PMOing after she goes to bed indicates at the very least you wouldn't want her to find out about and that she probably does not approve of it. It will be difficult to manage, and depending upon her viewpoint (she may view P or M as cheating) it will likely hurt your relationship initially, but it will also start to build a new and better relationship for you where you are not living secret double lives with each other and may be able to achieve better levels of intimacy.

I'll add a bonus one here - strongly consider taking a PMO challenge (hard mode) of at least 30 days (they say 90 is most preferable to completely reset, but that may be difficult in your situation). If you continue to have sex and orgasm as you recover, it will be all the harder for you to quit PM because your brain has become accustomed to that additional release. This leads to greater temptation and a greater likelihood of resetting or relapsing.

 

Me and @AnonymousAnnaXOXO have resources in our tag lines... Hope that helps!
Feel free to ask any questions you may have.
Good luck