Longer term rebooters - PAWS?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by diddykong, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. Brain Fog

    Brain Fog Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I know him. DarkSektur, right? He was one of the first people I saw who reported struggling with debilitating mental symptoms, like inability to find words and inability to read a book without having to re-read the lines over and over again to get some sense of progression.

    The fact that it took him so long was very depressing to me at first, but I read other people's accounts and realized that everyone is a little bit different when it comes to recovery. For example, I suffer all of the crippling cognitive complaints, depression, numbness and social anxiety, but I don't suffer panic attacks or PIED (which feels like a curse rather than a blessing). Another user, areborn27, suffered for 14 months, and he had pressure/tingling in his head on top of that. Also, DarkSektur said that he went to bed one night feeling 100% shitty, and then woke up the next morning feeling 99% healed, which doesn't sound like areborn27's experience, in which his symptoms melted away over two months after around a year of struggling. And Big Lebowski, while reporting to have healed a lot, is still experiencing some symptoms after two years (I think?).

    So, our stories vary quite a bit. The main thing we seem to have in common is that it takes time. A lot of time.

    We don't have all the time in the world, guys. We can't keep wasting days, months, years on reboots. We have to embrace all the discomfort that comes with denying ourselves instant "pleasure" and do what we can to prevent this mind-numbing disease from spreading, because this shit right here? This is the bottom of the fucking barrel, the darkest corner of the human experiment. And it can all crumble in a matter of seconds because you decide that your hand feels better than living life to its fullest. Always be vigilant. And ALWAYS deny urges, because even if they come back, they come back weaker.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2020
  2. Freeddom_Taker

    Freeddom_Taker Fapstronaut

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    I have the tingling and head pressure over a year now as the longest symptoms of all. I got hope each time I read those rebooting reports. I hope I heal by the next month as Areborn27.
     
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  3. Brain Fog

    Brain Fog Fapstronaut

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    That's actually really good news (and it must have slipped my mind, my apologies). I'm almost envious, because the head pressure and tingling seems to be a good way to tell how much closer you are to healing. I'm looking forward to seeing your success story in one or two months (but if, God forbid, that prophecy isn't fulfilled, then it'll come not long after that anyway).
     
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  4. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    I fucked up, i relapsed a lot in the last month, i throwed away a year of work...

    I find out now i ha e ed...

    It's a mess...
     
  5. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    One month is still less than 2,4,6,8...months. Go back on track immediately. Don't repeat my mistakes of allowing relapses lasting long, long time. It only gets worse.
     
  6. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    Same here. 280 days down the drain. Had some binge relapses and have to start this shit all over again. 18 days clean now. So far I don't experience any withdrawal symptoms unlike my previous streak. I only have severe anhedonia, which I had during all those 280 days anyway. I don't experience any kindling phenomenom. During my previous streak I got SEVERE withdrawal after 8 - 18 days. Now I don't have these symptoms. Maybe the shit will hit me later, or the last relapses didnt do that much damage after all, because maybe during the 280 clean days there was some significant healing that took place that my latest relapse didnt fully undo. Don't lose hope and think that a couple of relapses after a long streak has undone all the process and you have to go through that full blown hellish withdrawal again. Unless you were binging/edging for weeks on end, you don't have to go through all of the hellish withdrawals you been through again. You made progress during that 1 year and don't be afraid it's all lost. Thats my take on it at least.
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2019
  7. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man.

    I've been with 2 girls the last week, and had ed with both of them, that never even happened to me...

    I just deleted all dating app, must keep myself away from woman for a month...
     
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  8. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, more or less damage done, i jave to get back on track...
     
  9. My recovery is similar to altruism247 over at yourbrainrebalanced in that I'm gradually getting better over time im still seeing improvements closing in at nearly 23 months now. He was noticing improvements at 27 months and 30 months respectively. I gave up caffeine recently as well and feel slightly better too as I can sleep much better now and really rest and repair.

    This recovery has been vastly different from my other attempts where I've had glimpses or even these hypomania days. It's been up and down for the most part but the symptoms have not been as aggravating as they were in the beginning.

    I'm not really plagued by many symtpoms at all and for the most part it seems I'm 70 - 80% 'cured' from them. But feeling like 'normal' I have no idea as I have had these symptoms for many years. Natural libido and stronger erections would be nice but I'm hoping that will be the last thing that comes back. I've not done newr enough as rewiring as I should have done and I think that is what is letting me down there. But I'll be focussing on that asap. I know I've signs of life kick in after having sex in recovery just need to find someone and rewire I believe its imperative in the later stage once symptoms have died down a lot.

    Still have minor tension headaches and pulsating ones the other two nights from giving up caffeine. I think I may have built up a caffeine dependance over the years too even though my consumption was not as it was so that wasnt helping also. Keep sticking with it lads and elimate any other bad habits that you feel dont help.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 26, 2019
  10. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    Hi man, really happy you're getting better.

    I have two questions if you Like to answer: have you had ed? How is it now?
    You also had screen addiction?
     
  11. I have had PIED on and off since 2011. But mostly weak erections for the most part. Having sex with semis that sort of thing. Still not as hard as I hope it to be but I believe that might be because I havent really rewired that much due to agoraphobia earlier on and me being unemployed and so on. I have nothing to worry about and still keep the faith that it will get better I have had a few occasions with rock hard boners and glimpses of natural sex drive.

    I wouldnt say I've got a problem with screen time now days mostly just listening to music on YouTube and stuff like that now nothing as it was playing MMO's and shit like back in the day.
     
  12. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    My anhedonia is so bad. I can't even enjoy music anymore. I have not really listened to music I liked for maybe 10 months. Before nofap I used to get that dopamine feeling when I listened to my favorite music. Now I feel just dead and boring listening to it. It's like I lost my soul. Same thing with nature, movies and games. I can't enjoy it anymore.
     
  13. Yea its shit as hell the anhedonia was the worst for me it has gradually gone for me I still have a tiny, tiny amount of it.
     
  14. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote Fapstronaut

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    Hey, I'm coming up on 11 months hard mode and I'm dealing with all the PAWS shit. been dealing with it since my brain collapsed roughly three years ago. Been relapsing with streaks lasting from couple months to couple weeks all throughout. Been doing PMO on and off since I was 12. Only recently have managed to get close to a year clean. Anyway, I still have memory problems, reasoning problems, brain tensions, --my entire PAWS has been cognitive solely.

    I was wondering since you're coming up on 2 years and you say you almost don't have any symptoms left, has your intellect come back? Do you still believe it will recover fully?
     
  15. Holy smokes Me too. I’m 43. My brain collapsed. This is so scary. I’m not even me anymore. I pray to god this fog and symptoms fade away someday. I feel like a special needs person with a severe flu, aches and pains. Crippling anxiety, rivers of tears from depression. I never knew all this could happen. Brain collapse is the best way to put it. All I think all day and night is yes there is a god and yes this is my hell. I can only truly repent and ask for forgiveness and only then will my soul be restored. It’s funny how much we beg god when the wages of sin are death of our soul and body. I don’t know about you but my body sure feels dead/dying too. I’m so weak if I had to defend my wife and kids at Walmart I would be so embarrassed and probably beat up by a teenager. I’m hoping two years is my sentence. It’s a deal for my eternal soul and the rest of my weasley life back. The only O I will ever have is inside my wife, and I can say I won’t ever abuse myself or contribute to the thing that’s killing our young men and women. Sons and daughters. I never knew the depth of the price I would be paying. None of us did I spose
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 26, 2019
  16. Upperoom120

    Upperoom120 New Fapstronaut

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  17. Upperoom120

    Upperoom120 New Fapstronaut

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    I'm 45, and been PMO'ing since I was 15. I have tried and tried again and again, asking God to help me be freed from this this sin, but now I am really sick and tired of it all. I now finally correlated it to destroying my marriage by affecting how I think and feel. I finally see what Jesus meant gauge our my eye. It needs a drastic mindset and action to break free from it. I am starting my fast for 5 days, and am going to do everything in my power to defeat this giant in my life.
     
  18. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    This is exactly what happened to me. My previous streaks had plenty of hypomania "superpower" days. Now it's 24/7 anhedonia and a bit of DP/DR. Also feels like my IQ has dropped 30 points.
     
  19. Don Quixote

    Don Quixote Fapstronaut

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    You're 43? When did you first start? I hear that older rebooters recover way faster than the youngsters. So there's hope in that. I'm 25 and have been PMOing off and on MO everyday multiple times often since 12. Been in recovery for 3 years technically, but now I'm on my first 10 month streak, and I feel for you man. I was so brain dead at the start of this streak that I felt like I didn't have any humanity left. It's terrifying to, but...

    In my life in the last three months has been filled with moments of laughter, genuine love, and better concentration and cognitive capacity. I'm a teacher, and I no longer have to stand infront of my class anxious that my students and boss will see that I don't have a soul. It's still fragmentary, and there is still serious cognitive impairment, but I'm improving. In fact, I'd do well to remind myself that more consistently -- I'm a classic perfectionist--
     
  20. Samwhite

    Samwhite Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys. I'm on day 154. I still have anxiety and my head is really hurting. I'm also still getting intense flashbacks to random moments in my life. My motivation is coming back slowly but it is not 100% yet. I have no morning wood or erections during the day. I also feel like my emotions and brain power is coming on and off randomly. I don't know if anyone can relate to the last symptom. I really hope I'm healed enough by next month because my exams are starting.
     

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