Looking for book recommendations

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by TiredOfHurting, Nov 16, 2021.

  1. TiredOfHurting

    TiredOfHurting Fapstronaut

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    I’m looking for book recommendations on healing the relationship. Have read Worthy of Her Trust & the Doghouse book (can’t remember the full name), but they aren’t quite what I’m looking for (although still helpful). More specifically, I’m looking for healing the relationship beyond trust… something to help with the communication, intimacy, & sexual issues that arise from being in a LTR with a PA addict that is emotionally stunted. Information & concrete steps that help going forward, beyond disclosure, recovery & trust building. Anybody read anything like that?
     
  2. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    That's probably too many topics for one book. So if you do find something, each section won't have thge detail and concrete steps you're looking for. Also, most relationship books avoid concrete steps because each person/relationship is unique, so writers stay vague enough to capture most people.

    I would instead try and find a series of 3-5 books that capture what you're looking for.

    1. PA addiction
    2. PA addiction recovery
    3. Trust building
    4. Communication (most books focus on this in some way)
    5. intimacy/sexual rebuilding
     
  3. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Once they start recovery they grow out of the emotionally stunted part. They grow fast too. Try working fanos or the feelings wheel, this will help immensely with communication
     
  4. TiredOfHurting

    TiredOfHurting Fapstronaut

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    I wasn’t expecting all of that in one book. I was hoping to hear about what others have read & found useful in their own relationships. I’ve already covered the standard books on PA, betrayal trauma, recovery, & trust building.
     
  5. TiredOfHurting

    TiredOfHurting Fapstronaut

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    Just looking for book recommendations
    I don’t think it happens so fast with all PAs. Some really have a lot of learning to do, esp if they struggle with self-awareness, & that takes time. Regardless, just looking for book recommendations, not a discussion.
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Lol, I realize when I say “ fast” we might have a different definition-around one year recovery they start changing leaps and bounds. Up until that point it seems so slow! Plus it depends on each addicts starting point, my husband was stunted at around age 15, but many are stunted far younger so have further to grow up. I don’t know of any books like what you are looking, for unfortunately. But do try fanos and/or feelings wheel. I didn’t like fanos but the feelings wheel really helps us.
     
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  7. DefendMyHeart

    DefendMyHeart Fapstronaut

    I would look into books that talk about the steps and procedures used in somatic therapy. The purpose of this therapy is to get to the base of the problem while working from both a top-down and bottom-up perspective. It is what I've started using to help my husband in his recovery and to help him learn to communicate better, not just with me, but with himself since this communication is shut down early in the addiction.

    These are some books that were recommended to me from someone who has looked into sex addiction and trauma responses. I've not read them yet, so I can't speak to the validity of the content. I will pass them along anyway. There was "Out of the shadows" and "The Betrayal bond: Breaking free of Exploitive relationships" and "The truth: An uncomfortable book about relationships".
     
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  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Out of the Shadow is a really good workbook! Or it has been for us.
     
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  9. TiredOfHurting

    TiredOfHurting Fapstronaut

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    He’s already using the feelings wheel. Started that one on his own. I just started researching fanos, but so far it doesn’t seem a good fit… not yet anyway. Any marriage or relationship book that’s been helpful for creating stronger bonds & better intimacy. Literally any book outside of the ones commonly referenced on NF. I guess I should have just asked “what relationship books are you reading & is it worth my time?” I just want to read something relational beyond addiction, since I’m pretty much up-to-date on all of those. Something that helps us, not just him or me. Apparently, I’m not being clear enough, but I don’t know how else to explain it.
     
  10. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Anything by Gottman would probably be what you are looking for?
     
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  11. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Have you read the Love languages book, that was very good and helpful with all relationships. Then there was a book on attachment styles but I forgot the name
     
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  12. TiredOfHurting

    TiredOfHurting Fapstronaut

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    I have, years ago when I was trying to l figure out what was wrong in our marriage.
     
  13. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    What I loved about that book is you can really determine peoples love language! I have a friend who’s love language is gift giving, she suffers from depression and her husband is a pa. He didn’t get her anything for valentines but because I knew her love language I sent her flowers. She literally grabbed me, hugged me , crying, and said I saved her life. She was that down because her husband hadn’t done anything. I scored 0 on gift giving so if I hadn’t read the book, I guarantee I never would’ve thought to send her flowers. Brene Brown is said to have some good books out also.
     
  14. Cupid's Poison Arrow by Marnia Robinson

    Hold Me Tight
    by Sue Johnson (or anything by her)
     
  15. TiredOfHurting

    TiredOfHurting Fapstronaut

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    Oooo, Sue Johnson! Good one! I forgot about her!
     
  16. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    TiredofHurting, PM me. I've got a list but I have questions first that would dictate what I would recommend to you off of the list because some would be relevant while others would not. Just PM me and I'll share what I have with you.
     

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