Looking for help / strategies to curb fantasizing and sexual thoughts

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Hydrodamalis, Apr 14, 2020.

  1. Hydrodamalis

    Hydrodamalis Fapstronaut

    This year has been my first real attempt at going for a 90-day hard mode challenge. I've failed and reset several times, but I'm keeping a journal and trying to learn from my failures and mistakes.

    But one hurdle I haven't been able to overcome is simply thinking about sexual things, especially in bed when I'm trying to fall asleep. My bed was the most common location for masturbation when I was growing up, so the consistent environment is leading my brain down old paths.

    More so, I have hundreds of "clips" from all the porn I've seen now floating in my memory, and those easily resurface when I'm settling down to sleep. Those remembered porn clips turn into fantasizing, and soon I am erect and any movement / body contact down there contributes to a sexually pleasant feeling. Which makes me feel like I'm masturbating even without my hands reaching down. I don't want to break an "M" streak this way, but it feels like cheating if I don't recognize that, since the situation does provide penile stimulation.

    So, I am looking for ways to avoid or cancel sexual thoughts while falling asleep. Fantasies and memories of the porn I previously watched arise without me currently wanting them to, and I don't know how to stop that.
  2. tickettowhere

    tickettowhere Fapstronaut


    Following this one. I just posted a similar thread, but I don't have the same fantasies, but I have them all the fucking time. I almost can't see a decent girl on the street or the internet before I start to fantasize. I didn't have this much problem with that before when I masturbated and watched porn, so that is really hard on the motivation...
  3. MrYang29

    MrYang29 Fapstronaut

    Try to get very tired during the day, and if that image still appear in your mind. Pray for a while, and then take a deep breath, relax your body while trying to sleep.
  4. Breach

    Breach Fapstronaut

    Changing our thought patterns is a process that takes some time. I can only give advice that worked for me, so your mileage might vary. Firstly, I followed the advice in the book of "Soaring Eagle" which a member here partially translated from Chinese to English a while back. In it he stresses that all such thoughts should be immediatly stopped. He proposes the following mantra to be said once a sexual thought arises in the mind:

    Thought arise, cut out
    Thought arise, follow not
    Thought arise, be aware
    Once aware, it is naught

    This mantra can be replaced by anything else that you feel works better for you personally but it is a very good start. Secondly, I think it is useful to have a "go-to" thought that one can think of whenever these thoughts come forth. I am currently trying to think of God and think of my Guardian Angel as a glowing light near me to keep me grounded. For you it may be anything that has significance to you personally.

    Then there is also the matter of these images being stuck in our subconcious. But as we resist the unwanted thoughts in our concious mind, like snowflakes under the sunlight, they will dissipate.

    Edit: Reading before bed (and in general) is also good. As this gives your mind something else to think about.

    Good luck and keep fighting :)
    Master Chips likes this.
  5. Lion's Roar

    Lion's Roar Fapstronaut

    You should practice watching your breath in and out, keep watching the sensations on your bell and nose.
    Read this: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/soma/wayof.html
    Foundations of Mindfulness sutta

    Then, learn about how to practice Vipassana meditation. Because it is really helpful for this kind of problem.

    It's better to take part in a Vipassana center in your local area.
  6. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Avoiding and canceling sexual thoughts is pretty much impossible. Thoughts emerge in the mind without us having any control over them.

    Of course we do have control over what we do with them. If we don't get involved in our thoughts they will disappear as quickly as they have emerged. You can check this by yourself as you watch your day to day thoughts come and go while sitting on a chair or lying down. This practice of watching your thoughts is very useful if you want to avoid relapsing by sexual thoughts and is part of meditation and mindfulness.

    The art of not getting involved in your thoughts cannot be achieved overnight. You'll need to build up a practice by meditating or doing mindfulness every day. I suggest you do this for a short time (f.e. 5 min) and twice or three times a day. You may lengthen the time as you gain experience. It will help you gain control over your thoughts, your actions and your life as it did to me.
  7. SJ88

    SJ88 Fapstronaut

    I have trouble even on my long streaks with fantasising and sexual thoughts too. And it also happens to me when im in bed, sometimes i woke up in the middle Of the night and couldnt get back to sleep because the thoughts were so strong. I was advised on here to meditate and focus on breath etc while in bed but i could never get into that, it wasnt enlugh to overpower those sexual thoughts.

    What seems to work for me is putting airpods in when going to sleep and either listening to some binaural beats, affirmations or sleep hypnosis. They all help to keep my mind off sexual thoughts and they also help me to relax and fall asleep quicker.
    LoveIsAllWeNeed likes this.

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