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Looking to quit after 12 years. (Spolier)

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Johnay123, Jan 31, 2019.

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  1. Jan 31, 2019 #1
    Johnay123

    Johnay123 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey so I created this account because I notice I have a hard time with self control. I started getting really bad when I was around 13ish when I got my first phone and started browsing on the internet. It started out with just normal porn so to speak then it progressed to anal, cream pie, to lesbians doing anal stuff, fisting, bukkake, gangbang, piss on girls, etc. I'm just wondering if this is like a drug thing where you get "numb" to the stuff you were doing and have to get into darker stuff to satisfy your cravings, or am I just really into this shit sub consciously and keep denying it?? It bothers me a lot cause I have a girlfriend who I like very much she's perfect personality and look wise, but I catch myself not being sexually attracted to her cause she isn't "kinky enough" like the porn I watch, even though when we first got together we were great now my brain isn't interested but my brain is always wanting to watch porn. Now its fighting cause she'll be mad cause we wont have sex for week or more. I really care about her and if I'm just into this stuff then I don't want to make her life miserable cause of my mistake I'd like her to find someone she is really happy with, she says she's happy with me but wishes that id just be more into sex. Another thing is that I cant stop thinking about porn is this normal?? The most I've been without is 2 weeks right now I'm on 5 days. I read that your brain gets use to it when certain emotions happen like for example: people that masturbate when the are sad, whenever they get sad their brain will pop that craving of porn and masturbating in their mind to make the sadness go away. The thing is with me I did it anytime like (5+) times a day no matter what feeling, happy, sad, bored, lonely, etc. So its always in the back of my mind I see some People magazine at the Walmart check out with some girl in a bikini or some attractive girl at the store and my mind will remind me of that craving. I'm just curious if all this is normal and if there's any help I can do to stop this or am I just into that type of kinky stuff??
     
    Johnay123, Jan 31, 2019
    Johnay123, Jan 31, 2019
    #1
  2. Jan 31, 2019 #2
    Press on

    Press on Fapstronaut

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    It is 100 percent like a drug. Trust me, I am a man involved in other programs for other addictions and porn is no different. It is exactly as you said, you just need a bigger fix each time. It is truly a progressive disease. You are not just into it. With each view you are programming your brain to like worse and worse stuff. It will only get worse if you continue and you will find yourself pushing limits you never thought you would. Well done to come and put an end to this now. I am proud of you man, cuz it takes guts to man up and say enough is enough. The good news is that there is so much hope. It can be overcome. I was at the point where I could not get an erection during regular sex anymore. I needed porn. It was a terrible feeling. But that is one of the many terrible places that porn addiction takes us. However you have the power to choose the way you think, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. In fact, God's gift to us is the power of choice, freewill. One day at time with consistent effort of doing the right things you can restore your brain to normal sexual thinking. I am living proof. I know it's true. Remeber though, isolation is the enemy, you can't do it alone. Stay connected to this site and find someone to take the journey with you. Keep yourself accountable to others and Trust in God. The twelve step program I am a part of says you need to give it away to keep it. So help others along the way. Do these things and your life will be restored! Take care my friend and thanks for sharing.
     
    Press on, Jan 31, 2019
    Press on, Jan 31, 2019
    #2
    Johnay123 and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Jan 31, 2019 #3
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Hi, just joined here myself. Just wanted to offer a thought as to whether you're 'just into kinky stuff'...it sounds like you see it as a problem bro, and the fact that you're not happy with it, and that you're able to acknowledge that it's 'dark,' speaks volumes I think?

    Anyway, healing is possible. We can do this :) keep fighting
     
    Deleted Account, Jan 31, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jan 31, 2019
    #3
    Johnay123 and Press on like this.
  4. Jan 31, 2019 #4
    Committed to One

    Committed to One Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    So true! Escalation of this addiction will happen if you don't take a hard stand to acknowledge it and then turn and get moving the other direction.
    Also VERY true. You can beat this. You can see very positive results in 30-90 days. A hard truth is that is just the beginning. The fact that you have done this as long as you have, and that I have done it way longer than you have been alive, means that it is a battle we will be in for the rest of our lives. It's called the road to recovery. You keep moving toward healthy choices or you will find yourself returning to the way you have learned to cope with life so far. It is not easy. Nothing worth having ever comes easy. You are worth the effort. Tell yourself that every day.
    I'm glad you've joined the fight. Stay in it!
     
    Committed to One, Jan 31, 2019
    Committed to One, Jan 31, 2019
    #4
    Johnay123 and Press on like this.

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