Loosing possibilities

Hei all,

Since I quit porn, I'm doing retrospective of myself. I hit some "magical leverage" where I'm completely have no urge, no wanting or need to watch porn.

But I easly catch my emotional of loosing something. I catch myself thinking about going to escort girl. It's not like I want or I'll do it, I'm in control of that. And for me it's understandable why it's harder to unplug from escort girls and from porn. Because you can get such emotional experience with escort girls what makes you harder to distinguish reality , while porn it's relatively easy to distinguish reality.
But retrospectivly on that , I see where it coming from. When for example I surf on Facebook , at some point I feel I'm loosing something, something good, like 'there are a lot of sexy girls, many of them having good time with men, I don't - I must to do something" , then though of search for escort girl coming to mind.

Now I remember that there was a very similar feeling while watching porn. You see so many men enjoying of such young georgous girls, there is soo many many, seems like all world is enjoying sex, not you, then feeling of loosing such pleasures apears, and it works like catalyst like 'you have not waist this chance of pleasure' . Of course such mind happens in background, if we think about it consciously then we are not getting aroused.

Any can relate to that feeling of loosing something?

 

@JoeinMD

I totally agree with you.
In last week I spend a lot hours to talking to myself and trying to reaching my higher self. Finding out my inner demons.
I found so many hidden emotions, past experiences and triggers related to urge to porn. This works, even better then I thought.

But even if I hit "leverage" and I don't want porn now - I feel at the edge - I need more to introspect me, because it's only me who can start watching again.

It would be stupid to think my brain and neural pathways will change in a week even if ideas about life and porn it's changed in my mind.
In beginning I thought it's enough to get and understand idea only once very clearly, for example that "I'm not loosing anything by quitting porn, there is exact opposite, porn addiction work's because we putting us to illusion that there is true emotions, while porn actors fake it" , so even if I understand that clearly and that understanding is truth which calms my inner demons and at that moment it disconnects from urge to watch porn, it seems that it's not enough. It's needs to repeat.
Looks like it's training a dog. If you give a food for dog for certain action and repeat many times, he will connect food to this action. So I need to develop higher self to spot those 'inner demons' and reverse it to truth and reality many times until my brain makes enough new neural pathways and disconnects enough wrong neural pathways.

So seems that big part of the key of getting rid of porn is raising our consciousness.

 

Thanks. I actually have ordered that book and 3 others. Planning to read all them at least 5times.

Our mind can be amazingly tricky. Interesting example from my life:
I been smoker, when I tried to quit, there was period where I didn't bought cigarettes, no one around me was smoking that period. As I remember it was not so hard. But I always from time to time - few times in week been meeting friend which is confirmed smoker, he give me cigarette and we smoked ant talk for half an hour , we smoked another one and we gone own ways. I spend my time to get there. I even was looking activities arround that area so I could be near by.
I truly believed there was genuine interest to those meetings. Like you know - old friends meets to talk about business, life and so one. I had no idea I was meeting him only because I needed to get smoke.
After I completely eliminates cigarettes, I never arranging such meetings. There was never very interesting topic, never truly on the way - actually I waisted my time to get there. The only reason I been going there was to get smoke.

I wondered how same principle could manifest on quiting porn.
I find myself spending much more time on computer without any reason. Like my mind be thinking "here is the place where it's happens, even if you ressist, soner or later it will happen, we take you to the porn when you get tired or bored by sitting on computer"