Lose Yourself

I have a very similar set of problems and have been through these cycles before successfully (although I'm sadly there again). With my ex, I had PIED and anxiety, but I could get erect after a few failed attempts after no PMO for 1-2 months (after 7 years 5+ days/week 1hr+ session use), but now after using porn again and failing with a few partners the first time or two, the anxiety spirals have started and the PIED is in full flight again. Here is my advice from my first successful recovery.

I know when this happens, stopping PMO for a bit seems to be the first step, and this helped with my ex a lot, with whom I also had problems with the first few tries. I stopped porn for a month or two and then choice 1 below worked for me. With some it might take longer abstaining from PMO however it seems. That being said, people seem to recover pretty well from it if you put in the time!

Next step after a while away from PMO is to take care of the anxiety. From MY perspective, there are 3 choices once you get here:

1. Find a patient partner, get comfortable together trying, and then let it happen naturally and unplanned. Eventually after a few tries and when unexpected, you will probably be able to perform at least a bit, and then a bit better, and better, etc. Only takes one or two good sessions to get that anxiety out sometimes (after 3 separate occasions of trying for me, it just happened unexpectedly at one point, and things got better from there). You break the spiral, you break free, but again no PMO for awhile to realign those synaptic pathways is generally the best start.

2. Carefully add small amounts of ED pills for as few times as possible just to know you can, but still hopefully with a patient partner. Like porn, you don't want to rely on ED pills if you can have organic erections without them. Ween off ASAP, but I imagine a combination of choice 1 and 2 might be my way back in next time, after enough time passes. Seems like knowing it works once after a few months no PMO might help break the cycle initially. Be careful with this suggestion however. As I stated above, last time I went through these cycles, no PMO and choice 1 worked for me. Perhaps it would with you!

3. Talk to a professional sex therapist or psychologist about it, possibly also with a patient partner.

4. Any combination of 1,2, and 3.

Hope this helps in any way!

 

Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!

 

Libido is a tricky thing man. Once I've stopped for a week or two, sometimes I don't really feel a desire at all for awhile. Conversely if I watch porn or masturbate too often, I also don't really feel it for a day or two, but then it starts to spike for a few days.

Do you mean when you're trying with a partner? If that's what you mean, I definitely feel the same thing. The moment those nerves hit, my libido drops to 0. Also, when I was masturbating a lot, I didn't really have a strong libido with my partner. Cutting porn and masturbation out of our lives for quite awhile seems to help a lot of guys recover that natural desire with a physical partner, opposed to just with porn. Where are you at with your journey?

 

You know, there are a lot of other areas in your life that you can work on if you're not sure about how to fix this nervous feeling or sex related issue. Maybe there is something in your life that you're not doing well? Are you doing what you should be doing? The importance of sex is extremely exaggerated, you can put it aside for a while, it's totally fine to ignore it while you fix other issues. Sex has its place, but it's only a small piece of the puzzle.

Also, you should give yourself more time. I can also talk to girls and maybe in some situations kiss them, but I don't push myself to have sex just to see that I can do it well or to test myself. It is quite an intense/intimate activity, you don't need to be constantly cycling through girls and being some sex master. It will naturally return to your life under the right conditions, when the time is right.

Porn will not help, it's like feeding yourself a toxin when you're trying to heal. You say you are in good shape - get in great shape, get in amazing shape. You say your libido isn't strong enough, it's a blessing in disguise. Listen to other signals, feelings, pain, annoying thoughts - focus on being a better person and growing. If you don't feel these signals, if you don't hear your own heart telling you what to do, try sitting and meditating. The advice from me is to get your priorities straight and give it a lot of time. Talk to us.

re:Libido
My libido gets excessive when I have more energy, I'm well rested, I haven't masturbated in a long time, if take stimulants, if I drink tea or coffee, or if I go into an escapist fantasy when I'm not doing what I should be doing!

 

Bro I really think it is the masturbation. Try quitting porn and masturbation completely, not just porn. You are training yourself to get turned on by your hand. Try going a full 30 days at least with absolute no orgasm, no fantasy, and I bet you will be able to get hard. It is natural - you are wired to be turned on by females. Let the reboot work for you, do full no PMO.