Losing Confidence and The One that Got Away…

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Green Monstah, Sep 30, 2019.

  1. Green Monstah

    Green Monstah Fapstronaut

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    “She might have even liked me… but I will never know now…”

    I was a guy who PMO’d 2x/day every day (early morning AND late night) from ages 18-26. I failed out of grad school a few years back, which made my PMO addiction take an even worse turn. I moved back in with my parents. I worked a minimum wage job. I gained weight. I looked like a zombie. I “slept” in until 11pm many days. My parents had no idea why I was always tired despite “sleeping” for 12+ hours every night.

    Meanwhile, many of my connections on social media were all getting married, having lots of babies, going on dream vacations…

    I lost all confidence. I lost all motivation. I PMO’d. I got drunk and made an ass of myself. I thought poorly of myself. I didn’t have a lot of people in my life. I went off the grid and did not reach out to anyone…

    There was one girl, however. She and I knew each other from the gym before I went off to grad school. After failing out, I told her what happened. She gave me a hug; the kind of hug that assured me that everything is going to be alright. She hugged me for what felt like an eternity and I never felt so safe. The next time I saw her, she gave me a gift card to an ice cream shop. “Have an ice cream on me. I know how hard it is to cry about your problems when you are having an ice cream.” She is truly an angel. She might even know it, but this gesture meant the world to me.

    As the months have passed. She and I started working out together. We hung out together. Did outdoor activities together. Went to the outdoor pool together. I would run into her and she would just light up acting happy to see me. I think she might have even liked me… but I never will know now…

    I bragged about her to my friends. I showed pics of her. I couldn’t believe that I was hanging with a beauty like her. I really considered myself lucky to just simply have her in my life, but I was also madly in love with her, and had no idea what to do with that… “Ask her out! Tell her how you feel!” they said. But I didn’t… they were all really confused why I didn’t. “She is a 10, and I am a 2… She wouldn’t want to date me.”

    I have a very bad experience with rejection half of my life (no, most of my life). Girls avoided me. I never had any dates (not middle school, high school, or college). I carried that weight around me thinking “It’s meant to always be like this.”

    Not long after that, I watched her get into a relationship with another guy… and it HURT! I hated him from the beginning… mostly for my own personal biases (LOL!) but it was actually confirmed from a mutual friend who told me that it wasn’t just I who thought he is not a likeable guy… but I digress… They have been together for the last 4 years. No sign of a breakup coming anytime soon…

    For the most, I got on with my own life during those years. I got active on NoFap, I got a real job, traveled, I worked out and got into amazing shape, and I am now pursuing an MBA! I started going on dates for the first time in my life. My love life is still not a smooth path, but I did hit a turning point while on a EuroTrip and had (by far) the most romantic experience imaginable, but that’s for another post…
    Read more about it here if you want to get inspired! >> https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...amazing-romantic-experience-in-europe.101488/

    Anyways, reality truly struck last weekend. She is truly the one who got away. The special girl and I went to a party of a mutual friend. Later the mutual friend told me that she thinks it should have been me and the her in the relationship. It was something I knew all along, but I NEVER DID A DAMN THING! ☹ All I had to do was ask her out and/or tell her how I feel. If she didn’t return my feelings, there was NOTHING that could possibly go wrong. She is super chill and there is just no way she would have freaked out if I just told her…

    I really think there was a chance she might have even liked me.

    My friends, don’t wait around for someone to come to you. You need to step out of your comfort zone and make the moves you need to make. If that special person in your life is chill and a true friend, the worst that can happen is that he/she doesn’t return your feelings and you still will be great friends. If they freak out, that’s their problem and then they weren’t that cool to begin with. That’s it… the worst that could have happened to me was that she isn’t interested in more than friends. (Forget all the friendzone discussion for a bit)… I actually had a chance with this lady, and I blew it.

    I wish you all the very best in life. I hope you all can get to where you want to be in life. Don’t live your life wondering “What if…?” later down the road.

    “Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
     
  2. Astro77

    Astro77 Fapstronaut

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    Well done on turning your life around and thanks for the advice.
    When I'm feeling down on a nofap streak I often dwell on past relationships I could have had if I had more confidence and hadn't;t been PMO'ing.
    I got friend zoned and I haven't properly talked to the person since; and we were best friends before and it makes me sad. This is the thing I dwell on the most as I liked her the most
    I think I will slide into her dm's when I am over my flatline, you have inspired me to. Or maybe I should now. I can't decide.
    Stay strong and good luck!
     
    SparkySub likes this.
  3. Green Monstah

    Green Monstah Fapstronaut

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    Hey buddy,

    You should read the link in my original post about the Eurotrip I took. I hope that can inspire you in some way. While I do still struggle with my confidence, I for the first time ave found hope and belief in myself. You can too!

    When you mentioned friendzoned, did she actually say "I only like you as a friend"? I know that feeling bro... it happened to me many times. The only difference is in my story, I never even tried. We were friends, but I sure made damn sure that nothing else came from it...

    When you talk about sliding into her DM's, do you mean you want to give it another try and date her again? If she is really your friend, this whole thing should not bother her. I would say think it through because if you already tried once. Then again, maybe you weren't ready before (and neither was she!) As I look back on my story, I clearly wasn't ready. The time wasn't right, but I do have a real regret for not actually trying .

    First and foremost, work on yourself. Get through the flatline. Work on becoming the most confident and healthy guy you can be. If it doesn't workout with her, don't give up. Stuff like these can be learning experiences (like what happened to me).

    Take care of yourself brother!
     
  4. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    That's some serious oneitis.
     
  5. Aboodhi

    Aboodhi Fapstronaut

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    This was really a heartbreak. Wish things were different between you two. I mean loosing your loved are the most saddest thing that could happen to a person. But trust me when you say about your current situation you're way better off with her. I mean what if you both were in a relationship? You might not have taken down this path. You might have not became a graduate. You might still dwell on PMO. Still that same ugly shaped zombie. So be thankful for life. Make peace with it, and move on.
     
    Green Monstah likes this.
  6. Green Monstah

    Green Monstah Fapstronaut

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    I have moved on and I have went on dates with others... Not so much oneitis (okay, I guess I came off that way in this post...), but it's more of a case of regretting not going for something that I might have actually had a chance with.

    Still, seeing her with her toolbag bf at that party still hurt... and reality struck that I should have tried...

    My point of writing this is don't live your life in a way that leaves you wondering "what if...?" later down the road... Get that confidence up! You like her, talk to her, take her out for a coffee. Don't be afraid of rejection! If she does, at least you frggin tried! I didn't try, and it hurts more.

    Good luck to you!
     
    Get_It likes this.
  7. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    I experienced this. Girl I had a huge crush on in college is with this dweeb who I feel she can do better than.
     
    Green Monstah likes this.
  8. Astro77

    Astro77 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that European trip was inspiring, and I am starting to want real romance instead of porn which I think is a good sign nofap is working.
    I also read your post about the 49 day streak you had and I found it very helpful.
    Yeah she said there was something between us but we should stay friends
    I think I might be able to give it another go romantically once I get over only being roused only by porn and get more confidence
    But this could take a while and I miss her and I kind of just want to talk to her whatever the circumstances and I can't make my mind up yet.
    Saying that, I think I would like to give it another go after the flatline but I think I will take some time to work on myself first as she didn't like how shy I was when I last talked to her (which was because of PMO for me )
    Yeah great advice though although it's difficult doing nofap, even after this short time I'm getting positives such as bursts of confidence and some non porn induced erections
    Stay strong and thanks for the advice!
     
    Green Monstah likes this.

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