Losing faith in Nofap. Help.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by pa_peace, Sep 4, 2019.

Name the Greatest benefit after your Nofap success.

  1. No more Brain Fog(more clarity)

    13.6%
  2. Confidence

    18.2%
  3. Feel better

    40.9%
  4. No more overthinking

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  5. Better working memory

    9.1%
  6. Better focus

    9.1%
  7. No more Anxiety

    9.1%
  1. pa_peace

    pa_peace Fapstronaut

    84
    95
    18
    Hi,
    After nearly a thousand attempts and failures, I have realized that I probably do not have enough willpower to quit an addiction.

    12 Days now, Goal 90 Days. If I don't see any benefits after succeeding, I'm done with Nofap.

    Starting Nofap to Pre flatline- Good and bad days( mostly bad without reason), no consistent pattern in this.

    Flatline - When the addiction is so bad that you want to get that fix, but you don't feel like watching porn. You can, but you can easily avoid it as well. So you end up trying to duplicate that fix with drinking, junk food and other negative distractions.

    Is this relatable? What other stages do I look forward to?


    Super depressed. Even a small 'don't give up' will go a long way.

    Pramod
     
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    329
    389
    63
    Don’t give up! Maybe find an ap whom you can talk to and help u be accountable.
     
    SaturnsSun and pa_peace like this.
  3. Wuzzaap

    Wuzzaap Fapstronaut

    316
    230
    43
    First thing i want u to notice . Look at how u feel now . And how u feel tomorrow . U will realize that pain is temporary . Tomorrow u feel energetic and full of life and positive . And u will thank ur self that u havent relapsed .

    Depression comes from time to time. Everytime it comes ur brain start tricking u into believing that ur doing this for no reason .

    Every time u fight an urge . Look at how u feel after it passes. U will realize that pain is temporary .
     
  4. pa_peace

    pa_peace Fapstronaut

    84
    95
    18
    Thanks man. Will keep fighting!
     
    SaturnsSun likes this.
  5. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

    1,500
    62,621
    143
    500++ days here. And I can tell you that, nofap is nothing magical. It's the overall changes you bring in your personality that really make the difference in your life. And just like everything else, change is not easy and demands hard work and investment from your side. And it's pretty simple too. Everyone knows how to turn their lives around. But knowing isn't enough, one must apply it.
     
  6. Sotovision

    Sotovision Fapstronaut

    7
    15
    3
    Have you tried meditation? I always did 10-15 minutes of meditation before going to bed, it helped me a lot since I've could always been able to suppress my urges of beating my meat thanks to meditation since I wasn't feeling that anxious. Do you have a routine? Having a daily plan helps a lot, since you're always putting effort in something you wanted to do or have to do. My routine is reading for a certain amount of time in the morning, have breakfast then trying to get more information about the forex market and practice some strategies, then gym. After that writing my dissertation (or try to) and I'm attending some webinars about forex and futures market in the night then sleep and repeat.

    I've been having some urges but I want to have sex instead of M. M while P is an effortless and highly reward action, hence you will feel like a miserable man after that. But if you put effort on building a nice, solid and trusty relationship with a human being, then chances are you're going to feel better than sitting in a computer doing some M. So basically I was able to shift my mentality of sex and relationships.

    My conclusions after doing the NoFap are :
    -It helps. I usually spent like 30 minutes looking that special P you wanted to watch because you have watched so many P and you started to feel that not everything is moving things aroung, then M then repeat the proccess again since sometimes I wasn't satisfy, hence avoiding the real work. So, that is 30 minutes or more you get back to do a more rewarding task.
    -I don't think fapping is a rellay bad things, just like drugs excesive use may lead to some serious problems. I watched a youtube video about a dude that only did Nofap for 72 days or so, his advice was to fap while thinking about your own personal relationships(gf, lover, etc), something that you already lived. My intentions is not encourage you to fap, but if you really need to, like really bad then do not watch porn and try thinking about a personal experience you had in the past, that way you are now changing your pattern of watching porn and fap (At least that was my pattern).
    -You will experience mood swings, like a lot. Not everyday is a good day, that's basically how life is, ups and downs, so don't be to harsh on yourself if you fail again, you haven't die yet, you may keep trying.
    -Addiction can be tought to battle with, but not impossible. Try writing your pattern before doing Fap, identify what you do before feeling the needs. It worked for me, because when I finish to wrote everything down and read the whole thing I was like "Dude, I'm gross" so I decided that it has to stop.

    Don't give up, but if you do it's ok.
     
    pa_peace and Car Rider 92 like this.
  7. Avenging Marmoset

    Avenging Marmoset Fapstronaut

    56
    52
    18
    Keep up the fight, you can do this, and we who have done it are proof that it CAN be done! 12 days in is hardly enough to really show you how much better you are going to feel, but trust me, you WILL feel way better in your daily walking-around life than you used to when you were in the throes of PMO, and probably just after the 14 day mark. The early days are rough though...the mood swings, that brain fog, the depression...we've all been there buddy. Just hang in there and do not trust your brain when it tells you that you can't do it, that the withdarawls will go on forever, or that you'll feel better if you just jerk it once. There is no such thing as clawing your way out of a deep hole without getting some unpleasant dirt under your nails. You got this, just make the commitment and stick with it. PMO is a choice, not a mandate. There is always a light on here so come back as needed.
     
    pa_peace likes this.
  8. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

    645
    566
    93
    Its not a question of willpower. If you have to use willpower to not watch porn, something is seriously lacking in your life (trust me, i know).

    If you change your lifestyle to include more fulfilling things, the need in your mind to PMO will lessen.

    For the past year I was putting blockers on my pc and phone, putting them somewhere out of site, reading addiction literature, everything.
    But i always relapsed. I was always thinking about porn. I was always fighting the urge.

    But i realised it wasnt about taking things away that helps, but adding things to life. Work, exercise and most importantly for me socialising.
    I met a girl recently and its the first time in over a year where i can actually say i dont want to pmo. It felt pointless doing nofap before because there was no goal, no end game. Just an endless fight. But now it just seems so pointless and unnecessary. That drive to to pmo has been redirected to the girl i met. It feels a lot healthier.

    Ive also said to myself that porn is done now anyway. If i masturbate then whatever but no porn. I dont even feel the need to do either at all. I can go on my phone or a pc whenever and its not even hard to say no.

    You need to find something that captures you more than pmo and put your time into that.
     
    need4realchg, SaturnsSun and pa_peace like this.
  9. pa_peace

    pa_peace Fapstronaut

    84
    95
    18
    I completely agree man. I re-read you reply multiple times to make myself understand the depth of that last line. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
     
  10. pa_peace

    pa_peace Fapstronaut

    84
    95
    18
    Your reply is exactly what I was looking for. Motivating but still keeping reality in check. Thank you. I want to someday overcome this and help others.
     
  11. pa_peace

    pa_peace Fapstronaut

    84
    95
    18
    Meditation is one of the main things I make myself do everyday. It is helping me a lot with anxiety and awareness as expected.
    I usually focus on a "touch feeling" rather than breath as its easier to come back to that, while since breath is so common, its tougher to notice when your attention wanders.

    My routine, is work, Gym, Soccer, [gap], eat,sleep. It is the [gap] that is the main problem. Usually from 8-12 pm. Since I have been relapsing a very long time during the time-range, the urges are very strong here. I have recently have started going to the library at night but haven't been that consistent with it. I will keep myself out of the house more, as I have only always fapped in my room.

    What you say makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I will keep fighting.
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  12. pa_peace

    pa_peace Fapstronaut

    84
    95
    18
    I couldn't agree more with this. I used to make the mistake of depending on willpower as well, but now I use a different stategy mainly, what I meant to say in the main post was it takes so much power to keep faith in Nofap and keep going. To combat urges, willpower is the worst thing you can do as it depletes the resource and starts affecting your daily life. By willpower, I mean the ability to keep getting back up, even after many,many,many failures, to keep the bigger picture in mind and make sense of it. Does that make sense?.

    Without realizing it, I was using willpower to fight this for around 5 years.
    I am currently using the book "Atomic Habits" to change my approach of fighting Nofap. Specifically "Make the cue invisible". I have really applied it and I can feel the extra willpower I have now. This doesn't seem that uphill a task anymore. But I do not want to be complacent and let my guard down. I will keep fighting. Thank you for your reply man. I hope you have a good day.

    Changes from now after reading all replies :
    ->Avoiding the [gap] problem by spending nights in the library, so I don't have the option of turning to P, which has been my main trigger.
    -> Considering the brain, with its addiction trained signals, as someone who doesn't know what is right and is trying to trick me. Sort of like the guy tied to a tree scene in " Tropic Thunder".

    Thanks a lot!

    Pramod
     
    Griffin2018 likes this.
  13. Mr. R

    Mr. R Fapstronaut

    6
    4
    3
    Every kind of relapse you have, you should learn from it. Do or change something right after it, so you dont relapse again for same reason. Eventually you have no reasons to jerk off or watch porn.

    For me after being heavy porn user, with disgusting fetishes to get exited and hard. Today i flirted with a cute girl from work and mentioned touching her ass in a playful way and ofcourse she flirted back <-- That simple thing got me exited and blood flowing where it should go, how cool is that?? I feel like young happy man who is attracted to women and not be ashamed of it. Instead of eventually getting hard and jerking off for gayporn only.
     
    pa_peace and Griffin2018 like this.
  14. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

    183
    1,724
    123
    You're mistaking your beliefs in yourself for the entirety for NoFap. Were we supposed to hold you at gunpoint?

    How about a big DON'T GIVE UP? Change your beliefs. At the very least, reaffirm that everyday without PMO is a decent day? Yeah, no one's happy 100% of the time, so don't try to attain happiness every day. Shitty days are unavoidable, but you can choose to realize that in the end, that's just life. Attempting to attain perfection is fool's gold, and a massive landmine to true growth. Realize more that fuck-ups will happen, but you can choose how to react to them, in the end.

    No one said it will it would be easy. Don't just be motivated, become driven.
     
    pa_peace and Griffin2018 like this.
  15. Griffin2018

    Griffin2018 Fapstronaut

    41
    115
    33
    This sounds pretty unfair to yourself. If you were a schoolteacher, and you had a student that wasn't understanding his math, you wouldn't give him an ultimatum of "get an A in 90 days or I quit!" because it is your job. As a human being, it is your job to take care of yourself, and the benefits may not come right away even after 90 days. Thus, if your only motivation for doing nofap is to get the benefits, you will need to learn a lot more patience, because they can be a LONG time in coming. I am only now just starting to see them, and many addiction experts say it takes about 18 months to 2 years for an addiction to really unravel (i.e. at least 500 days). However, a higher motivation for doing nofap is to learn to love yourself unconditionally, and if you have this mindset, you will not be as concerned about not seeing the benefits right away, because you know you are practicing outcome independent self care.

    Expect weeks 1-6 to be pretty shitty. Some people report things like PIED and anxiety going away in this time. I didn't have those issues, so I can't attest to it. After that, expect a few shitty days scattered throughout the remaining time until the 90 day milestone. Those days are going to seriously blow, but they will be the watershed moments that either make or break you. The benefits I wanted from nofap were to feel better to clear out brain fog, and I am only now just starting to see an improvement 3 weeks after the 90 day mark. Don't focus on trying to fight urges, just focus on your values and the fact that you want to stop PMO. That gives you an anchor to hold on to when the waves of urges come, rather than trying to swim against the waves. Remember that we will all know both joy and sorry again, and don't expect yourself to be on your top performance during reboot...your brain is going through lots of changes right now.
     
  16. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

    645
    566
    93
    This was the same for me, been talking to this girl for a week now and its clear she is interested, makes me feel so happy man i cant describe it. Its funny that the reason i needed porn was because i didnt socialise enough and hadnt a romantic reciprocal interest in a girl
     
    pa_peace likes this.
  17. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

    183
    1,724
    123
    You have the willpower to get through this. You're probably just taking this too hard on yourself.
     
    pa_peace likes this.
  18. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    Some people don't win on willpower. Some win on faith. Some win with energy from the community in the form of recognition. Some power through on pain instead. I think you absolutely have what it takes.

    You are not different. We've all been there. That's how it feels, but it's not a real thing. Hang in there and just try to put one foot in front of the other for a while. Walking will come in due time.
     
    pa_peace likes this.
  19. Informius

    Informius Fapstronaut

    Hey, maybe the streak system is not working for you so well. Maybe you could try to not focus on a streak, but on average reducement. For example you could count how many times you didn't fap/used porn and the total days. So what I do is, I have 40/46. Meaning I don't have a huge streak done, (my longest is 20 days, lots of 4 or 5 days). But I am positive, I mean look at that number! Not so bad is it? And yet if I would have followed the streak system, I would have failed 6 times over one month! There are a lot of people who push themselves down after every relapse, and I think this different method of counting helps a lot!
     
    pa_peace likes this.
  20. SaturnsSun

    SaturnsSun Fapstronaut

    This is a great idea. I think you can have more than on AP. Is that right?
     

Share This Page