Losing my family

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by cmlhockey6, Mar 28, 2017.

  1. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    My name is Chris and I am a 28 year old male. I joined this site probably for the same reasons that most of you joined. I've realized how destructive pornography is and it is in the process of taking everything away from me. I started watching porn consistently around the age of 15. I used it as a coping method while I was having social difficulties at school and with athletics. I guess it became a security blanket for me at the time and developed into an addiction. Over the last 12 to 13 years I've continued using porn on and off from a day to day to a week to week basis. I watch it when I get stressed or when I'm bored and all alone. My wife has discovered my addiction and she has known about it for as long as we've been together. She has threatened to take the kids and leave me for good multiple times. You would think that nearly losing your family like that would compel you to stop however, I have not been able to pull myself away from it. I've been to therapy and joined a 12 step support group for this once already which just pissed me off and did not help much. I feel like I'm down to my last straw here and I felt maybe this site could help me.
     
  2. Niveluno

    Niveluno Fapstronaut

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    You got it this time. Congrats on joining up. I'm new to this as of last night and have learned so much about addiction. Keep it up @cmlhockey6 you got this.
     
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  3. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the support, I joined late last night. I watched a few TED talk videos about porn on youtube that ultimately led me to this site.
     
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  4. Niveluno

    Niveluno Fapstronaut

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    Yup, that's what led me here. What led me to the video is a book I'm reading called "Surfing for God" (as in you're not surfing the internet for porn, but for God). Good book for me as I'm a Christian, and might be good for non christians as well, but definitely a strong faith bend in it. I got to the chapter on the science of it all and was blown away.
     
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  5. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    For sure, I am a Christian as well although my relationship with God has weakened over the years. I am reading a daily devotional and came across a story about a scientist who turned away from the big bang theory. Later on that day I came across a Christian based article online about dealing with hopelessness and led me find research the TED talks about pornography.
     
  6. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the forum. I had as similar rock-bottom moment over a year ago. My wife knew about my problem for years but I made sure it wasn't a topic I wanted to talk about. She finally had enough and threatened to move out, take our children with her, and tell everyone the real reason why if they asked. I had to quit or I was going to lose everything. After 25 years of half-assed efforts to stop I started researching and finally got the answers I needed. I never viewed it as an addiction but once I applied addiction techniques then I finally had success.

    One piece of information that opened my eyes was when I learned about 'the trance' or 'autopilot mode'. Addicts go into a trance when they engage in their addiction. It is a pain-free, judgment-free, stress-free state of mind. Parts of your brain literally shut down (hypofrontality) which controls higher thinking. It affects decision making, time management, risk management, morality, and your sense of right and wrong. It's the reason why we can do something so horribly wrong, not feel bad about it while we are doing it, and then feel twice as bad after we are done. It is also there reason why willpower alone cannot overcome an addiction.

    I hope you find the information, advice, and support you need to finally conquer this addiction and restore peace and love to your family.
     
    cmlhockey6 likes this.
  7. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    You gotta start getting tougher on yourself.
     
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  8. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice and book info I ordered The Addictive Personality.
     
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  9. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  10. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    To be honest I do not have great strategies. Whenever I find myself in tempted from a porn image or video replaying in my brain I try to concentrate on something else or get up and do something productive. If you have any suggestions please feel fee to provide your advice as my ears are open. I am currently reading a daily devotional which helps keep my mind on track and also I've noticed when I am consistently attending church and exercising it helps as well.
     
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  11. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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  12. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    Took a look at it thanks again
     
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  13. jimmyanderson

    jimmyanderson Fapstronaut

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    I can so relate to you. Even though you love her with all you've got, you don't think about them while tapping. We need to stay strong. They r all we live for, all we've got
     
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  14. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply brother. It's the transe of our addiction that we fall into during our addiction that causes us to not think about anything but tapping. Stay strong my friend nothing better than staying positive everyday to fight this battle.
     
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  15. esforzado

    esforzado Fapstronaut

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    OK, man, it is important to have a reason when quitting, a good reason, a reason that is important to you. This habit is a habit we probably would not quit unless it had some bad repercussions in our lives. Cigarette smokers would not quit if it did not affect them adversely. They lose lung capacity and eventually get cancer. There are all kinds of bad results from using porn all the time. From PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) to social interaction problems.
    "When I quit, I quit. I did not count the days, I woke up every morning and said to myself I am never going back". I think that is the mindset you must have.
     
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  16. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    Could not agree more
     
  17. esforzado

    esforzado Fapstronaut

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    Chris, we men feel weak at the "very moment" of temptation, especially if we have been watching porn for a long time. So, we feel horny, it is the time of the "urges"? Sometimes it is too late to try to do something at the "very moment". Maybe I can clarify my thoughts on this sharing with you what happened to me when I was a teen ager. OK, I discovered my sexuality at 10 and, of course, as every boy does, I began masturbating every time I went to the toilet. At 12 I started highschool and my parents sent me to a school run by the Marist Brothers. Catholicism is strict about all things of sexual impurity, so these Bros. preached a lot against masturbation to us. But, nevertheless, I went on masturbating every night before going to sleep.

    At 16 years of age, a good and nice young priest had a group of young men from the first years of College. I begun to attend their meetings and got to know them, I liked the environment. One of them invited me to attend the Mass that was celebrated daily by this priest. I gave a thought to it, decided not to fap any more and that was the end of it. There were little chances for young boys to watch porn. In those times, porn meant magazines like Playboy or Hustler, hard to get and very "expensive" for a teen ager.

    I confess you that, when temptations came, I always remembered that I has been in a church that same morning, attending Mass and receiving Communion, so it was easy to resist and not to fall to temptation.

    If you don´t have faith or religion, let me know. Please stay awy from porn, it is a devilish device, it comes directly from Satan. It is life destroying, not only harmful. Tell me more about that "very moment" when falls occur. I will have you in my prayers, dear boy, I would love to make a difference in your life with advice, encouragement and prayers.
     
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  18. cmlhockey6

    cmlhockey6 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for that post! It is very motivating for me as I continue on this journey. I am blessed to have people like yourself supporting me as well as all the others on this site. I am a Christian although my faith has weakened over time along with my relationship with the lord. I am currently reading a daily devotional and an addictive personality book that someone suggested. This two resources are helping thorough this process along with strengthening my relationship with Christ. I truly believe all porn of any sorts along with masturbation is evil and has nearly ruined my life in many ways and destroyed personal relationships. Once again I thank you and I would love to share more with you on this journey.
     
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  19. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Don't forget your best recourse to understanding God's will is His Word, the Bible. God is waiting on you to come back to Him as the prodigal son came back to his father.
     
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  20. Spartacus3rd

    Spartacus3rd New Fapstronaut

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    I stumbled upon your post and as a women with this addiction I'm kinda in the same boat it is so tough. My boyfriend and I have been dealing with my issues for years and it got really bad a few weeks ago and threatened to leave me and that was a wake up call for me, I have been going to the gym a lot more than I was before, like 2 times a day or whenever I get that urge and that's been helping and also church has helped me reconnect and show me there are better things in life than porn and all that but I'm still new to this site so I just started up and it's been a rough few years but more so few months. Good luck. If you need to talk I'm here.
     

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