_________________________ P (-), M (-), E (-), T (1), C (3) I've been less busy the past couple of days, which is great for me - time to breathe and focus! I started a new routine of going to the gym early in the morning before work, and that really helped me stay on track all day. I spent 30 minutes power-walking the track and listening to my latest motivational tome (Unf**k Yourself). On Monday, it really helped set the tone of the day. Today, I carried on with that feeling, and I hope that tomorrow I can refresh it again with another morning routine. In general, I've felt pretty happy in the past couple of days. My wife is in that part of the month where sex is really not on her mind. I've actually been the same for the past couple of days so it hasn't been a problem. I moved the "C for Connectedness" down to a 3/5, though. Even though that is probably no fault of hers at all, and she just has her mind on other things, I naturally go into the "self-preservation" mode, worrying that something is wrong. Then I have to correct myself and realize that she's just doing her thing and she's focused on other stuff, and I'm not always the center of attention, and that's okay (!!). So just going through the normal ebbs and flows of connection and getting used to those feelings is getting easier. I was disappointed yesterday after talking to my mother on the phone (she lives 1100 miles away from us in Florida). I told her about my idea to start a business. In her several counterpoints, she used the word "fail" about eight times. The old Human Fail Robot would've eaten that right up and been convinced of its truth. But the New Drew doesn't play that! I am well aware of how my unmet need that porn was numbing is my desire for acceptance and being good enough. I have never gotten that from my parents, and I continue to not get it from them. So I have learned to accept that and move on, and I am learning to deal with those feelings like an adult, and not an adolescent child. At the end of the call, though, I was able to hear her force out an "I'm happy for you", with the qualifier: "if that's what you want and you've thought it through", and she finished off with "what's the worst that can happen - you and your whole family will be homeless". Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom! I have done very well for about 7 months now, focusing on positive aspects of my life, my recovery, etc. That has allowed me to take active steps in continuing to improve, and pour more good into my wife and kids. I think what I need to get better at is accepting negative thoughts, comments, etc. and using them. I can't just wall them all off, but I can work on processing them in a more healthy way. Walking at the gym, using the rowing machine, etc. has been one of those outlets. Drew ________________ Feed the Right Wolf! Forge Further Forward!