Losing progress?... What do you think?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Peter.Parker10, Dec 29, 2020.

  1. Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    Tough moment.

    I had an argument with my wife on Sunday night, I feel like that's the cause for my PMO craving right now.

    Perhaps the problem is that I don't know how to handle myself during problem times.

    The thing is that yesterday, after work, I began to look for opportunities to see sensual images online.

    I typed on purpose a couple of words that I knew would bring me some erotic images in the search results.

    I saw three images, not nudes, or sex pictures, just hot stuff. I was honest with myself, I said: "I want to watch porn", but then I closed up that window and stopped the behavior.

    Also, I've felt like I've been going back to this "escapist behavior". During this last week, I've been spending my nights watching youtube videos endlessly, something that in the past has taken me to PMO.

    To be honest, I haven't been able to recover myself from this argument with my wife, and I've felt down to the point of wanting to escape.

    I'm on day 57 of recovery, and I don't want to lose all the progress I've done so far. Any thoughts on what I can do to get my motivation back?

    It's hard when there's no peace in the house. When you feel rejected or like you can't stop thinking negative stuff about her.
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  2. Well, first of all.. You don't go to day 0 even if you relapse. Don't let this be motivator for a relapse tho, just sayin'.
    We all go through tough shit once in a while and those ugly moments might as well make your streak ugly, not smooth. But you know what, Peter Parker? Streaks are not meant to be beautiful. The experience you get once in a while after dodging shitload ton of urges, possibilities to relapse but instead getting up on your feet - that's what really matters.
    Nobody is going to have a streak where he didn't have any urge to watch porn, jerk off or just fuck everything that moves (sounds gross, I know).
    On my previous streak which was 169 days (previous big streak I mean) I straight up wanted to just fuck some girl. Just some of my peers. Fuck it. Classmate, teacher, older lady, bit younger one (not underage tho) or just a random prostitute. I was just so full of that anger, energy - it was just wrong, but I got over it. I didn't let it become an everyday mentality. I realized "it's part of the journey; it's ugly, it's tough, but it has to be this way, lets just experience"
    So don't beat yourself up, chill.
    By the way, this might help you as well:
    https://arfamiliesfirst.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Cognitive-Distortions.pdf
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  3. onwards_upwards_1

    onwards_upwards_1 Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly how you feel mate. Whenever my girlfriend and I argue the porn cravings get pretty strong. My brain starts telling me 'fuck it, lets just go and online and look at 50 other naked women'.

    For me Porn has always been like self-medication for anger, depression, anxiety, stress etc. I'm on my longest ever streak right now and I'm having to learn not to go running back to porn everytime I have a tough day.

    It might help you to know that 2 weeks ago I was very close to relapsing. I'd actually gotten to a point where I'd made some kind of mental agreement with myself to relapse. I didn't do it though, and a few days later those intense cravings that were making me try to justify relapsing passed. I'm really glad I stayed strong.

    Keep going, find another way to relieve the anger and stress. Work out, go on a run, do some journaling.

    Good luck
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  4. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    Well id start with happy wife happy life, if the energy im your own home isn't clear how do you expect to operate correctly?
    Im just gonna assume you and your wife are compatible and have chemistry. Id say just get out the house for a few days bro ( im aware covid is happening) stay with a bro if hes willing to host, get a nice hotel room, etc. Just give you and your wife some space and time apart, time heals wounds. Sometimes we need too separate a bit to get the bigger picture. Make it clear to her were your going though. Give her the 411 and tell her ull check in with her regularly. Hope this helped a bit. Good luck buddy!
     

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