Losing virginity in my early 30s, how to do it?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by LilD, Jun 15, 2018.

  1. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    So, I have a GF for the first time in my life, and I'm in my early 30s. We're dating for 2 weeks now, and everything is going great, so I feel like I may lose my virginity soon. I don't expect too much, I am prepared for failure.

    I have a general idea of what to do. I am going to talk to her about it before we start to set our expectations on what should happen, which includes questions like where, when, what kind of protection to use, what kind of act (intercourse, oral, touching, etc.), what to expect, etc.

    She knows I'm a virgin, and she knows about my addiction, so she will understand if I will have to wait a while to reboot properly, but I am the one who's impatient. I feel like I wasted too much time in my life already, and also I was struggling so much when she rejected me, and I've been depressed because of that for a few months. I want her really bad, I feel horny all the time now, and 95% of my erotic fantasies are about her.

    There are few things I'm not sure about:
    1. How long do I need to reboot before that? I'm on day 18 now, and I think it may not be enough. My longest streak was 33 days, and it seemed to be enough to at least fix my PIED. I'm planning to wait at least 1 more week.
    2. How bad can it be for my reboot? I'm talking about chaser effect and such.
    3. Is there something else I need to consider in regards to my porn addiction?
    If someone has any experience, please share.
    Miguel Rocha likes this.
  2. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

    1 - You'll know the best. Wait as much as you want/need to. But even with PIED, there are ways to get satisfaction for both of you as you already know.

    2 - You already say that your fantasies are about her. That's very good. We porn addicts crave novelty, and that needs to change. During sex, keep your focus on her and stay in the moment, that's very important. Aside from the physical side, if you develop an emotional and mental connection, it can be healing. Chaser effect does exist, but I don't think that it creates a strong urge. What I experienced is, after having sex and feeling good, I feel like all my problems have disappeared so I forget that I'm an addict and I let my guard down, that's when I relapse. Keep reminding yourself that NoFap is your primary goal.

    3 - Porn and sex are very different. Men (especially porn addicts) are mostly focused on the visual stimulus but there are other sensations such as touching, sounds and smell. Also, obviously, there is another person that you are sharing the experience with. Try to get rid of the knowledge that you obtained from porn and go at it with an open mind. Keep the foreplay long, take things slow and stay in communication with her.
  3. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    I think I'll ask her to do it in a dark room or under the blanket because I'm too shy anyway. :D

    Good point.

    Thanks a lot!
  4. Miguel Rocha

    Miguel Rocha Fapstronaut

    Great LilD. I'm happy for you. :)

    But you said the girl who is your girlfriend right now rejected you before? Have I got that straight?

    P.S.: I'm being rejected "right and left" lately...
  5. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Correct. She rejected me because she had a BF, but a few months later she asked for a date. Here's the story: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...hen-suddenly-unexpected-success-story.175486/

    I chose it because I like the skeptical face. :D
    Deadlihood likes this.
  6. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    I failed already. We've spent a night together at her apartment without having sex. I was laying next to her, not being able to fall asleep. Haven't even touched her. I'm such a failure. I am angry and depressed, I hate myself. I should have just gone home, or at least tried seducing her.
  7. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

    Instead of being angry with yourself, try to see this as an opportunity to improve yourself. Take some lessons out of it and make some decisions. Promise yourself that next time, you'll at least put your arm around her. Something small.
    TheManDude, Hitto and LilD like this.
  8. SanityOverVanity

    SanityOverVanity Fapstronaut

    Dude you need to relax. There’s always a lesson to be learned in a loss. Plus how many lonely guys out there would happily trade places with you considering you’re spending time with a girl. Relax.

    Let it happen naturally and don’t force the issue. Or, ask her if she wants to. From what I’ve read of the thread this girl seems fairly open minded. Tell her your intentions if you believe she can handle hearing it. Just remember, there’s no pressure on you.
    LilD likes this.
  9. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Thanks, guys, I really appreciate your support.

    I analyzed it a bit with the help of my friend and realized that I'm a typical "nice guy". Just expecting to have sex w/o considering her feelings was a mistake on my part. I feel ashamed and guilty.
  10. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

    Take ur time. I was a late bloomer as well so I can tell u. Sex is kind of like alcohol. When u arent old enough to have it and it seems like everyone is having so much fun with it and it must be so great. And u would do it every night if u were old enough. And once u start drinking its like oh this is what the big deal is about and then u dont even really think about it much well unless u become an alcoholic lol .... point is do not put a lot of pressure on urself and ur expectations of sex. Ur penis will not react well to sex and if u objectify a good woman in bed she wont fulfill ur fantasy. So take a chill pill.

    Its good u want her but u need to get a grip. Establish a timeline. Say okay maybe two more weeks of nofap and then I will take her to dinner at a nice hotel or I will make my place fancy and bring back nice food. U can tell her before hand u want to do it a night in the future so to leave that night clear. Get some condoms, maybe a little lube as well. Trust me on this always keep lube nearby u assume its not necessary but it will be when u most need it. Don't stress urself or put too much pressure on urself because it will kill ur erection. Relax and since its ur first time, let her guide u. Accept as well that nofap or not, its very possible u find it difficult to orgasm. Sometimes lasting long numbs the pleasure later and ur sorta too tired to maintain rhythm. Also ive been in situations where i was actually way too excited to finish like over sensitized. thats why u gotta relax and be natural. Communicate with her.

    In regards to chaser effect. If u need to do it multiple times with her then best to get it out than hold it. And also take cold showers and avoid being alone for the next day or two.
    LilD likes this.
  11. PornFreeMe

    PornFreeMe Fapstronaut

    Sex is impossible under pressure. It must be natural, fluid, relaxed, at ease. You can't force yourself to have sex, it just has to happen. Foreplay is essential and often the most exciting part. You're too hard on yourself and that'll make sex seem like some massive test or rite of passage. It's just sex, man. Every creature on earth does it. The dumbest dregs of humanity excel at it. You can do it, too.

    Let it happen, don't force it.
    EireTunlad and LilD like this.
  12. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Well, I pushed too hard, I fucked up again. Not sure if I can recover this time, but I'll do my best.

    I am devastated, my head hurts, I cried a lot.
  13. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    I think too much about myself. It's not just about sex, I am just an egoistic fuck in general.
  14. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    At this point, I think that continuing my virginity is not that bad of an option. This relationship is just too painful, I can't stand it.
  15. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

  16. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Nothing happened. She hasn't called or messaged me yet.
  17. Julius93

    Julius93 Fapstronaut

    You have to get your priorities straight. no wonder you are not getting anywhere.
    SanityOverVanity likes this.
  18. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    I'm placing 2-1 odds you did NOT push at all. Did ya? The truth is you are scared. She's like your perfect little ray of sunshine and pushing the envelope scares you? She will KNOW this intuitively and sigh hard because she thought maybe you were capable. Hell girls don't invite guys around their apartment to stay the night so they can play scrabble.

    Tips, keep her on the back burner but go out and approach lesser girls who don't scare the bejesus out of you so much. Go out, fool around, make mistakes. . . It won't matter to you. Then when a princess / little ray of sunshine comes along you will KNOW just what to do.

    Good luck buddy!
    Zacswallet likes this.
  19. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    This is so rude. Lesser girls, really? Listen, buddy, I hate all that pickup shit and I'm not interested in other girls.
    Zacswallet likes this.
  20. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Check your inbox.

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