Loss of gender identity and sexual attraction.

What happened with this "psychopath"?

 

I really think a therapist could help in your case...

 

It seems some bad shit happened with the psychopath, the chavs and the redpillers. Your perception of masculinity is negative to the point you're rejecting it. It sounds like you haven't had a lot of positive experiences.

I think therapy would help. A positive male in your life (friend, mentor, etc) would also be good.

I think a lot of men today are lacking good male role models and guidance so they don't learn how to be men in the right way. Real men are providers, orotectors, love deeply and are kind to their fellow humans.

 

Hi Blazkovitz,
try reading this book by Paul Coughlin. The title is "No More christian Nice Guy." It may not seem relevant at first to your situation. But I believe you would get great benefit from reading it.

Good luck comrade!

 

It seems like you have an aversion to both genders causing you to feel isolated from either. I think your best bet would be to visit a therapist.

If you can't go to one or cant afford one, then I would start by exposing yourself to more people. Spend more time in public, hang out with some friends of both genders, just do anything to start to socialize with people.

Also do you regularly spend time in public and socializing? Do you have problems socializing with people?

 

I understand what you're saying. I've dealt with gender issues myself in my past, but right from my very childhood, not just a few years back, before which I might have had a kosher gender identity already formed like you had. I was lucky to untwist and get free from the worst of my self-perceived gender distortion, which only served to wound my own masculinity over my perceived hyper-identification with my inner "virtuous" femininity. It made me enslaved to PMO addiction very severely, since it was the only self-medication and sick/unproductive nurturance I could prescribe in trying to sooth my gender wounds. What you are proposing is rejecting/wounding both your inner masculinity and inner femininity together, which doesn't have to happen as yet and would only be a downfall for two great inner parts of yourself - the energies from which you engage the world and other people and "relate" to them. That's what sexual and gender identity does for us - allow us humans to "relate." Yet, you are considering locking both down, but where will you be then? It won't feel human, for sure.

I don't think you really have lost your birth gender or opposite-sex attraction as you once had, but all the recent sick and degraded examples of both female and male maladapted types have developed a certain revulsion in you toward both. Plus, the humiliation and abuse from bullies is more an indictment against the bullies and their sick interpretation of what was anything but real masculinity, but I'm sure their understanding of masculinity was sick and broken, too. You're actually in a position to sympathize and forgive them, who were just as injured somewhere along the way as you have been recently. As for you, though, I might have been more worried about you if you masochistically just accepted all these sickly expressed versions of male and female. I think you need to separate yourself from their baggage, which is not your own baggage. I also think that you'd be continuing down a fruitless and more wounded path if you continue to consciously pursue "agenderism," further school yourself into it, and enter into an ongoing self-formation and indoctrination in such identity. That would be contrary to your original truth, and I think you just set yourself up for further levels of confusion and thereby even deeper addictions and fetishes to compensate for such self-embraced contradiction and wounding. Just don't go there. It would only be harder to untwist after the fact, if you'd even be able to do so at all. Best wishes!

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