Lost a good night of sleep

I woke up at 2 AM with some crazy urges. I kept trying to write them off, and simply closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

Didn't help

I eventually thought about awesome it would be if I were married and had a wife to be with instead of going to this porn. Big mistake. Honestly it would have been better if I simply have up on sleeping and began reading. Then my mind would be off of porn, off of urges, and off of my future spouse.

But I didn't. I fantasized about snuggle wuggles. Well, guess where that got me?

Porn. It for me to porn.

After fapping my face off for a half hour I them decided to try to get back to sleep and could not. Then I decided it would be a good chance to read. I am a Christian, and I take hope in God, so I was reading about the redemption that Jesus offers us.

For the Christians, something I've been learning from studying the Bible and experience is that the Lord does not simply take urges away. He strengthens and blesses those who work. He will not do for you what you can do for yourself. He will see the efforts you are putting in, and will bless your efforts and give you the strength that heaven can offer to overcome. To us (like I did) who give up and cave in, how can He bless them if they will not take hold of His strength, and go forth and conquer? What would have happened if Paul sat on his hands and waited for the gentiles to come to Him? Nothing would have happened.

We need to do what we can to fix our lives. We leave to God that which we cannot do, such as refining the character so it will reflect Jesus, and the forgiveness of sin (1 John 1:9, 2:1)

I think next time I have a hard time sleeping I will try to read instead of trying harder to sleep.

 

Sheer stubbornness. I thought I was going to be able to do it without reading.

The best thing I am thinking to do is to start reading as soon as I recognize that I'm not going to be able to sleep.

 

amen