I used to think our marriage could survive everything. We've been through so much in 6 years, my wife and I, that I really believed the idea of "for better or worse." The problem was, this addiction was always hiding in the darkest corner of our marriage, and didn't reveal itself until recently. Now we've got a 2 year old, and our second kid on the way, and on top of it I'm neck deep in paperwork to leave the military. I decided on that because I was tired of losing time with my family for a job that wasn't giving back. I want to be with my wife and kids, plain and simple. Now that this whole issue has revealed itself, I wonder if that's even possible. My own guilt and shame is telling me I don't deserve my wife or kids, that they'd be better off without me, that pretty much everyone would really. On the other hand, I'm also fully aware how much my wife is hurting, and I want to fix that, I want to find a way to make all of this right. I've been told I'm too lost in my own guilt and shame to understand how she's feeling, but I don't believe that's true. I feel the pain I've caused, I can sense it, and I don't know how to fix it. Especially right now, with our second kid due in a couple weeks, I don't know if I'm able to do anything to fix any part of this situation because there's too much other stress present from everything else. I'm struggling right now with something we talked about yesterday, where she said part of her doesn't want to talk to me again until after the birth of our daughter. I tried over the course of the afternoon to convince her that wasn't necessary, that I'd do everything in my power to keep this from pulling her down, and that I couldn't bear the thought of not talking to her for that long. My fear is it'll do irreparable damage to our marriage. On the other hand, I realize she's in no place to deal with this right now. Her stress level is already too high, and dealing with my recovery may be just too much for her to handle. Part of me thinks that decision has to be on me, to stop talking to her now, force her hand, make her focus on herself and our kids at least until I visit later this month for our daughter's birth. Then we can sit down and try to deal with this issue face to face, and really get some progress made. I feel guilty though, basically shoving her out of my recovery, even if I do believe it could be the best thing for her and our kids. And who says it doesn't become permanent? I push her out right now, and it starts a permanent spiral of decay of our marriage that can't be recovered from? I don't know what to do, and I need some guidance to get through this in one piece.