Lostphoenix introduction

Lostphoenix

Fapstronaut
Hello fellow Fapstronauts,

I would like to introduce myself and the reason I have approached this community.

Firstly, I am male of 44 years. I have been using porn on and off since 2000, but heavily (for me) over the last 5 years perhaps as a coping mechanism from feeling lost and without direction. Because I have intense shame attached to ‘porn masturbation orgasm’ (PMO), this is the first time I have opened up to anyone. Nonetheless, I think honesty is crucial in the healing process so I hope you can bear with my introduction.

Stimulation
Basically, it all starts when I find some excuse to look at porn once stimulated by a desirable object like a web news story or scandal (e.g., naked celebrity selfie) about an attractive celebrity. First I try to rationalise my action, convincing myself that I am strong enough to just look (at beautiful objects) without ‘orgasm’ (O) but once started I cannot stop and a porn binge ensues until it has no alternative ending other than O from the sexual pressure built up. Somehow I covertly lie to myself, and my bestial nature takes over.

Consequence
Afterwards I feel stupid for having believed my bull***t for my energy is low and I am more susceptible to getting colds, depression and anxiety to name a few PMO consequences. Also, I don’t feel like going out or visiting people, feeling like everyone knows I’m a porn addict. My stupidity is further exacerbated by having felt this worthless before from indulging in PMO repeatedly, I recognize this pattern of harmful behaviour but have no willpower to counteract it. Moreover, from experience I know that the longer I abstain the more alive, confident, hopeful and stronger overall I feel. So I must conclude I am addicted.

The long term effect of PMO has led to sexual dysfunctions ‘porn induced erectile dysfunction’ (PIED) and ‘premature ejaculation’ (PE). These dysfunctions have built a barrier to making healthy connections and have emasculated me so feed the vicious cycle of PMO from easy access to fantasy rather than reality. Additionally I have lost my spiritual nature, I’m not sure what to believe, which saddens me.

Healing
I realise I need to start building my psyche up again, or else I foresee myself being driven into madness, destruction, nothing or an early grave, unable to connect intimately or even socially from the depression (lack of energy) and shame.

Thought I could manage alone but keep relapsing weekly and realise I cannot manage alone. Prior to the 5 years I practiced celibacy for 3 months but have never been able to achieve it again. So I believe I need a supportive and compassionate forum where I can be open and honest about my addiction without being judged by others (I already judge myself harshly). I tried a sexual addiction group ‘Sex Addicts Anonymous’ (SAA) but felt too ashamed to speak up, mine was not a problem of (real) human interaction but rather (fantasy) pornographic, although I appreciate they are related. Thus I surmise: an internet problem has an internet solution which this ‘NoFap’ community provides. I believe that ‘Nofap’ directly addresses the problem and that with the support from the community I can become a whole person or psyche.

My chosen rebooting, or challenge parameters, is the ‘hard mode’ i.e., total (PMO) abstinence for 1 month (before I try 3 months) because so far I’ve been unsuccessful to last without PMO beyond 2 weeks for approximately the last four years. My last (foolish) relapse was about 4 days ago…

:)
 
Last edited:
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
 
Thank you for your welcome.

I’m learning as I go along, but my strategies so far are: I have joined the official NoFap monthly challenge, I’m looking to start a journal and find an accountability partner.

Any guidance appreciated.
 
Last edited:
Thank you for your welcome.

I’m learning as I go along, but my strategies so far are: I have joined the official NoFap monthly challenge, I’m looking to start a journal and find an accountability partner.

Any guidance welcome.
Lostphoenix, let me be your accountability partner, trust me, I have experience in this job.
 
Back
Top