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LOVE versus LUST. Which do YOU prefer?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by LustFREE, Mar 27, 2014.

  1. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    A very common reading at weddings is about Love, I thought of the opposite around Lust. Thought this might be good to think about in what we're trying to do and striving to be our best.

    "And I point out to you a yet more excellent way. If I should speak with tongues of men and of angels, but do not have Love, I have become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal. And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, yet do not have Love, I am nothing. And if I distribute all my goods to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, yet do not have Love, it profits me nothing.
    Love is patient, it is kind; Love does not envy, it is not pretentious, it is not puffed up, is not ambitious, not self seeking, is not provoked; thinks no evil, does not rejoice over wickedness, but rejoices with the truth; bears with all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
    -Corinthians, 13


    The exact OPPOSITE can be said for LUST, PMO/MO

    And I point out to you a far easier path and least excellent way. If I should be silent against all that is truly good by wasting my time on escapism in the darkest corners of my mind through PMO/MO, I have become a noisy, self-centered consumer in this world and am nothing more than a weak parasite no different from any other animal. If I am highly educated, a successful professional or even if I go to church every Sunday yet still PMO/MO, I do not have Love and I am nothing. If I take every dime I make to give to others, and if I do incredibly heroic acts for others, yet in my heart am only doing it to make myself look good or do not have Love, it profits me nothing for I am still only doing acts of 'good', not acts out of Love for God and others.

    Lust is impatient and only interested in instant gratification. It is unkind, mean and careless; Lust leads to envy and is pretentious, it IS proud and puffed up, ambitious and abusive to myself and to all others. Lust (PMO/MO) is self seeking and self-serving, it EASILY provokes anger, resentment, guilt and regret; Lust rejoices in evil and seeing harm done to others, doesn't care about the degree of wickedness, but rejoices in lies; bears with nothing, believes in nothing, destroys hope, destroys ALL things.

    Recovery is painful but the alternative is MORE painful. Keep getting through each day and all the negative emotions and outcomes that are all associated with PMO/MO can go away.

    Peace and good luck to all- stay strong!
     
  2. I have both love and lust for my wife. That is the best way.
     
  3. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    Ha! I think those of us who are married can fully appreciate the profound humor and wisdom in that comment Randy. You clearly love your wife VERY much. :)
     
  4. Thanks LF!
    Of course this Nofap stuff is making me lust her more.
     
  5. Soul Cage

    Soul Cage Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for that LF it was a really inspiring and moving post. Yet made me feel sad, sad because I recognise so many of the vices of lust in my everyday life at the moment. They smother everything that's good about being married and I'm so entrenched in them. I'm just hoping that rebooting can deliver a new perspective once I am no longer allowing myself to be pushed around by my sex ego.
     
  6. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Soul Cage- I tell you from personal experience that YES- the reboot DOES deliver new perspective. I will add, however- you NEED to not only give UP PMO/MO but take up newer, BETTER habits to work at making yourself better (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually). Yes- dropping PMO and MO and rebooting your system will by it's nature force you to take a higher interest in your wife (GF or others to any single men), I've found that my level of intimacy with my wife is now 'off the chart.' I WISH I had made the connection years ago and am SO grateful for this community and all I've learned and how I've improved. I went through this without telling my wife and I hear several times a week 'What's gotten into YOU??' (in a good way). I'm able to look people in the eye more. While I was always self confident, it's even more so now. I have less anger/ hostility toward others. Am more patient, generally nicer.. I don't fantasize during sex- no DE, PA, etc. and in fact, I feel like I'm beyond the point of triggers.

    Love vs Lust- 'It's better to aim at a good thing and miss it than to aim at a bad thing and hit it.' Keep the aim at Love and building that genuine relationship. Peace!
     
  7. Soul Cage

    Soul Cage Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouragement, just noticed that your counter is at 128 days, nice one. I've got a long way to go, wow. But to hear such positive feedback from someone at the other end of the reboot is really encouraging. I look forward to reaping some of the benefits, I want my wife to say 'what's gotten into YOU?' :D

    Lovely quote too, reminds me of that 'shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you'll still land amongst the stars'

    gratitude and respect - SC
     
  8. Rafa

    Rafa Fapstronaut

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    Very inspiring, thank you very much and God bless!
     
  9. Phoenician

    Phoenician Fapstronaut

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  10. Wade14

    Wade14 Fapstronaut

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    i want love and lust with my girlfriend. but all in all i want love, theres no better feeling than being with someone you love and feeling the amount of love they have for you
     
  11. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    Just like the feeling of neverending cycles when we're caught in lust (the feeling that 'I can't stop myself and then looking at yourself in the mirror and saying WTF??? How do I get out of this?? etc) - the same thing happens with love but in a better way. You can get caught in a positive cycle that builds on itself. It's our decision to make and determine ourselves to do. Love takes discipline. 'Doubt makes the mountain that only Faith can move.'

    Lust can turn to love when there's discipline- the desire to save every ounce of energy to connect on a higher level of intimacy- physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Climbing that mountain is tough but WOW the view-

    Peace and stay strong!
     
  12. Soul Cage

    Soul Cage Fapstronaut

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    Man I love your posts.
     
  13. digiter

    digiter Fapstronaut

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    I will have to ask what type of love You have in mind. One type, that is mixed up with lust and attraction that happens when someone falls in love is often selfish. It looks like true love but the people in this state are usually blind and that kind of love often ends after some time (reason for divorces), it's rather selfish because someone fulfills only his cravings to be with that person because he feels good that way. Other person may feel it too of course, but such people can feel lust and "love" for each other and feeling hatred and hurting other people. Many relationships and marriages are built on such type of lust so people began to call it love.
    The other type of love is the love to all people and beings, even strangers. It's not sexual nor selfish. One doesn't need anything from the other. Jesus Christ and Buddha respeesented such type of love. In case of relationships, one can even let go beloved person and ler him/her be with someone else if that's his/her desire. I call that the true love.
     
  14. Soul Cage

    Soul Cage Fapstronaut

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    Really well said Digiter.
     
  15. LustFREE

    LustFREE Fapstronaut

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    Quite true. Corinthians goes on to state it simply: 'Follow the way of LOVE'. When we eliminate lust, we move closer to that pure form of love which IS selfless. Porn/PMO- not only hits our minds in the worst way (and rewires our brains as we all know through YBOP), it actually defiles all aspects of love- for self, others and God. When we lower ourselves to ONLY the physical level, not only do we destroy the joy - indeed exstacy that we can experience with a deeper, more intimate relationship with our wives, ourselves and The Creator in the process. Unfortunately, just as society, media, doctors etc all will say that MO is harmless or even declare it healthy and others have us believe that porn itself hence PMO is a victimless crime nothing could be further from the truth.

    Regarding the 'physical' aspect, I read a great quote from Matthew Henry: "The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved." Unfortunately, MANY of the relationships that Digiter cites above are neither based on Love or this concept of equality.
     
  16. Pippin

    Pippin New Fapstronaut

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    I LOVE this post and description!!
     
  17. e5s

    e5s Fapstronaut

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    Or, as the King James translates it, CHARITY. It keeps a marriage going in the poorer, and the sicker, and the bad times. Where would be without it? And even in the good times, there will be the occasional civil conversation about the toast crumbs in the butter.

    But love and lust must both be mixed up in a marriage. Otherwise, why wed at all?
    We might have a look at 1 Corinthians 7, while we're in the neighborhood:

    Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is well for a man not to touch a woman.” But because of cases of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. This I say by way of concession, not of command. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has a particular gift from God, one having one kind and another a different kind. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain unmarried as I am. But if they are not practicing self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.

    If I loved my love with a pure, disinterested love, I would have him fly to the moon and back for his own benefit.
    But if I were his wife, I would keep him close, for mine.
    It's not the preferred way, but it's good enough for those of us who would otherwise burn unregulated.
     

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