Lovesick

I feel kinda stupid to post this here, but I really feel like I need to vent this.

I have a big problem with limerence/lovesickness/oneitis, whatever you may call it. Long story short: I have a huge crush on a girl for quite a while. She was in a relationship first when I fell in love with her, so I kinda tried to ignore it. But after 6 months or so, she became single again. I took my chances and eventually asked her out. By that time she was not interested in a relationship, so it became a friendly date. I did not want to give up by then. Another 4 months later I asked her out again, this time things went really well and we ended up making out. Next day though, she told me that it did not "feel good enough". I was literally devestated. I lost weight, could not sleep and became depressed.

This was more than half a year ago. I could not let go of her, and I talk to her now and then, and even tried to (subtly) ask her out, to no avail. But I notice that she is not interested anymore.

OK, so you get rejected every now and then. It happens, it sucks, and you move on. My problem is, I can't. I've tried to forget her, find other girls I like, but I keep thinking about her, comparing others with her. I can say I am obsessed by her... I cannot let it go. And it makes me feel empty and broken. I get angry at myself for screwing it up, I get sad for not being with her, I get jealous on other guys who talk to her, my emotions go everywhere. I can be normal for some time, and then suddenly I remember that night, and my whole day is messed up.

I also think that I keep masturbating (while fantasizing about her) because of this. And it just makes me feel sick and weak. And I am unable to stop myself from doing it! I put up to everyone around me that I am doing fine, but deep down I am crumbling down.


Writing this down makes me feel so stupid. Why do I even bother about one girl so much? I know I can get other girls, but I keep thinking about this one. Again, I just want to vent this out, I feel I'm slowly going crazy. I know that all this "oneitis" talk and what you should do about it. But it is not going anywhere for me now, and I feel kinda hopeless. It keeps getting worse, and my friends are also worrying about me...