Low confidence, anxious, jealous , depressed after sex

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Mkwarrior214, Mar 8, 2021.

  1. Mkwarrior214

    Mkwarrior214 Fapstronaut

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    i'm currently 124 days without Porn and Masturbation and I recently decided to not have sex with my girlfriend for a month to see if this help my brain recover faster.
    Ii want to see results in brain fog, mood swings, anxiety , confidence ,cognitive function etc.
    I think that the amount of sex we were having so far didn't let my brain recover much(4-7 times per week). Lots of guys say that sex is not a problem but i start to believe it's counterproductive in the process...
    It's all very confusing!!

    So i abstained from sex for 7 days and i felt much much better in terms of confidence
    anxiety and mood!!

    Then I had blowjob and sex 2 times this weekend and i feel terrible now. My confidence went on the floor, overthinking and
    self defeating thoughts are back stronger than ever!!!
    My main fetish had to do with blowjob etc and even if i didn't watch any porn or had any thoughts about it
    it still messed my brain too much....

    I need to go back to my good self and try much harder to not have any
    kind of sex with my girlfriend!

    I don't know why is this happening...blowjob, sex , orgasm always sent me to a bad emotional, psychological state.

    I want to be normal and have sex without any consequences, but i'm afraid this will take years!!

    I hate sex at the moment for what is doing to me, but it's sad because i'm with this lovely person and i don't want
    to affect my relationship.

    As i said , i've told her everything and see said she will fully support me, but the whole situation than i'm going through lowers my confidence
    and manliness.
     
  2. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    I'm dealing with the same thing :( I don't know of a way out of it. But it seems like a certain amount of sex is okay, like after I started living with my long distance girlfriend, it took a few weeks of almost daily sex for me to get into a grumpy mood where I didn't like to talk much.

    I also don't know if it's the orgasm only, or the sexual arousal. Because if it's the former then it would be possible to satisfy your partner and only have an orgasm when you're ready.
     
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  3. Mkwarrior214

    Mkwarrior214 Fapstronaut

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    How long you have been without PMO??
    I felt the same! The last month we had sex almost every day and my mood swings, neediness , low confidence went even worse than before!! For now we decided no sex at all for at least 30 days! Lots of cuddles kisses etc.
    I just hope for the best.
    This is so confusing!!
     
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  4. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    I've been totally without PMO for around 10 months but I had long streaks before that, like 120 and 90. I also get insane mood swings. This is such a difficult situation man.

    Have you tried sex without orgasm?

    But I can tell you, it's gotten better with time! I think we are going to eventually start having normal sex again. But not if we orgasm too frequently, that prevents progress I think.
     
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  5. Mkwarrior214

    Mkwarrior214 Fapstronaut

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    I want to try 1 or 2 months without any sex or arousal at all and then maybe reintroduce sex once per week to start with.
    Up until now i was having Porn flashbacks while having sex sometimes...Maybe its a sign that im not ready
    for loving sex yet.
    How did you feel in your previous long streaks of 120 and 90?
     
  6. I would suggest sex without orgasm, or Karezza. You can even do oral that way. Just don’t ejaculate. That is what I do and I feel no affects from sex whatsoever other than the natural good close comforting feelings and slightly energized. If I ejaculate my mood will soon take a dip. This is due to the natural effects of the hormonal changes which take place after orgasm
     
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  7. Mkwarrior214

    Mkwarrior214 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, i think i will try that after 30 days of no sexual activity at all!!
     
  8. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    That sounds like a good idea. I'm going to try sex without orgasm. We can report back!

    I felt much better. At the end of the 120 day streak, music started to sound amazing, even old music I had grown tired of. And I was so confident. I was single then, so no orgasm at all.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2021
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  9. Mkwarrior214

    Mkwarrior214 Fapstronaut

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    That sounds amazing...if i can be in a good mood and confident i don't care of having sex except of making
    my girlfriend happy and keep a loving relationship.
    For now i'll stick to the NO sex plan for an extended period of 30 or more days and then see how it goes.
    I'll report back for sure!
     
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  10. A8X

    A8X Fapstronaut

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    It is great that you do a 30 day period completely free of all sex. In sex addiction treatment it is standard to have such period, 30 - 90 days. Regular sex within a relationship will improve as your brain recover from porn addiction, but it will take some time. For a long period of time, seeing my gf naked triggered the same pathways as watching porn and i had to accept that i can't have sex at this moment in my recovery process.

    I totally feel your confusion. Sometimes i wish i was an alcoholic rather then sex addict, because recovery would be more simple - just don't drink. In our case, recovery is not about going into monk mode the rest of our lives but we have to re-program our brain to have a normal sex life, learn intimacy and we have to find out for ourselves what works and what doesn't.
     
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  11. Mkwarrior214

    Mkwarrior214 Fapstronaut

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    I know and i completely agree with what you are saying!! Everything is new and also difficult to explain to the people
    that you care about!
    I need to slow down and focus on other kinds of affection like cuddles and kisses, which i find that helps me a lot more than having any kind of sex act ,sexual touching etc.
    I noticed when i'm kissing or cuddling with
    my gf lots of times i'll get random spontaneous erections without any thinking and i think this is a good sign.
    Also if this doesn't progress into sex acts, I find that it boosts my emotions, mood, confidence etc.
    I feel that the more the sex acts resemble some porn scenarios even to the slightest, the more emotional and
    energy consequences ( mood swings ,low confidence, anxiety) i will have during the week .
    I don't think there should be a set amount of 30 or 90 days of sexual absistence for recovery. In my opinion the only measurement is brain and behavioural changes.

    Thank you very much for your insight and support!!
     
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  12. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    Hey mate. How are you doing?

    Sex without orgasm didn't really work for me. Whenever I did it, I came instantly the next time. And I had low mood after the sex.
     
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