Lowest point

S

selfimprovement2024

Fapstronaut
It's day 11 of my current streak. Never before have I found my morale so low.

I'm a software engineer in a fairly well-paid job, live in a first-world country, own my house and live by myself. I don't have any financial worries whatsoever. And yet, lately, especially since I started this NoFap challenger, I am finding myself totally demotivated and demoralised. I work from home and only go out of the house once a week, mostly on Fridays for my weekly shopping. When I go out for shopping, I try to stay out for as long as possible. Sometimes, I just take a book with me and spend a couple of hours at a cafe. Apart from procrastination, I don't have any bad habits.

I'm totally alone. Friends are all busy with their families and no one has the time to meet. The only humans I get to speak with in person are checkout staff at supermarket or cafe.

I had recently set up a home gym and try to workout 3 days each week.

What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me? I spend a lot of time thinking where I went wrong.
 
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You are spending too much time alone. Instead of a home gym, you should have joined a real gym. You need to find people to spend time with, join a club, volunteer, hang out at places on a regular basis and start talking to other regulars there. How about find a girlfriend or partner of your choice to spend time with.

Isolation will make a person depressed.

Good luck,
Nomo
 
nomo said:
You are spending too much time alone. Instead of a home gym, you should have joined a real gym. You need to find people to spend time with, join a club, volunteer, hang out at places on a regular basis and start talking to other regulars there. How about find a girlfriend or partner of your choice to spend time with.

Isolation will make a person depressed.

Good luck,
Nomo
Click to expand...

Thank you for the advice, but all those things are easier said than done.

I am quite skinny and won’t feel confident at all going to a gym, until I manage to gain a decent amount of weight.

How do I find likeminded people to connect with?

I’ve tried using dating app but haven’t been able to meet any interesting women who would share similar values and interests.

Most weekends I spend most time in bed. I struggle to do even the most mundane tasks.

I was never like this, which makes me wonder where I went wrong.

I have no life outside of my job.
 
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Find a hobby, for example a sport where you get to connect with new people. I have been able to make a ton of good friends in the past 8 years since I picked up mountain biking. Heck, you might even find a female who is also interested in the same sport. It makes it easier to connect with other people when the endorphins are high.
 
absoluteminded said:
Find a hobby, for example a sport where you get to connect with new people. I have been able to make a ton of good friends in the past 8 years since I picked up mountain biking. Heck, you might even find a female who is also interested in the same sport. It makes it easier to connect with other people when the endorphins are high.
Click to expand...
The only thing more savage than a female mountain biker is a female rock climber. I say savage as a form of flattery to any women who push themselves in these extreme sports.
 
selfimprovement2024 said:
Thank you for the advice, but all those things are easier said than done.

I am quite skinny and won’t feel confident at all going to a gym, until I manage to gain a decent amount of weight.

How do I find likeminded people to connect with?

I’ve tried using dating app but haven’t been able to meet any interesting women who would share similar values and interests.

Most weekends I spend most time in bed. I struggle to do even the most mundane tasks.

I was never like this, which makes me wonder where I went wrong.

I have no life outside of my job.
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1) You say "Most weekends I spend most time in bed. I struggle to do even the most mundane tasks." - This means you are deeply depressed and you should go find a therapist and/or doctor that can prescribe depression medication. It's hard to beat depression on your own.

2) You say "Thank you for the advice, but all those things are easier said than done." The things I mentioned are not easy to do, but they are almost impossible to do if you are depressed, see #1 above.

3) You say "How do I find likeminded people to connect with?" By becoming less depressed you will be able to push yourself and try a few of the activities that I mentioned in my first post. Volunteering is easy to do and it's filled with "likeminded people."

Good luck, I hope you get the professional help that you need.
 
Hey brother
I can totally relate to how you feel.
I would suggest finding a good therapist. It sounds like you may be dealing with a depression.
It helps me to go on walks outside. Walking is a good antidepressant.
PMO addiction can be very tough to beat and PMO withdrawals also may include depression.
You may find it fulfilling attending some 12 step groups, i.e. SAA. There usually are local face to face meetings depending on where you live.
 
Be Inspired said:
Hey brother
I can totally relate to how you feel.
I would suggest finding a good therapist. It sounds like you may be dealing with a depression.
It helps me to go on walks outside. Walking is a good antidepressant.
PMO addiction can be very tough to beat and PMO withdrawals also may include depression.
You may find it fulfilling attending some 12 step groups, i.e. SAA. There usually are local face to face meetings depending on where you live.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply.

Do you even realise the repercussions of speaking with a therapist? If word goes out that I suffer from depression, I will probably end up losing my job. Besides, it's unmanly to seek help. Hence the reason for my post. This forum is as far as I would go when it comes to seeking help.

As I said before, I don't have any bad habits to begin with. I have never smoked and have been a teetotaller for nearly a decade. Tonight, for the first time in a very long time, just to relax, I had a beer after supper. I think turning to alcohol is my only option to stay functional.
 
selfimprovement2024 said:
Thanks for your reply.

Do you even realise the repercussions of speaking with a therapist? If word goes out that I suffer from depression, I will probably end up losing my job. Besides, it's unmanly to seek help. Hence the reason for my post. This forum is as far as I would go when it comes to seeking help.

As I said before, I don't have any bad habits to begin with. I have never smoked and have been a teetotaller for nearly a decade. Tonight, for the first time in a very long time, just to relax, I had a beer after supper. I think turning to alcohol is my only option to stay functional.
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How is anyone going to find out that you are seeing a therapist?

What exactly are you scared of? Can you articulate it better?

What makes you think that it's unmanly to seek help?
 
Be Inspired said:
How is anyone going to find out that you are seeing a therapist?

What exactly are you scared of? Can you articulate it better?

What makes you think that it's unmanly to seek help?
Click to expand...

Where I live, in order to to book an appointment with a therapist, people require a GP referral. It's all logged in one's medical record. Besides, I'm not keen on explaining my situation to a therapist. It just won't happen.
 
selfimprovement2024 said:
Where I live, in order to to book an appointment with a therapist, people require a GP referral. It's all logged in one's medical record. Besides, I'm not keen on explaining my situation to a therapist. It just won't happen.
Click to expand...
if seeking help is unmanly, screw being a man and the concept of it all. You deserve to be happy, period. Talking it out with a professional is always going to be beneficial even if you ultimately decide it is not for you. Your job will not fire you for having depression. The amount of lonely, depressed people in this day and age is insane, and a ton of people I know would be jobless if that was the case. Mull it over, ultimately it is your choice, but once again, you deserve to be happy and seeing a therapist cannot hurt.
 
Change should come from inside. I will turn things around in 90 days.

With renewed confidence I embark on this journey once more.

Hope to catch up with you all in 90 days, i.e. on 1st September!
 
Hi there,
There's some very good advice on this thread.
Just a few things to add,
Lots of gyms are very body positive and welcoming of all people. Start a gym class in the real world it will pay social dividends.
Most people joining a class are doing it for social reasons- you say you don't have any bad habits, but self isolation is a very bad habit.
Seek help to get yourself out of a rut, it's not unmanly at all, think of all the elite athletes that are candid about their mental health and challenges. It's a mature and positive step!
Be good to yourself, best of luck!
 
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