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Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Hopefulgirl, Jul 13, 2019.
You are gravely misinterpreting what Plato is saying here.
I would say, probably not, as if you don't manage to fix it, you are just making things worse. If you don't tell her straight away, then it will be even harder to tell her down the line when things have got much worse.
And you never really know if she could help without asking.
I have told my fair share of lies, but from my point of view, there is nothing good that could come from lying about this, and chances are it will come back to bite you when you forget its even happened.
Lies=bigger problems later
I would not tell my child things that are not age appropriate, which is different than two adults in a committed relationship. I strongly believe that honesty is always best. I am actually really proud of the growth I have seen in both me and my husband's understanding of emotions and honesty. My husband has done a lot of work to understand his motivation with all the lies, and the connection to emotions. What is really tough now, is dealing with the consequences of all those lies, and how the lies actually kept him from truth, and hindered continued growth in many areas of life. It is the lies that is most infuriating, and damaging. In an adult partnership, it is a can of $#&%* to decide for a partner what they can handle, and controlling information in order to try and control the possibility a spouse will have an uncomfortable emotional response. If my husband thought he might lose his job, I would want to know that for several reasons: It feels worse for him to lie and decide for me what I can handle. I want to know about something that impacts both of our lives. Also, I want to be able to have each others back and trust that my partner is being upfront and honest through good times and hard times. I may be able to offer support, perspective and help carry the weight of such a stress. Let's say, I do freak out. Then, that is also an opportunity for growth as an adult, and developing ways to work through a life stress, and communicate, which is something we all go through. It is also on me as an adult to figure out what I am going to do with that information. It is ok to be scared. If I start attacking my husband, calling names, etc. it is understandable and appropriate for my husband to have a boundary around that behavior.
Lies take away from TRUTH, growth, and connection.
Lies are bad all together, im trying really hard to stop this. I actually go to a addiction support group it helps a lot.