Made a great progress, but failed after 14 days.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Jonny1992, Dec 7, 2020.

  1. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

    Hi guys. I achieved many things.

    I quitted my camgirl addiction over 5 months ago. Lost weight, read a lot and learned a lot. Formed new habbits, searching for a job and yeah. Advanced a lot. Usually my apparmtent was a mess, but I even developed a habit to have everything always clean. Even Craftsman who have been visting me to fix my heater system said, they never saw such a cleaned aparment from a single guy. I had my manga reading addiction under control and learned, instead of numbing myself, to confront my thougth and feelings, write them down and work on them, so they dissapear, I learn something new and finish the past and keep going. Also stopped alcohol.

    But I have a new girl I liked, and I have feelings for her. But I am confused. As I build up new feelings for her and I noticed I am not over the old relationships. And many in this forum helped me to understand what I did wrong in my first relationship, and I implemented every advice that were given here, and, that girl know everything about my past, and I can trust her, she can trust me, and we are best friends and do little things for each other. I even learned to control myself without restriced devices: 14 days. Used only my laptop for learning, making documents and checking emails. Smartphone for socialising and tablet for learning (other themes), making documents or manage habits and achievments.I kept learning, my mind sorted informations right and I achieved more and more a growth mindset.

    And I reached 14 days without restrictions on my devices. Flatline was kicking in, only the sexual organs and the libido went away, I even was disgust by thinkinh about porn or watching it. This was a huge success for me. But my emotions were stable as hell.

    So the mother of my exgf visited me after 5 months, and I was not against it, I saw it as a chance to grow further. She was like 8 hours at my aparmtent, made her food and we talked a lot. And I grew stronger. She presented my with a perfume that my exgf chose me.

    And here is what happened: A few days later my feelings for my exgf came up. I suddenly missed her and her body, she has Cup D size breast and is very beautiful. But I learned beauty is not everything. And my current gf has Cup size AA and does not look (rational) beautiful, but in my heart she is and I find her cute and she is my best friend. Never thought I would fell in love who was totally my type(only thinking about the body cause I am porn damaged and my ex had huge boobs that were very comfortable and soft). And when the feelings came up I was confused and scared that I started to early an relationship and I thought did I went overboard or something. And I watched camgirls, did not do it with them, I drank alcohol, I read mangas, i stopped my habits and my apparment is a mess.My insecurities about my dick came back, if it is enough for her or not and so on...

    I don`t know what to do guys.
    Metis07 likes this.
  2. bRj

    bRj Fapstronaut

    Open up to the new girl, share your story with her. Don't be ashamed of it.
    If you got up once, you can do it again. Love yourself, love your story. Give the narrator role to the hero inside you
    Jonny1992 likes this.
  3. Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

    Perhaps the emotional impact that this new girl + the feelings for your exgf made you lose track of your progress. Remember that PMO addiction is just a way to react to something else that goes inside of you (Like emotions). I feel like your problem lies in how you handle your emotions, like in this case, it seems to me that is insecurity.

    So far, you've done great by implementing these good things, but it's just not the time to stop them. Actually, try to see this confusing time to grow and improve the way you process these emotions. Go back to cleaning your apartment, stop all the escapism forms like alcohol and camgirls, and find some help to manage those emotions. Perhaps some self-help book or counseling could be a good option for you right now.

    I can't give you my opinion on your exgf or the new girl you like because I don't know the details of the relationships, like the reason for you guys breaking up, but I can tell you that as men, physical appearance is important for us, and in our current world, this is even more important due to porn and the excessive relevance that our current society gives to appearances like breasts and all that stuff. However, try to see beyond the breasts and the appearances of both girls.

    You already went through a breakup with the former gf, why was it? could that happen again if you went back to her? are you willing to deal with whatever you guys went through again?

    And how about this new girl? what do you like about her beyond her breasts and the fact that you guys are friends? Would you like to keep discovering her personality and see how things could go for both of you? Or is this just some kind of a "nothing really" serious relationship?
    Jonny1992 likes this.
  4. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

    Don't overthink and put too much pressure/stress on yourself. Your first priority - get your 'shit' together, so as you mentioned nofap, sports (that's how you lost some weight I suppose), clean room etc.
    Remember how was your life during such period of improvement and during pmo rock bottom, try not to forget these feelings.
    Girls, wives, etc. are not your first priority.
    Like say to yourself - healthy habits, my life my way, happy life - that's more than enough for me. Girlfriend can be only a bonus to such life.
    So ex girlfriend, present girlfriend, no girlfriend or your future girlfriend must not have much influence on your state of life.

    P.s. exgf is exgf, especially if she did some wrong things, never try to get back together, nor let her back in your life. Or see for yourself and be ready for some shitty consequences
    Jonny1992 likes this.
  5. DefendMyHeart

    DefendMyHeart Fapstronaut

    I think it was Alex that said something like "you take 100 steps forward and 1 step back. You're still 99 steps ahead of where you were before".
    You saw all the good that happened when you changed. Perhaps the issue with your ex is an unresolved feeling of being inadequate in some form so your brain feels like it needs to "prove" something to her? If that is the case, the only one you need to prove yourself to is yourself. The only person you're in competition with is the person you were yesterday. You slipped. It doesn't mean you can't start over and try again. You can do it!
    Metis07 likes this.
  6. OliverHoward

    OliverHoward New Fapstronaut

    I'm afraid to trust anyone

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