Made a huge mistake

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by rubiksnerd45, Oct 23, 2021.

  1. rubiksnerd45

    rubiksnerd45 Fapstronaut

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    I asked my crush out when I was a sophomore in high school, addicted to porn, and out of shape. She’s been my friend for quite a while, 5 years in fact, and it just made everything awkward as people have told me I should never be friends with my crush. So I asked her out anyways, and she says, “I will definitely look into it!” with enthusiasm. Over a month later, and I kept on asking her easier options for us to make the date and she keeps on saying “maybe” to everything I offer. I made a huge mistake in doing that because 1, if she says maybe then it’s a no, and 2, why am I even thinking about going out with her if I can’t even go 3 days without PMO?
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2021
  2. rubiksnerd45

    rubiksnerd45 Fapstronaut

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    Such an idiot trying to jump headfirst into a relationship without even thinking.
     
  3. I don't get it. You did the right thing. Just continue to be normal and nice to her. Don't become awkward now. She just needs time to understand how she feels about the new situation.
    And, by the way, of course it is possible that she does not have the same feelings for you as you for her. But just realize that that is ok - It does not mean you need to stop being her friend.
    But there is a point to what you said about porn: If you want to win her, your chances are way better if you quit, because you will be more mindful, more confident and actually less awkward. I suggest you work on yourself and just be normal and nice to her.
     
    Vanquisher12 and rubiksnerd45 like this.
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Big mistake, never be friends with your crush. You are putting yourselve in friendzone. Woman don't date his friends, woman date guys with the balls to ask them out rigth on the spot and don't try to fly under the radar as friends.

    When woman say maybe, they are saying no. But they say maybe because they don't want to hurt your feelings by rejection you right in the spot. Maybe she thinks you are weak and you can't handle it.

    Mistake was to be his friend first, finally asking her out was the rigth thing to do. Now you know that she just want you as a friend and wants to date others guys.

    Never settle for less than what you want. You want romance, she wants friendship. The friendship with her is over, you cannot be any longer his friend and be sincere with it. YOu want more than that and you are only going to keep been his friend for a minor chance that she changes her mind in the future.
    How are you going to feel when (because you are his friend) she tell you that she is dating another guy she is crazy about? That is going to happen and is torture.

    The best you can do is to move on. Stop talking to her, stop chating, stop hanging with her. If she ask what happen, just tell her that frienship is not an option for you.. that is just torture to be his friends so you are moving on to someone that response "hell yeah" when you ask them out and don't respond with a "maybe".
    Al least she is going to respect you and maybe start to consider you for somethiing else. But if you keep yourself in friendzone and settle for less than what you wanted she is going to know that you are weak and she made the rigth desition of rejecting you.
     
  5. rubiksnerd45

    rubiksnerd45 Fapstronaut

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    The girl said she never dated before and isn’t sure about the whole thing.
     
  6. Spark Advance

    Spark Advance Fapstronaut

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    Read this post again. Then read it again, slowly. p1n1983 has hit the nail on the head on every single point.

    I've been where you are right now. I've pined for a girl that didn't want me. Let me tell you: IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

    You might be sweet on this girl, but she ain't sweet on you. If she was, she'd respond with a "YES, PLEASE! I WANT TO DATE YOU!!!" instead of a "maybe....."

    Don't wait around hoping that she'll change her mind. SHE WON'T. Do exactly as p1n1983 says and cut off all communication. Forget about her. She's not an option to you anymore. You deserve someone who feels for you the same way you feel for them. You aren't going to find that sitting around wishing and hoping and thinking and praying that this girl will change.

    Get out there and find someone who wants you for you, as you are, right now.
     
  7. IcarusDream

    IcarusDream New Fapstronaut

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    I know that other people have said it but I think I need to say it as well, hoping it might be useful. I understand that unless you get a 'yes' with flying colors, a proposal like that feels stupid to you. But from our perspective (people on the outside) it is not. It is not stupid from her perspective either. She understands that men have to make the move and that's never stupid. However, there are some points. As said, she may not have the same feelings, or she is assessing the situation (maybe her 'maybe' was an honest answer and not avoiding saying no!) or maybe her maybe is avoiding the burden of saying no and she is figuring out how to say it to hurt you the least. That's fine. I think dealing with rejection is a part of every man's life. It will make you grow into a more tolerant person.

    Now, if you really like her don't give up that easily. Cutting all communication is the nuclear option that may or may not work (it worked for me once but the resulting relationship was always affected by the initial bitterness of the no she said and me trying to act as if she does not exist.) So make up your mind before you go for that. Make peace with the fact that you may lose that person forever and you don't have any other options.

    Good luck brother.
     
    Vanquisher12 likes this.
  8. rubiksnerd45

    rubiksnerd45 Fapstronaut

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    I doubt she’s assessing the situation. Says “maybe, I don’t know if I have time” yet puts Snapchat and Instagram posts of her partying around. It’s a no.
     
  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    This sounds totally reasonable, but always look what peopel do, and not what they say. She is saying no with her actions, woman don't say no to the man she have a crush with. Besides that... the fact that she can't figure out if she wants to go out with him, is not his problem. The idea is to date a woman that say "hell yes, i want to go out on a date with you" not a woman that said maybe.. or i'm unsure or lets see in a few months. Most of the times she isn't into him but don't want to reject him with an honest answer.
    Let suppose she was honest and maybe later she is willing to date him.. great! same actions apply. Friendship with her is over, he wants more than that. She is free to contact him in the future when she is ready and willing to date him. In the meantime he can take her out of his head and life and maybe find someone else.
     
    Future Bloomer likes this.
  10. It took balls to do what you did. You're addicted to porn and out of shape and you didn't let it stop you. You should be glad. I was in great shape and witty in high school and still got rejected by my big crush (also in a painfully long 'maybe' manner). I think it's what a lot of people do wrong on this site, they think they have to be (often unattainably) perfect to get girls, when really all they need is confidence and the ability to take rejection.
     
    stegiss and ANewFocus like this.
  11. Love can't be forced. That's life. Give her time. If she is not sure about what she wants you need to be there for her. And after some time you will see how it will end. Maybe you lost her as a friend. But you can win a girlfriend you win freedom because there is nothing worse then falling in love and dont get it back.
     
    stegiss and ANewFocus like this.
  12. OttarrTheVendelCrow

    OttarrTheVendelCrow Fapstronaut

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    You didnt do anything wrong so dont beat yourself up. My advice would be to move on though. Plenty of fish in the sea. 3.9 billion to be exact
     

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