Make own porn with my gf?

I

Icantcomeupwithagoodname

Fapstronaut
Hi everyone.

In the beginning of the year i made my reboot with abstaining from p in order to improve my sex life with my so.
I succeeded after about 2 months. I beat my de, pe (at least in every other "round" than the first) and any other issue (i already made a detailed success story about it in this forum).

I still avoid watching p and don't feel like relapsing ever.

My so and me are very very sexual. In the time periods in which we are not able to be intimate with each other, we occasionally send each other all kinds of explicit nudes, including one solo-p i created semi-professionally with lighting and editing for her, and sext together.

Now we start thinking about the idea of creating our own p-flick.

I am confident i have rebooted successfully (we have mind-blowing sex) and this will not lead myself to relapse on watching online-p at all. And since it is basically filming something we both actually do and feel, i'd say it is not really arousal simply based on fantasy.

I know i am not going to m regularly on that clip if we actually do it. It would be a fun thing mainly. I am familiar with the consequences. I had to go through them myself during my reboot.
Does anyone have experience with doing something similar, or what do you guys think?
 
I would advise against it. By planning, or considering, making a porn film to 'spice up your sex life' or 'for fun', you are attempting to improve your sex life by making it more like porn. That way of thinking is not going to help with keeping away from porn. You are literally creating it, and holding it in an aspirational position. There are much better ways to genuinely improve your sex life.

Involving a camera in a sex act places a mediating layer between you and your own experience. Just as filming a concert on your phone stops you from being engrossed and truly present in that experience, documenting your sex life stops you from experiencing is quite as deeply. You are sacrificing the enjoyment of the act in the moment in order to create a piece of media, presumably to masturbate to. This whole endeavour is a plan to recreate the experience of masturbating to pornography. Yes, the porn will have been made with another person with whom you have a (presumably loving) relationship, and so it is different to internet porn of people you do not know, or imagery of people outside of your current relationship, but it is still porn. It is still solo PMO if that is your intended use of it (however infrequently you plan to use it). If that is not your intended use of the video, then why make it in the first place? Just enjoy the lovemaking. If that IS your intended use of it, just remind yourself of the reality that you will be sat, alone, Ming to a screen when you could, instead, be pursuing meaningful goals in your life, or greater intimacy with your partner, even if you are not in the same place.

If being apart means that you wish to create a situation where the two of you can seek sexual release without guilt, then I would suggest that in-the-moment communication and mutual masturbation is a much more intimate experience that is more removed from the solo PMO that you have chosen to rid from your life. (If you have not yet resolved to keep porn in your past and out of your future, then your troubles with DE and PE could come back, plus all the other negative consequences of PMO). Rather than preparing porn that you are morally entitled to M to without guilt (ie of your partner), why not try to connect with your partner when you are horny? If she is up for filming your sex life, she is likely also up for texting or video calling while the two of you masturbate together. This would be a much more fulfilling, genuine moment of intimacy and mutual pleasure seeking and giving, where you would still have the imagery of your partner to help you along, but you would not get into the habit of seeking release away from them, alone, in the manner that you had been seeking out P in the past.

Just another point: You say that you are confident that you have successfully rebooted. I disagree. Having mind-blowing sex is not a sign of being free from P addiction. In the depths of my P use I was still having amazing sex with my wife, but I was still wasting hours on the internet and hungry for more. The fact that you are asking this particular question on the forum is a sign that porn has not yet loosened its grip on you, as you are trying to find a way to invite it back into your life that circumvents the rules that you set for yourself at the start of the journey. Stop looking for loopholes. Stop trying to find hidden entrances through which to invite porn back into your life. Start seeking ways to improve the intimacy, emotional connectivity and the contentedness that you feel during genuine intercourse. Sex is only good when it involves another mind, another person, another lover, who is just as enthusiastic, emotionally invested and thoroughly present in the exchange as you are. If you are holding a camera, YOU cannot be that person who is showing enthusiasm, emotional investment and presence in the act. You become a documentarian, there primarily to create an experience solely for your own pleasure at a later time.

I hope you make the right choice here. It sounds like you have a partner who will be open to phone sex/video sex where the two of you can maintain intimacy and connection. Don't reduce her to the status of pixels to beat it to. She deserves more. So do you.
 
Also, from re-reading your first post, I would advise that you also delete all pictures that you have of your partner. She can always send new ones for a single use, then delete those too. The transience of sex is one of the things that makes it so special. Each moment in our lives happens only once. Don't waste the opportunities for new intimate experiences by storing P to M to of your partner. Deleting the pictures and video I had of my wife was a huge step towards eradicating my PMO behaviours. To keep them is to plan to use them. I would always prefer an intimate experience with my wife to a lonely MO session. It would also help more to create more opportunities for in-person lovemaking, rather than remote interactions. You didn't mention in this post if you have a long-distance relationship. If you are, the sexting etc is a good way of maintaining intimacy. If you are not in a long-distance relationship, then you should always be able to wait a few days for an in-person sexual interaction. If you can't, then you have more rebooting to do.

Good luck.
 
Wow thank you so much for your great reply.
I agree with you that holding a camera places a mediating layer and disturbs the intimacy. Our sex live already involves great levels intimacy and connection on both sides, and we are always looking forward to experiment. That was the plan.

It is not a long-distance-relationship but my so has a teenage son who lives with her. He is only with his father every other weekend. And in the meantime we have not really an opportunity to be intimate together. That means there are almost always two weeks wating for both of us until we can have sex again. Even though we are both very horny and lustful for each other, which we don't hide.

Including a camera in our sex act (i could use a steady-cam. That way we don't really pay much attention to it) might decrease our connection during the act. But imo it is just experimenting with new things. Just like trying out roleplay or
extraordinary Positions. It is something we could watch and enjoy together as a couple.
I never used the nudes of her to m. Because i keep doing PM-Mode. I only O with her during sex or similar.
Therefore i still am confident to have quite successfully rebooted. At least i succeeded with my personal goals. I have no desire to browse through the internet and look for p at all. I am not watching hardcore p since almost 3 years. (Only softcore once a week until the end of 2018, wich i have radically stopped since the beginning of this year when i got engaged).

As mentioned we have really beautiful sex with connection, caress, boundary.. but when the circumstances are good, we both are also able to have and ENJOY powerful and long sex like you see in porn. It is really a giving and receiving and being able to fulfill each others needs. If "sex like in porn" is a mutual desire, than there is nothing wrong with it at all.
Thanks again for your input. I might rethink that idea or at least postpone it. I will see.
 
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I'm still not sure why you would film it if you don't plan to masturbate to it. Why would you watch yourselves having sex on a screen when you could be having the actual sex?
 
I agree with previous posters, all made good points on why it would be a bad idea for your healing and staying clean.
I just want to add, even if you weren't recovering from an addiction, such videos and photos are a bad idea, since they always find their way online, and may be spread endlessly! As soon as you create such digital material, you have no way of controling it.
 
samnf1990 said:
I'm still not sure why you would film it if you don't plan to masturbate to it. Why would you watch yourselves having sex on a screen when you could be having the actual sex?
Click to expand...

I am having actual sex. It just would be for experimenting and watching it together as a couple and see how it turns out. Also for some sort of memorial if you will. Mainly for her when we won't be able to be intimate again for a longer period of time. And perhaps my GF could also M to it, if it turns out good and she feels like.
Of course nothing would get online. It would just be stored on the PC-Hard drive or Phone or whatsoever.
 
WARNING : THIS POST CONTAIN TRIGGERING TERMS ! DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL YOU CAN BE TEMPTED !


samnf1990 said:
I'm still not sure why you would film it if you don't plan to masturbate to it. Why would you watch yourselves having sex on a screen when you could be having the actual sex?
Click to expand...


For my part, I'm having the same questioning. Should I do it or not ? Your sentence "... when you could be having the actual sex?" touch me deeply, because my wife and I are not having sex that much. So, 98% of the time, when I'm feeling like having sex, I just won't. She'll be too tired, not in the mood, it won't be a good time, she won't be available, etc, etc.

So I'm wondering if it could be a could thing. Relapse seems inevitable, for my part, so I prefer to relapse to "us" rather than to a random girl.

In my last relapse, I try to focus only on "POV" video on one side of the screen and have one or two pictures of my wife on the other side. I'm not proud of relapsing, and I'm trying my best to beat this addiction. But I'm also willing to try to minimize the negative impact of my relapse.
 
Icantcomeupwithagoodname said:
Hi everyone.

In the beginning of the year i made my reboot with abstaining from p in order to improve my sex life with my so.
I succeeded after about 2 months. I beat my de, pe (at least in every other "round" than the first) and any other issue (i already made a detailed success story about it in this forum).

I still avoid watching p and don't feel like relapsing ever.

My so and me are very very sexual. In the time periods in which we are not able to be intimate with each other, we occasionally send each other all kinds of explicit nudes, including one solo-p i created semi-professionally with lighting and editing for her, and sext together.

Now we start thinking about the idea of creating our own p-flick.

I am confident i have rebooted successfully (we have mind-blowing sex) and this will not lead myself to relapse on watching online-p at all. And since it is basically filming something we both actually do and feel, i'd say it is not really arousal simply based on fantasy.

I know i am not going to m regularly on that clip if we actually do it. It would be a fun thing mainly. I am familiar with the consequences. I had to go through them myself during my reboot.
Does anyone have experience with doing something similar, or what do you guys think?
Click to expand...


I must admit : I'm very jealous that you have a very sexual SO. I'm so much depressed because I'm very sexual, for me sex is the base of a healthy and fun relationship, and my wife isn't. She think that sex is just not that important, and can't understand how anyone could be passionate about it. I feel like crying, now. Sorry, I open up very easily, I'm very edgy about this topic.
 
John Oldman said:
I must admit : I'm very jealous that you have a very sexual SO. I'm so much depressed because I'm very sexual, for me sex is the base of a healthy and fun relationship, and my wife isn't. She think that sex is just not that important, and can't understand how anyone could be passionate about it. I feel like crying, now. Sorry, I open up very easily, I'm very edgy about this topic.
Click to expand...
This would be hard to deal with for both people if their desires are so far off. Have you discussed it with her calmly? Just wondering if it's a lack of intimacy issue.
 
samnf1990 said:
Sex is only good when it involves another mind, another person, another lover, who is just as enthusiastic, emotionally invested and thoroughly present in the exchange as you are. If you are holding a camera, YOU cannot be that person who is showing enthusiasm, emotional investment and presence in the act. You become a documentarian, there primarily to create an experience solely for your own pleasure at a later time.
Click to expand...

Wow, as always, your deep and thoughtful posts are luminous and wise !
I'm feeling so very sad, because my wife isn't showing any enthusiasms toward sex (or very, very rarely). I used to make homemade porn with her, but I stopped years ago and completely deleted all videos. But know, I'm regretting it a lot. I had a porn stash that I got rid of, and I deleted our videos as well, thinking that it was still porn, and will keep me chained to a screen-related addiction.
 
Freddiefox said:
This would be hard to deal with for both people if their desires are so far off. Have you discussed it with her calmly? Just wondering if it's a lack of intimacy issue.
Click to expand...

It's very very hard to deal with. We've been together for 12 years, now, and this enormous gap became very apparent within the first year. Since then, I'm wondering on a daily basis if we should stay together or not. But I always assumed it could change, and since I became conscious of my addiction, I attributed my deep suffering to the PMO. Hooo man I'm tearing up, so sorry to expose myself, it's very indecent and shameless. I'm so sorry... I'm just so unhappy...

But yes, we have discussed it many many times over the years. She cannot have the same libido than me. We're currently seeing a sexologist. I losing hope for our couple's future.
 
John Oldman said:
I must admit : I'm very jealous that you have a very sexual SO. I'm so much depressed because I'm very sexual, for me sex is the base of a healthy and fun relationship, and my wife isn't. She think that sex is just not that important, and can't understand how anyone could be passionate about it. I feel like crying, now. Sorry, I open up very easily, I'm very edgy about this topic.
Click to expand...
I am sorry for you, man. I really hope that things will get better for you. For the jealousy-part. The relationship with my SO is likely coming to an end. I wanted to break up with her 2 days ago and we had an intense argument. We have close to no time to spend together and only had sex once in 4 weeks because of that. Things are not always as good as they might appear. Or they don't stay good.
Cheers.
 
Icantcomeupwithagoodname said:
I am sorry for you, man. I really hope that things will get better for you. For the jealousy-part. The relationship with my SO is likely coming to an end. I wanted to break up with her 2 days ago and we had an intense argument. We have close to no time to spend together and only had sex once in 4 weeks because of that. Things are not always as good as they might appear. Or they don't stay good.
Cheers.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear it is coming to an end. If you do split up, keep working on your healing.
 
Icantcomeupwithagoodname said:
I am sorry for you, man. I really hope that things will get better for you. For the jealousy-part. The relationship with my SO is likely coming to an end. I wanted to break up with her 2 days ago and we had an intense argument. We have close to no time to spend together and only had sex once in 4 weeks because of that. Things are not always as good as they might appear. Or they don't stay good.
Cheers.
Click to expand...

Wow, I'm very sorry for you. I hope you can work thinks out. If you do split up, as @Freddiefox said, do keep working on your healing.
 
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