@budvap Thanks for reading and caring to comment! I learn so much by others' perspectives here, and it's really not something I can access IRL (at least, not with much awkwardness and future difficulty in relationships). I definitely see this recovery process as preparing me for more difficult work ahead - that of leading my SO and family. It will be much more delicate work, as you say, to avoid any sense of judgement, superiority, or pride from that task. But it's the calling given to husbands (thinking Eph 5:25ff). I do see the role of the husband as the one who risks his needs first. That's definitely on par with what I am attempting to do here. I fail nearly every day at it, if not more. But that's my goal, S.M.A.R.T. or not.