Making Amends for Adult/Sex Chatroom Behavior

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ttigermask28, Mar 17, 2019.

  1. ttigermask28

    ttigermask28 Fapstronaut

    Hi All,

    Okay-the good news
    31 Days Hardmode. I'm in habit building territory.

    Bad news-facing up to my behavior and making amends. Trigger Warning. I need constructive and supportive input. Please leave the hostile condemnation out of this-I'm already doing it enough to myself. I COULD REALLY USE ADVICE FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN WHERE I WAS AT AND MADE GOOD. Or, knew someone who was like that and can lovingly recount on how they made good.

    Okay my issues aside from porn was cruising Adult Chatrooms and Sex Chatrooms. Everyone -says- they are at least 18. But it's been noted that not everyone necessarily is. I pursued people who indicated in some way that their eligibility may be in question. I felt like scum after, but didn't feel scummy enough to stop during or before. I feel ashamed. (Please see above line after trigger warning for guidelines for input). I need help making amends.

    Here's what I've done to mend my behavior.
    No Porn/No Chatrooms----->Learn more about healthy relationships and positive sexuality-be in more healthy relationships and healthy relating environments.
    Just don't go into chatrooms ever again.
    (No content from chatrooms were saved onto my computer)

    No masturbation. Reboot.

    Here's what I'm thinking about amends:
    Humanize porn/sex addiction-it's amazing to see how nsfw posters of opposite sex feel the same high/crash feelings that men feel and how it compromises their self worth and relationships.

    Not going into chats anymore but-people who are acting like that-are probably acting out deeper issues and need support. It probably will not be for me to provide that support-but there may be organizations out there who are bringing awareness to these issues that I could learn from and provide financial support to. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    Wild off the wall amends, might as well say them because they are terrifying me already-
    Chemical castration.
    Confessing to LE what I did-got to jail and completely screw up my life.

    Again-I know I S.C.R.E.W.E.D. up. I read all of the stuff in a panic I could find and freaked myself out. I could use advice from people who have been there and made good.

    Thank you everyone.
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  2. Part of what got me was thinking anything chat was fake and ok, it is not.
    You're on the right path, get yourself clear of this.
    dukesoup likes this.
  3. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    Making ammends is commendable. I struggle with the same issue and have had periods of sobriety with NoFap.

    You seem to be very aware of what you potentially need to do. My only advice is borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous Step 9: "Made direct ammends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others."

    The part of AA Step 9 I believe to be apropos to your situation is the "except when to do so would injure them or others," them or others being you. Fessing up to LE would definitely injure you and whatever responsibilities you have in your life. For that reason, I would scratch that off your ammends list.

    In my opinion, the critical and most important piece of ammends you mentioned is simply staying off the chat all together. I know for sure I'm trying to do the same myself.

    Stay sober my friend and keep us updated.
    Deleted Account and RobbyGo36 like this.
  4. ttigermask28

    ttigermask28 Fapstronaut

    Thanks all-good to hear everyone.

    I think I am in a magical "grey cloud" of flatline. I'm feeling kind of depressed. No PMO for a little over a month. Part of me is listless-whats the point of fapping? If a girl threw herself at me-I couldnt do it. And thank god-relationships at this point seem too complicated for me. (don't want it to be like this forever) but then its like-I know if I did just one-it is never just one-especially when chatrooms are involved-this would leave me feeling double messed up because there would be a part of me going I NEED TO GET BACK TO A DAY COUNT. GET ME THE FRIG BACK TO MY EFFING DAY COUNT. (DAY 3 NoFap is wonderful isn't it? You've given yourself and your system a break to recuperate and you feel settled, well at least I did). Anyways-its a glorious grey clusterbash of pro/cons. I feel apathetic-and if i were to do it then I would be trading one day in for my 33 day streak-it wouldnt even be worth it and if I did then it would be like 120 days to reboot rather than sixty, plus however many days it would take me to get settled. Just. Don't. Go. There. And then GASP-this crazy think called personal integrity. I would be going back on my word-which in this situation would feel HORRID. So-there you have it-the magical grey cloud of flatline.

    Part of me still has a hard time registering "It's over" I think if I registered more that I'm not going back to the "Bar" or "Drink" called PMO and Chats-I would feel alot better. It still feels like I'm resisting for 90 days-sort of.

    Really-thank you all for the kind input. I've felt scummy about this-and I'm sure there are others like me who feel similarly scummy as well. It's a really bad secret form of scummy-there's the intensity of Adult and Sex related chatrooms, but then also its the thrill effect that happens with risky behavior. It is a really potent cocktail of emotions. But do check out

    It explains how on one end is dopamine/novelty/shock/thrill and on the other-guilt, shame anxiety. The dopamine opiod rush creates the shame crash.

    Thank you all for your great input. Thank you. And sorry for the rant.
    GeorgeJetson and RobbyGo36 like this.
  5. RobbyGo36

    RobbyGo36 Fapstronaut


    Thank you! As someone whose also had problems with sex in chatrooms, I admire and commend you for posting.
    dukesoup and GeorgeJetson like this.
  6. ttigermask28

    ttigermask28 Fapstronaut

    Thank you guys so much :)
  7. i know exactly what you're going through, and i commend your amends. it's scary to admit that. that wasn't you who did all of that,though. the animal part in your brain that was addicted to the PMO, the part of your brain that wanted to get a fix even better than the last one, did all of that shit.

    i'm not saying that's your get out of jail free card, yes you did fuck up, but the most important part is that you learned from your mistake. at the end of the day, the only person you need to make amends to is yourself. one thing about PMO is that the only person you're harming is yourself (in a lot of the cases at least). your mental/physical health, not to mention the thoughts that torture you before and after you O (assuming you're a straight up addict like i was/am), is the only thing being hurt.

    not only do your wild and off the wall amends get you into deeper shit than you want to be in, but they're unnecessary. chemical castration is a bit extreme. sure you did some questionable shit that could definitely bring out the guilt and frustration in someone but that's no need to fuck yourself up for good. and LE... just no. why not just go on a megaphone in the nearest busiest town and scream what you did? no, no.

    as the post above mentioned, the most critical part in your amends is the fact that youre off these sites. and you will never ever ever go back. never. let me make a suggestion. replace your wild and off the wall amends with something that centers you. live a more humble life. volunteer somewhere. be there for family/friends. be the best you can be at work/life. have a certain positive vibe around you.

    talking from a straight up hardcore addict's perspective, the best thing you can do is kill your alter ego (the one that came out when you jacked) and never go back to where you were. this means being dedicated to nofap and trying to fix yourself. you know what you need to do.

    and sorry for the long post, just want to help !
    ttigermask28 and Deleted Account like this.
  8. Invictvs

    Invictvs Fapstronaut

    My recommendation is that you make amends by leaving whats in the past, in the past. Chats were by far what I was most addicted to, and I agree there are some pretty shocking things that go on in chatrooms. I went down the same path my friend. It warps your mind far more than people who never did the online roleplay thing could possibly imagine. And it does make you scared about the repercussions. That there could be some is a good deterrent. A better deterrent is knowing that by going there, you're probably feeding into someone else's addiction by going to a chatroom.

    You have to leave the guilt of these things behind. You're remaking yourself, and when that process is finished you WON'T be the same person. You're a victim of your own actions, as are the people you use to chat with. You answer to yourself, and make amends with yourself. There isn't anyone else you owe anything to except for you.
    ttigermask28 and Deleted Account like this.

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