Making friends the no expectation way

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by PlanetJuniper, Mar 30, 2019.

  1. PlanetJuniper

    PlanetJuniper Fapstronaut

    The hot tip: When making a new friend, have no expectations that I’m gonna make a friendship that will last beyond the event. This way, if you do make a lasting friend, I’ll be happy, and if it doesn’t, it’s okay. Come back to the event next time and you might meet them again. Familiarity will work in your favour.

    Find your tribe. Go to social gatherings with people that are likely to interest you. The web site Meetup has lots of opportunities for meeting interesting people. If you’re in a small town, you might not have a lot of choice.

    If the activities in your area arent’ your style, go anyway, and use it to get to know what those people get up to, and show interest in taking part in anything that gets your attention. For example, you might not feel strongly about improv night or community theatre, but some drama nerds love them some table top roleplaying and board gaming. Go find leads to your tribe.

    When I put myself in social situations, I have to remember to:
    • Be open to talking to anyone. You’re making single-serving friends for the event.
    • Put your phone away. Give your full attention to whoever you’re talking to.
    • LISTEN and be interested enough to ask open-ended questions that get them talking.
    • Have no expectations that I’m gonna make a friendship that will last beyond the event. This way if it happens, I’ll be happy, and if it doesn’t, that’s okay. Get rid of the pressure of making a long term friend, and enjoy the moment.
    • Be okay with uncomfortable silence from your conversation partner. They may be thinking.
    • Be okay with making your own silence: it’s okay to take time to think! Jabbering out the first answer you think of is a good way to make a faux pas.
    • People might brush you off, but that’s cool: you probably didn’t want them as a friend anyway. Or they might be busy, or might be stressed. Give grace to others who are less than cordial with you: they’ve hang ups just like you.
    Towards the end of the event, after having a good time with someone, you might want to get to know a person better, ask for their twitter name, email address or phone number or some way to DM them, so you can talk about that thing you have in common.

    Don’t be a ‘nice guy’. Be a polite, confident, interesting person who knows what they want in a friendship. Be someone who knows a thing or two about a thing or two. But don’t be the opposite either: an arrogant better-than-you know-it-all will not make friends.

    Got anything to add? tips?
    nef likes this.
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    What's the best way of getting what you want?

    By helping others get what they want. By contributing and adding value to their lives. Sharing fun and silly experiences with others.

    You can't do that if you're stuck in your head and being overly concerned with trying to get what you want. People who have emotional guards up to protect themselves from potential negative experiences aren't able to socialize in a competent manner. So think of contribution and sharing rather than being self centered. Open and honest rather than creepy and manipulative.

    Not everyone is going to be interested in what you have to give, but you'll never find the ones that would be interested if you're not willing to stand out, get rejected, or make mistakes.
    PlanetJuniper likes this.
  3. Cuauhtli

    Cuauhtli Fapstronaut

    Most times when you set expectations in social settings, you truly set yourself for failure. Take people as they are
    PlanetJuniper likes this.

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