Male 32, Nationality - Indian. Day 1

Hello reader,

I am 31 years old turning 32 soon. I first found about nofap in October/November/December 2018. At first I just read the information about the low value effect of porn and how being this low value is seriously keeping the viewer(fapper) from achieving anything of value in day to day life and that it is seriously seriously harming the sexuality and the d of the viewer(dapper). I had noticed that my d was weak in manners and that I was ee'ing(early ejaculation) I used to get solid hard and my d's muscles would really tighten up however just for about a minute to porn and I would ejaculate and I would watch tiny attractive bits of porn videos and watch a lot of them (pictures and videos bits), I have learned that this is a lot of stimulation in regard to explicit sexual content 10/10 babes of all styles in an extremely explicit manner(the content is proven to be hardcore misogynistic) getting f'd in good quality video audio and me on the other end of the screen masturbating feeling the sensations of the viewing that video (probably death grip fap). This all started at the age of 15 years when I first had dial up internet to my avail, through talks with friends I knew that porn existed before that I would masturbate to cosmopolitan magazines that my mother had, they were kept in my parents bedroom. Since I was sharing my bedroom with my older sibling I didnt have a lot of time to watch the porn content at that age all the porn pictures of cute chicks and later to milfs etc. I was in Hostel since age 17-18 so I had no internet there.When I failed my first year at college (government institute of hotel management) because of lack of attendance(I could never have the motivation to attend any class my attendence was barely 15-20%) I came back to my home - my parents house, where I would share my bed room with my older sibling same thing for a year 10-15 mins of a porn searching frenzy everyday for a year. I enrolled in a small private institution to study Bachelors of computer application(I was not able to complete my course because of lack of attendance each semester each year, I just quit). Next year my family moved into a bigger apartment and I had my own bed room. Here I over did the porn fap thing even though I had a girl friend and we would have sex twice a week or at least once a week. I did the porn FAP thing chicks 18,19 year olds babes l, Asians , milfs , office , teacher etc. Content in between for two years 2016-2018 I moved to a popular beach town in my country because I broke up with my gf for good. There because I didnt have enough money to afford broadband internet I didnt have an internet connection I had a USB internet stick for a few months and there I viewed porn again. My there was drastic improvement in my life there. I was able to make a girl friend there twice at different times and had a relationship. After my second gf broke up with me, My current ex gf I got upset and wanted to do opium power that was available there (its smoked) and I was already smoking Indian shit cheap beggers weed. I smoked a lot for 2/3 months however I didnt have an internet connection then. I became broke and unhealthy and had to go back to live with my parents. There I softened my porn genres I would only fap to sexual pictures of Indian girls/women on google search and nothing more however every now and then I would watch porn vids. It is Here when I found about nofap and read a bit of the forum stories and YouTube videos about nofap. I did a 80-90 days no porn however masturbate allowed streak then I relapsed to chat sites and did dirty Skype chats with a american who told me she was working as a nurse. Once this happened I dived into chat sites and watched porn everyday as well for longer duration that before while waiting to be able to find a video chat patten to climax with if I was lucky because I didnt find much only two, I was pitch broke and explored every sex chat and even broadcast my self on cam sites. I have had a 80 days no pmo streak which I accounted here however since I have been relapsing to soft porn and average porn every week and today I have decided to start my daily diary entry here in the forums for 30+men. Today is day 1 and I hope to write everyday from today onwards and pay great and deep regard to Nofap to help myself from pied and to bring back my sexual tastes to normal and above all to have a little social life for my future and to be able to marry my not yet found life partner in the future.

Thank you for reading and I wish you all very well and I am extremly grateful to be an active self diary typing user on this legendary and extremely great forums.

 

I am sorry for myself however I relapsed day 1 itself. I logged into a free stranger video chat app like poor people and got horny. The worse of all things is that I got carried away and I entered a online sex group chat webpage and the chat messages there are extremely filthy and sick. I am ashamed that I had to read all of that shit as I was pm'ing women girls to skype with me one woman agreed and she just asked me to ejaculate and I did. I really really didn't want to relapse like this all the hardcore misogynistic garbage language is now stored in my memory and it will make my life so extremely miserable for not just the coming days, it can be possible that I'll have to carry this shit and reep the effects of this shit in my coming future. Like I read in your brain in porn - porn goes in like a needle however it comes out like a fishing hook. There is pain and misery in a relapse and I know that even if right now I'm numbed however come tomorrow I am going to be more miserable than before. I really can not afford to be more miserable, you guys won't even be able to imagine the quantity and quality of failures I have accumulated in my life. My worth today is less 0 dollars at age 31 years no working experience no college level course completed. I am more than sorry for myself for increasing the amount of misery in my life with this experience. I wish I do not relapse in the coming 90 days and I wish I become competitive here with not relapsing. I need change in my life and I need change now more than ever I am being driven to absolute misery at 100 miles/hour like this with PMO and PMO addicts chat sites.

I don't even know why I enter these chat sites I kinda clearly understand that all the decent guys just watch regular porn however they never indulge with the porn addicts on chat sites. However I out of the pain that I am 31 years old and never had a social life get into these pages hoping to have a conversation with a woman. I really really hope I don't indulge in this extremely low value activity for at least 90 days from now And After 90 days I will definitely have a changed system.