Male/Female opinion about having many partners

[Deleted Account]

I just re-read the OP. 10 partner? I thought it said 100? 10? That's not a lot. Ever been to college? Can hit that in two weeks easy. And that was 20 years ago! With dating apps like Timdr you can literally have a different partner every night. So I'd say that is pretty normal for any healthy sexually active person.

 

[Jerry4NF]

I honesly would not judge someone by the number of sex partners they have had in the past. I mean, I, being a guy have not had that many to be honest, but I would not dare to judge anyone based on their sexual history. It would be a different story if that person had different partners at the same time without the knowladge and consent of her/his "official" partner, as stated before, it would be really difficult to place my trust on them.

And regarding the opinion on purity made by @Plutonium. It is a good thing he acknowladges the fact that it is a double standard in society: while most women are expected to stay pure until marriage, men are not discouraged from sexual activity. I mean, if the person has those values, it would be admirable for them to stick to them, but if you expect for those to be part of the core values of your future possible partner you better have them. No one should expect or demand in a relationship something that they are not willing to offer (otherwise you would be a
hypocrite), hence the importance of looking for someone with shared core values.

 

[Plutonium]

Can you try to explain?

To explain why female chastity carries a higher premium than male chastity?

I expect it originates in the different roles men and women play in reproduction. Perhaps male chastity is not prized because monogamy is a fairly recent phenomenon and men can play a reproductive role with multiple women at the same time - as happened, for example, after periods of war when females outnumbered males. Women, on the other hand cannot play a reproductive role with multiple men at the same time, plus men typically do not want to unwittingly raise someone else's child.

I wouldn't plant my flag firmly on the above, but I'd be surprised if I was proved too far wrong...

 

[Deleted Account]

Grow up kid...You need a woman who loves you and supports you ....Who will be driving force for any of your accomplishments ...Leave her at once...Chase your dreams..The right girl will be there for you

 

[Happy Man]

At least the person having casual sex is engaging and connecting with another human being, not some pixels on a screen.

Exactly, who are we to judge. We are all wankers watching porn.

No one is perfect and at least she was honest with you. I would give her a chance and date her, she might be a loving human being.

 

[green lion eating the sun]

Guys, i am kind on a situation, where i found a girl over a social network and we have been talking for a while.. We obviously start talking knowing, question each other ..
She attempt to ask me how many partners i have had. And after a while i asked her aswell.. we live on the same city .. she was sincere and opened up about her sexual life, she told me she have had 10 partners ( boyfriends ) and some more guys to fuck with.. like 'colour friendship' to satisfy herself.. Her relationships wouldnt last long then a year. She reference.

I am here not judging her, but i am kind like..

Its kinda difficult to accept her, she may like me but im not convinced to fully engage a serious relationship,and i am on a time to find someone worth.

I need some opinions.. Should i give her a chance or she isnt worth the time?

(I am a girl) you can only smash a girl like this. if i asked how many partner a guy I am interested in have had sex with, it means i just wanna know if he is good at sex

it wouldn't be a question to test how compatible we are lol plus she said 10 boyfriends (how old is she?) and "guys she fucked with" very nice way to describe it

I went on a date once when the guy started saying he had like 3 "serious" girlfriends. That really put him off. I immediately thought this is not a person i wanna be around. so i asked how many were non serious according to him, just to hear his reply. he started telling me about a couple of one night-stands very sad. that is not the way you give a good impression

 

[Gotham Outlaw]

(I am a girl) you can only smash a girl like this. if i asked how many partner a guy I am interested in have had sex with, it means i just wanna know if he is good at sex

Correct me if I read that wrong, but having sex with more partners doesn't a guy is good at sex. It means he's good at picking up girls. A guy who's bad in bed can still have a lot of one night stands. I would consider looking at other things eg do women want to see him again after sex, are his relationships long term or short term, does he brag about his sex life or keep it to himself.

 

[green lion eating the sun]

Correct me if I read that wrong, but having sex with more partners doesn't a guy is good at sex. It means he's good at picking up girls. A guy who's bad in bed can still have a lot of one night stands. I would consider looking at other things eg do women want to see him again after sex, are his relationships long term or short term, does he brag about his sex life or keep it to himself.

the more sex you have, the better you are in bed. obviously with a partner lasting several months you can get better with your performance instead of with a lot of one-night-stands

 

[Son of a Bitch]

I don't think anyone with a porn habit (current or previous) can take the moral high ground and claim they're better than someone who has had lots of casual sex. At least the person having casual sex is engaging and connecting with another human being, not some pixels on a screen.

You think two people using each other for self-gratification is "connecting"? Casual sex is degrading since people are more than just things to fuck. A person who jerks off to pixels on a screen is, in my opinion, way more charitable to the human race than a person who uses a real person simply to get their rocks off.

 

[SuperFan]

the more sex you have, the better you are in bed.

I would disagree with this, because "better in bed" can mean wildly different things to different people.

If your metrics for being 'good in bed' involve stamina, athleticism, multiple positions, etc. ... then maybe you're right.

But if your metrics involve being connected with your partner, being vulnerable and/or intimate, or having an intuition about your partner's desires, then I think more partners might actually cause someone to be less good in bed.

 

[Deleted Account]

You think two people using each other for self-gratification is "connecting"? Casual sex is degrading since people are more than just things to fuck. A person who jerks off to pixels on a screen is, in my opinion, way more charitable to the human race than a person who uses a real person simply to get their rocks off.

If both individuals are consenting and know the context of the arrangement, there is nothing wrong with having sex just to enjoy sex. Degrading is if you mislead someone and treat them like an object and lead them on, making them think that you want more than sex, while only taking that from them. If two friends, strangers, etc want to have sex just for fun - so be it, there's nothing wrong with that.

Casual sex vs using someone are two different things that absolutely do not have to be one and the same. Two friends who have no interest in a relationship and have no romantic feelings for each other can have sex, and, guess what, that's casual sex, but just because it's not romantic doesn't mean they aren't connecting. You sure as hell end up much closer to a friend after that.

Even if it's just two strangers having a one night stand, you're actually interacting with a real person, you're using your sex drive in the way it's supposed to be used: sex with a person. Jerking off to porn is rewiring your sex drive to make you think you're getting laid when you're just watching pixels on a screen.

By your logic, you shouldn't play video games with your best friend. After all, you're just using each other for fun, and two consenting people having fun together is degrading.

Now if you or your friend don't enjoy that particular game, and one of you convinces the other one to play by misleading them, that right there is the definition of using someone. If both of you enjoy each other's company, and feel like playing a game together though, that's great - go for it.

The same is true for sex. Sex comes in many shapes or forms.

• It can be dirty, degrading, and unpleasant - used as a tool for rape and abuse.
• It can be hedonistic, purely pleasure-seeking, and too much of that isn't the wisest for you in the long run, but it doesn't make you a bad person either. It's no worse than seeking pleasure in other forms, and certainly better than the pleasure-seeking in a porn addiction.
• It can be also, be purely light-hearted and fun. Sex for fun and obsessive sex for hedonism often get lumped in together, but they are two different things. It's like a guy who drinks heavily to get wasted, vs a guy who enjoys the taste of beer and has 1 or 2 beers to relax. The latter is sex for fun, without it being hedonistic. There is a difference.
• It can be loving and affectionate. Yes, obviously some, but not all, sex is about love and affection. It absolutely doesn't have to be about this, and sometimes even with a partner you do love, it won't be about this.
• etc. There isn't just one manner in which sex can occur that is the only correct shape or form of it.

 

[Son of a Bitch]

If both individuals are consenting and know the context of the arrangement, there is nothing wrong with having sex just to enjoy sex. Degrading is if you mislead someone and treat them like an object and lead them on, making them think that you want more than sex, while only taking that from them. If two friends, strangers, etc want to have sex just for fun - so be it, there's nothing wrong with that.

There is something wrong with it because it's not loving. You say sex doesn't have to be used solely for that purpose and that is where we both disagree. When you divorce love from the act of sex then you degrade yourself and the other person as well. This is the common sense parents drill into their children when their children ask the questions "when is it the right time to have sex?" What parent in their right mind would say "when you've found someone that just wants to have fun with you" or "when you've found another person who's bored"?

Casual sex vs using someone are two different things that absolutely do not have to be one and the same. Two friends who have no interest in a relationship and have no romantic feelings for each other can have sex, and, guess what, that's casual sex, but just because it's not romantic doesn't mean they aren't connecting. You sure as hell end up much closer to a friend after that.

Oh they're connecting for the wrong reasons and in the wrong way. They are diminishing the value of an act (sex) which for human beings should be solely about love. Again, this is something you disagree with.

By your logic, you shouldn't play video games with your best friend. After all, you're just using each other for fun, and two consenting people having fun together is degrading.

Not even close since you're not misusing video games when doing them together to have fun. Having sex just to have fun would be a misuse of sex.

The same is true for sex. Sex comes in many shapes or forms.

• It can be dirty, degrading, and unpleasant - used as a tool for rape and abuse.
• It can be hedonistic, purely pleasure-seeking, and too much of that isn't the wisest for you in the long run, but it doesn't make you a bad person either. It's no worse than seeking pleasure in other forms, and certainly better than the pleasure-seeking in a porn addiction.
• It can be also, be purely light-hearted and fun. Sex for fun and obsessive sex for hedonism often get lumped in together, but they are two different things. It's like a guy who drinks heavily to get wasted, vs a guy who enjoys the taste of beer and has 1 or 2 beers to relax. The latter is sex for fun, without it being hedonistic. There is a difference.
• It can be loving and affectionate. Yes, obviously some, but not all, sex is about love and affection. It absolutely doesn't have to be about this, and sometimes even with a partner you do love, it won't be about this.
• etc. There isn't just one manner in which sex can occur that is the only correct shape or form of it.

So you really don't have a problem with porn, you just have a problem with watching porn. You have no problem with divorcing sex from love and you see no problem with human beings acting this way towards each other. Good to know.

 

[Deleted Account]

Not even close since you're not misusing video games when doing them together to have fun. Having sex just to have fun would be a misuse of sex.

Says who? Who are you to define how these two things should or shouldn't be used?

Why is it a misuse of sex and not a misuse of video games?

 

[Son of a Bitch]

Says who? Who are you to define how these two things should or shouldn't be used?

Who are you?

Why is it a misuse of sex and not a misuse of video games?

Really? Because unlike video games, sex has real consequences. To use it outside of a loving and committed relationship is to misuse it. It’s clear humans have misused sex since we’re now wrapping our dicks in latex and aborting babies left and right. The aftermath of your “progressive” view towards sex.

 

[Poseidon]

To use it outside of a loving and committed relationship is to misuse it.

^ opinion, not a fact.

 

[Son of a Bitch]

^ opinion, not a fact.

Of course it’s an opinion. That’s all any of us have to offer.

 

[Poseidon]

Well using your terminology, I’ve misused sex a bunch of times in the past and faced absolutely no consequences. But, now I’m using it correctly.

 

[Son of a Bitch]

Well using your terminology, I’ve misused sex a bunch of times in the past and faced absolutely no consequences. But, now I’m using it correctly.

There are plenty of people who recklessly use firearms and never get shot too, so glad luck is on your side broseph. Also congrats on being in a loving and committed relationship.

 

[sparkywantsnoPMO]

All,

Please attack the issue and not each other.

Moderation Team

 

[Spiff]

Casual sex vs using someone are two different things that absolutely do not have to be one and the same.

I have to respectfully disagree with this as well. In my opinion casual sex is by definition using a person. If it's entirely mutual, then it's merely two people using each other.

The key is selfishness. In casual sex you are using another person to achieve a thrill, a neurochemical reward. True, both parties may be achieving a similar level of pleasurable neurotransmitters, but the purpose of the interaction is self pleasure/thrills. Someone may argue since both parties are getting off, it isn't selfish, but the reality is that the other person's orgasm or moans or whatever is simply fulfilling your idea of what good sex should be like.

In a functional and successful committed relationship, there is love, which is defined by a desire to serve your partner and a holding up of their benefit above your own. This is not found in casual sex relationships, ever. Only at this point are you not using the other person for your own pleasure, but rather sex is an offering of your self to the other person. It is an interaction which is beneficial in a physical, mental, and spiritual way.

There really can be no shared ground between the two experiences, they are as different as giving and taking. The key is the lifelong commitment, because as long as you are only around until the relationship is no longer to your benefit, then that is the paradigm in which the relationship exists.